Jacqui (jacqui) wrote,
Jacqui
jacqui

Hi Everybody,

Sorry I haven't been able to update more often. Things have been pretty stormy in the emotional landscape of my life lately. I write entries but find that after writing nine or ten paragraphs of this heavy material I start to feel so depressed that I can't bring myself to finish, so I simply save it to my hard drive and pretend I'm going to edit it and share it with you later. I guess I've just been overwhelmed and really all I feel like sharing here right now is the light and gossipy stuff like; Wasn't Sarah Silverman funny today when she turned her head sideways and pretended to be a talking vagina?

Oh no here it is, that feeling, let's call it Blogger's Block, the feeling where I'm suddenly exhausted and can't bear the thought of having to write another word. Should I forge ahead or give in to my urge to save this brief unfinished entry, lie down, and watch the rest of The Independent Spirit Awards?

Forging.

I think part of the problem is that there are so many more people on line these days that it's hard to feel as safe sharing everything so candidly here as I once did. I don't want to upset or hurt anyone with what I think and say, don't want to get sucked into any interpersonal conflict and drama, so I can't really write about some of what is going on for me when I know that the people I want to write about are reading my journal.

I can say that I am suffering from major sleep deprivation. I've been nursing kittens round the clock, every three hours, all night long. It's exhausting, and it's all my fault : ( Makes me want to go shopping or eat cake, neither of which I can afford to do right now.

So let's just talk about The Oscars instead shall we? Oh no... here comes the weariness... help... me... please... Fuck it, I'm posting this before I can run away and save it for later.
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