Jacqui (jacqui) wrote,
Jacqui
jacqui

Cheer Up You Melancholy Dane



Here are just a few pictures of Halloween and the fashion show to tide you over until I can get them all edited and uploaded. I'll put a couple here and a few more behind the cut. I was a fat corpse bride for Halloween, heh, heh ; )

Last Night's Entry

Have you seen the artwork in the credits at the beginning of Ghost Whisperer? It's pretty and it reminds me a lot of the kind of work I've been doing with my collage minded friends of Collage Cats and KLOJ and some of the other groups I belong to. There's a vintage shot of a little girl covered with bees that's pretty cool.

God, I love art. I've always wished I had the ability to draw or paint like my friends Jen and Ana can. I can cut and paste and reassemble things. I can play around with photography and cheat images, but I can't reproduce an image, or paint something from memory. I wish I could.

I also wish I had the lead in a show like Ghost Whisperer. I love the subject matter but this show is such a wannabe rip off of Medium without the quirky warmth and depth that Patricia Arquette brings to it. I'd be so much better at this than Jennifer Love Hewitt, but there'd have to be some unlikely group of executives sitting around a conference table in not-gonna-happen land, with a yen to risk millions of dollars, their careers, and reputations, on an undiscovered, aging, fat character actor like me, and how likely is that? I don't know, Angela Lansbury was pretty terrific in Murder She Wrote. Maybe some smart person out there will realize that it's time for at least one show featuring real women over thirty for a change.

I enjoyed the movie tonight, even though I was tired. Best thing about it was kissing Scott. It's always nice to know that as mean as we can be when we fight, that our relationship is strong enough to withstand the blows we deal each other. Plus he's super sexy, but you'd have to be his lover, or see him sing to know this. You won't be able to tell this from still photographs. You need to get next to his energy, which is special and powerful, and it's never more present than when he's making love, or performing.



I think our house looked a lot like it did last year, but with more going on because we always collect and add more things each year. Next year we're going to go with a more Mexican Day of the Dead Cemetery -- flowers, candles, photos and Mexican sweet breads on the tombs -- kind of thing.

Tonight's Entry

Today was another bad bladder day for me and I ended up having to miss Scott's gig at Monsoon on the promenade because of it. I was disappointed because I had so wanted to go, I really wanted to be there for him, but I was hurting too much -- spent most of the day in bed with a heating pad pressed against my belly.

It'll get better, it always does, I just want it to hurry up and improve so I can get off of the damned pain pills and antibiotics and start exercising again. I'm so weak it's hard to walk up stairs and I hate being like this. There's just so much that I want to do, that I need to do. Just maintaining a home takes scads of time, energy, and attention, and it's just too damned hard to do when you feel sick and weak. If I don't stay on top of things they start to deteriorate, literally deteriorate, and then I don't want to face it. It gets overwhelming and I want to pull the covers over my head and hide.

I'm also sick of writing about it and talking about it; my health, being in pain, having trouble getting out and getting things done. It feels old to me, old news that might bore people and put them off. Who wants to hear about health issues, aside from me? I don't mind if people tell me all their ills because I understand and I am infinitely curious about people, but I think folks who have never had to deal with chronic debilitating pain, just don't get it. Bleh.

Up late as usual with the movie Reds playing in the background. This is one of my all time favorite films, but there are so many movies that I love, it's hard to pick favorites when there are so many that have meant so much to me; films that have taught me about history and life. God, I do love movies, I just wish I could get my life in order enough to be able to get out there and have something to do with the making of them. I'm tired of dreaming.

Whoops, I think one of the cats fell into the tub. I keep it filled with a few inches of water, not enough to drown anyone, but enough to keep them from using it as a litter box. If I'm nothing else, at least I'm eccentric enough to be entertaining, at least I hope I am. I remember when my friend Maria -- who I hadn't seen in years -- came over and surprised me by saying, "So this is where it all happens," as she sort of swept her gaze over my cluttered desk in my crowded pet-filled office. I feel like such a fraud sometimes, which is why this comment seemed so silly and odd to me, like a compliment I didn't deserve. I watch a film like this, about these amazing brave and radical bohemians -- artists who risked everything and changed the world, and I want to be like them, to make my own mark, instead of hiding away in my cat filled home.

I like the small steady quiet sound of my watch ticking when I press it against my ear, it makes me feel safe somehow, even though time -- the passing of time -- has always frightened and confused me. I've never understood it -- never been able to make peace with it. It all goes by too fast, except when I'm in fear, and then it goes so slowly.

