Jacqui (jacqui) wrote,

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Why I hate smoke

Here's one for all of you Louise Brooks fans out there. It's a still from a film called Beggars of Life. It's on eBay right now, auction #1439155149. I'm getting stuff done, reserved our motor home for Burning Man, writing to our camp neighbors, dealing with my ex, yuck.

Okay well, off I go to the strange, cliquey celebrity dog park. I wonder who we'll see today. Poor Spirit needs to go too but I'm embarrassed because he looks so funky, maybe my friends at the pet store can bathe him for me. Mom's playing games with her old jaguar that she keeps giving me and taking away. I think I'll just have to let go of any attachment I have to it. I was so looking forward to restoring it or turning it into an art car. I'd love to paint it wild rainbowy Grateful Deady colors.

My old friend Durga called, I didn't know that she tours with and sings backup vocals for Pink Floyd. Well, maybe I did and forgot? That would be just like me. At least she knows I'm not impressed by her celebrity. She was successful in England with her band Blue Pearl. I think one of her songs was in the number two spot for a while, I'll have to ask her. We've been friends for years. I love her so much.

My best galpal Susan's mother is really sick. I feel so sorry for both of them. Susan had to go to Seattle to be with her. She mentioned that her Mother's feet are purple as well as other places. Just like my dad. God how sad. Her Mother was a smoker, man if any of you are still smoking or considering taking it up, please do what you can to stop, it's so bad for you. My boyfriend smokes but is in total denial about it, it makes me so sad for him. He thinks if you smoke an herb instead of tobacco it isn't the same but he's wrong, I hope he's right, but from everything I've read it's actually harsher on the lungs to hold smoke in for a bit before exhaling it, plus there are plenty of crappy things that are getting mixed into herbs these days. if you're not growing it, how do you know what's in it. I bought him a thing that makes vapor so that it won;t be smoke anymore and hopefully he'll take to it and that'll help with his asthma, the asthma that he has been in denial about and that I've known was coming on for years now. You can hear how laboured his breathing is, it doesn't sound normal.

My Mother's and my friend Marian died of lung cancer. She didn't even smoke, but her husband was a major smoker and her house always reeked, so she was a casualty of second hand smoke. My friend Coral was only forty when she died, she was lovely, really, a very special woman, and very talented, she had so much to offer, what a horrible loss. My Grandfather was a big smoker and he got emphysema late in life, when he suffered a broken hip as a result of a fall, he died in the hospital because his lungs filled and couldn't handle the strain of it. My friends Stephen and John Berkey lost their Mother to cancer, but I don't know if it was from years of smoking, or her intense addiction to passing out drunk in the sun.

Okay now I'm fat so I'm sure people look at me like a walking future heart attack or Diabetes girl, and I understand that, but with smoking I just don't get it, why start when it's such a horribly painful ugly way to die? I've even heard smoker friends refer to their cigarettes jokingly, as coffin nails, wow. My Mom was a two pack a day smoker for most of her life. Everyone she knew smoked. It was the thing to do. Now we know better, so the only reason to start is as some kind of rebellious screw you kind of thing. Mom managed to stop though, she tried so many different things and would always go back to it. She always had to have something to deal with her nerves, she is a very nervous person who could definitely benefit from a barrage of therapy and medications, but that's another story. Anyway she finally stopped by going to a hypnotist, you can't imagine how funny that juxtaposition is, and he made her think of gross stubbed out wet yellow cigarettes in the gutter whenever she wanted to smoke and that finally worked. Her friends own Schick centers, I don;t know if they exist anymore, but they used to be big, and when she went there she had to go in a room with a whole bunch of smokers, no air, no windows, and they were forced to light cigarettes one after the other, taking just one puff, until they were all throwing up into this trough in the middle. Man how about that for aversion therapy? Didn't work for Mom though.

Reality hits you so hard when your parents get ill and you are the only one who can take care of them. Life is a very rich and layered process though. So many shared experiences to go through. So much ritual in a way.


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