Jacqui (jacqui) wrote,
Jacqui
jacqui

Sleep Deprivation and Pain, Teeth Bleaching, and Beau's Naughty Friend Steven

Oooh I did not get a good night's sleep last night and I feel so crappy as a result. When I don't get enough sleep my fibromyalgia is always so much worse, everything hurts and all I want to do is lie down, but I can't because as usual I've got stuff to do do do. My mind kept racing with thoughts of all of the things I have to do. I'm always doing this -- trying to catch up, get it all done. I wonder what it would feel like if I ever actually caught up with everything on my daily To Do list and got it all done. I'd probably freak out and break down like some crazed robot woman, or I'd just make a new list with bigger, harder things to do.

Beau's friend Steven set a hot frying pan on our newly refinished wooden countertop in the kitchen last night -- left a nice sizzled brown burn ring. Terrific. So now along with the words, Hi, FU, and Blair Witch that he carved into some of our woodwork around the house, and the time he burned an orange sized hole through Beau's mattress, we can add this to the list of house harming things my son's best friend has done around here. The kicker is that while everyone tells me I should ban this little man his own Mother thinks he's a little angel and that Beau is the bad influence, argh. Did I tell you that Steven skipped school, lied to his Mom, lied to Beau, lied to me, and his teachers, and came over and spent the day with us, but then got caught when he left his forged note on the dining room table at home where his Mom promptly found it?

See, this is the kind of stuff I am so happy I'm hiding here behind the Friend's Cut feature. Not that I'm that much safer considering any one of my many friends could just as easily leave an upsetting comment to this a la, "What is the matter with you, you wimpy, weak willed Mom? Can't you see that you need to take things in hand, kick this kid out of your son's life, make your kid eat better, exercise, clean his room, get some discipline going, and find him some better friends?"

The problem with this kind of advice is that I give it to myself every day and it doesn't help. Plus it doesn't really mean anything when it comes from anyone who doesn't have a teenage son that they are raising at this period in time in this city, and I just suck it in like a self beating sponge girl. It also doesn't really apply coming as it must from someone who only knows us via my journal and who, while they must mean well, can't really know what it feels like to be in this exact situation, to be a single Mom, with a hypersensitive, food-loving, super smart and creative son who thinks he's an unpopular kid that no one understands and this is his only friend.

It doesn't help that he is so much like me I could trade places with him and not realize anything has happened for a few hours at least. I crave food for comfort, I'm lazy about grooming, self discipline, organizing and exercise. I pick friends sometimes that really aren't the best for me, but I love people so completely despite any flaws that they may have that I cling on to them beyond the point where I should have bid them a fond but brisk farewell. I'm insecure, I'm creative, I'm hyper sensitive and have the same body type, endomorphic as opposed to ectomorphic.

Hey, do you guys know if you can have one body type and then change it to the other? Is it all about, We are what we eat</i>, or are we stuck with what we're born with? I should know this better than almost anyone because given that I'm adopted, I'm just the kind of person they conduct studies about this kind of thing on. I have a lot of twins in my family too.

I'm using a dental bleaching kit while I'm typing this. It hurts and I hate it. I keep getting these sharp, zinging pains -- worse than any pain I ever feel at the dentist, even when he's doing complicated things like root canals, extractions, and crowns, how weird. I'm supposed to do it every day for five to eight days so my dentist can match my teeth at their whitest to the false teeth they'll be ordering from the lab, lovely. I just broke off the fake tooth at the end of my temporary bridge and I was being so careful with it darn it, now I'm back to being Toothy Toothless the Hee Haw Hick Girl again.

I shouldn't make jokes like this when I know there are tons of people who don't have families to take care of them and can't do anything about their missing teeth, people like Esther who has been gluing one of her teeth onto this awful, crumbling, silver frame with crazy glue whenever it falls out. I've worked a deal out with my dentist though and I'm taking her in with me on Tuesday when I go back in again.

Okay, enough rambling, I've got cat pictures to post, bills to pay, credits to write up and submit, a salad to eat when I take these yucky bleaching trays off and Scott will be here in just under an hour to take me to see some houses he's considering buying, ack.

Big hugs from your pal,
Wacqui
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