Jacqui (jacqui) wrote,
Jacqui
jacqui

Catching Up On the Oscars, Stress, Botox and Bourgeois Housekeeper Drama

I'm still watching catch up on Oscar day tapes from E channel. I've got eight hours of this stuff. It keeps me from going out of my mind with boredom while I try to get through all of this backlog of e-mail. Mean old Paypal froze me out again when I made the mistake of removing an old credit card and adding a new one, it triggered some safeguard in the system that thinks I have added and deleted too many cards so now they want me to fax them a whole bunch of identifying information. I've been through this once before with them, argh!

Man this stuff is shallow and ridiculous. For the first time in my life I'm looking at this lifelong goal of winning an Academy Award and questioning my sanity. I mean who gives a shit about some of this stuff -- the gold chocolate statuettes, Wolfgang Puck's Oscar shaped salmon crackers, what Nicky Hilton will be wearing, Stuart Weitzman's diamond encrusted shoes, Charlize Theron's silver crocodile bag that took three people six months to make, and Bobby Trendy? Bobby Trendy for Fuck's sake, what the hell has he got to do with the Oscars? I mean this is starting to drive me mad, here I was sobbing my heart out in acting class for years and years and he comes along sews some cheap pink feathers on pillows for Anna Nicole and poof there he is on E wearing sparkly lipgloss and so aware of the camera and in love with himself, sahwish, and I don't mean that in a homophobic way, you don't have to be such a self involved queen to be gay.

Oh My God! Here comes the helicopter! It's Melissa and Joan, they're arriving...I'm trembling with excitement... I kid, actually I don't think Melissa's ever looked prettier, haven't seen Joan yet but Leon Hall's eyebrows are looking a little overdefined a la Carrot Top. And may I say how ridiculous I think it is that people are actually counting the carbs in their drinks, and that Joanna, the gorgeous model candidate on that reality modeling show was crying because at a whopping SIZE TWO people were telling her she's too big and has a "problem" with her body? Holly Hunter's forehead is not moving and after seeing the new lines that are etching across mine I have seriously been considering Botox myself. Man, I so do not want to be a part of all of this. Of course I say this while at the same time knowing I would kill... ummm... Rosa, to be there.

I'm hungry but the cats knocked over my salad bowl and broke it : ( I've definitely been overeating again, turning back to my oldest method of self comfort when I'm freaked out and distressed; money worries, troubles with Mom and her secretary and creepy scheming housekeeper, Beau and his school/attention disorder diagnosis and troubles, the impending loss of Irma and the switching over to someone completely different who may not be up to all of this. Will someone take these Red Swedish Fish and Berries away from me and give me a protein drink or a smoothie of some kind, please?

Our new housekeeper/asistant/pal has been having some trouble making the adjustment, she's done a few dumb things, but she seems well meaning and everyone screws up stuff when they start a new job. Still she's upset Beau, said some inappropriate things, nothing major, broke my blender, is super sensitive, has scared me by coming really late twice, and then tonight she told Beau that he shouldn't pay the pizza delivery guy the fifteen percent tip I told her to give him and that he should just keep it himself and she wouldn't tell, which freaked him out so he came and told me, poor honest little monkey man.

I think I told you about the rusty nail that mysteriously worked it's way into my Mother's water thermos, well, the latest on the Rosa wants to rule the world story line is that Mom's weekend housekeeper Martha suddenly had to go back home when her mother died and Mom cannot be alone so I found a nice woman to take her place, which has upset Rosa no end because she had been planning to replace Martha all along and had secretly lined up her own person.

We brought Anna over on Saturday and asked Rosa to show her the ropes which she naturally did as little of as she could possibly get away with. Anna, being the kind, diligent person that she is, offered to work Monday and Tuesday for free in order to be able to learn more about how to take care of Mom. Mom, who is always panicked about money, heartily agreed to this, but Rosa, feeling threatened, waited until late Monday night, when Mom had turned in, to lie to Anna telling her that Mom had asked her to please go home and that she didn't want her to work Tuesday, which meant that at the last possible moment Anna had to call her daughter, who lives about an hour away, and ask her to come and get her in the pouring rain.

When I spoke with Mom about this today she confirmed that she had said no such thing. She told me to tell Anna that she never told her to go home but she won't do anything real about this she never does. She might mention it to Rosa who will make up some complicated lie and act put out and hurt and then Mom will forget any of this happened so her creepy, mean scheming will continue to go unpunished. Can anyone explain to me why all of Rosa's badness flourishes in the light of truth? Wouldn't anyone else, who does the kinds of things that she does, have been booted out on their ugly, desperate asses long long ago?

Doesn't she get that alienating me, my Mother's only heir, is a really bad plan for her future? It doesn't exactly guarantee her job security if you know what I mean.

Awwww, my beloved, sharp toothed, black, Oriental Short Haired kitty Sparkle just brought me a little piece of found plastic to throw for him. He wants to play fetch with me.

Shohreh Aghdashloo is being interviewed by Joan, she looks fabulous, I was so rooting for her for my beloved Sartippours.

Okay back I go to slog away in the Pay My Ebay auction shit mines.
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