It's time to make and send out my annual holiday collage cards. Anyone want in on this? I'll post my address soon. Anyone who sends one to me gets one in return. I can't remember my new PO Box address because they moved. I'll have to get that tomorrow and post it for you. I so want to have a peaceful easy Christmas. I don't want to get caught up in the stress and rush, there must be some way to simplify things and let go. No one ever gives me as much as I give them, not that I mind, it's just that if I could remember this then maybe I wouldn't feel so damned driven to give the perfect gift, (and not just one gift, I usually feel like I've got to give six or seven or more), in the perfect wrapping to every single person I know, including the men who pick up our garbage, especially the men who pick up our garbage. The best moments are the littlest moments, the ones where you take a minute to talk with someone you've never met, study a leaf, or watch the squirrels playing in the yard. Money and time, it always comes down to these two things, or maybe I should say money, time, health and energy. I'd toast a perfectly shaken pink Martha Stewart cosmopolitan to that. I'd even drink it if it wouldn't set my bladder on fire.

Do you look at all of the recipes for pies and cakes that fill the magazines and feel as if you should be baking them? Do you feel driven to make your homes as beautiful and filled with holiday decorations as I do? Why do I do this? What do I do it for if I'm so busy doing this that I can't even find the time to visit my friends, if I'm so run down that I can't even go listen to my man sing?

Do you know what selfish thing I would do if someone gave me a million dollars to play with? I'd find some way to start a little local theatre and put on play after play starring myself. Yep, I'm not as altruistic as I like to think I am. Oh, all right, I'd give a hundred thousand dollars off the top to my favorite charities, but then I'd go straight to work on producing plays by Shakespeare, Eugene O'Neil, Tennessee Williams and Chekhov and then I'd do something wild and pornographic in a female positive kind of way. And Duane could make the neon sign for the marquee.



This is a shot of one of my favorite Granny dresses. I just love the flower print. Beau took all of these pictures for us, but our flash wasn't that great so I've had to make the best of things with my baby Photoshop program. I have the latest version, I've just never been able to figure out how to use it...

Have you seen Slings and Arrows on the Sundance Channel? I love it so much. One of the coolest things about the show is that the janitor has the wisest and most profoundly important lines. When the director suddenly dies, (run over by a pig truck), one of the actresses arrives late to the theatre only to discover that the play has been canceled for the night.

"So what's going to happen to Hamlet?"
"Hamlet will be Hamlet, that ineffable tragedy of the human spirit that still resonates here today."

This is the little pub ditty that they sing at the beginning of every episode. I feel as quaintly comfortable and at home with Shakespeare as I do in a Catholic church, which makes me think it's time for a visit to or with either one, maybe both. Would you be horrified if I told you that I think they're really the same thing -- theatre and church?

Cheer up Hamlet
Chin up Hamlet
Buck up you melancholy Dane
So your uncle is at hand
Murdered Dad and married Mum
That's really no excuse to be as glum as you've become
So wise up Hamlet
Rise up Hamlet
Buck up and sing the new refrain
Your incessant monologizing fills the castle with ennui
Your antique disposition is embarrassing to see
And by the way you sulky brat the answer is To Be
You're driving poor Ophelia insane
So shut up you rogue and peasant
Grow up it's most unpleasant
Cheer up you melancholy Dane


Here's something funny to end with. Stuck here in bed at home with nothing but my cats, knitting, and the television for comfort, I have the luxury of being able to watch lots of shows I wouldn't normally have the time to. I love Sacha Baron Cohen, I think he's brilliant in a kicky deviant sort of way. I watched a repeat today where he was interviewing the very earnest Special Agent Will Glasby of the DEA. They were standing side by side before a table laid with a comprehensive array of sticky and enticing looking drugs. Among one of the many, many funny exchanges they had was this gem;

Ali G: Does you fink it is ever right to give an animal an XTC?
WG: Not if you like your animal.
Ali G: But what about if the animal looks really reallly sad?

Then he looks at all the drugs and says;

Ali G: What does you do wif all of dis when you're done wif it?
WG: We incinerate it.
Ali G: Why does you not give it to a charity?



Here's an early gown. I love this one. I've been editing all of these pictures one by one and so far I've got about thirty done, it's still going to take some time to do all the rest. I'll put a few more behind the cut.





I don't know why I picked these two little blonde boys to show you -- maybe because they were among some of the earliest shots. God the kids were cute.





Here's my friend Mary hamming it up on stage at the fashion show. She was so much fun and made everyone laugh, which was so great. I think we made a good team. It was fun playing off each other. I didn't get to do this with any of the other models.



This is Kelly, I think. She was so graceful and lovely, like a swan, really.



This is a dress of my Mom's that I really like. I think these pictures are amazing for a fifteen year old and I'm so grateful to Beau for having taken them, but I can't wait to see some of the professional shots that were taken. I wonder how I can get my hands on them.



I have sooooo many pictures I want to share with you, but I just don't have the time, so I thought I'd try to put up at least a few to tide you over until I can find some, time that is.
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