I wish there were some special person out there who would pay me to just do what I do on the computer everyday. I would be so happy to just sit here and make art and keep learning how to work programs. Then I could be their little design slave doggy girl. I know you guys think I have money because I talk about my babysitter/housekeeper/assistant pals but the truth is I live so hand to mouth and am always juggling and playing catch up with the bills. My jewelry and my silver are in the pawn shop because I needed the money to pay for a pet surgery last year. Now I'm just brazenly charging things to Mom, but I certainly couldn't ask her to help bail me out, it always has to be a little game. It's just that my wacky mother pays for things that she deems necessary but not things I might really need or even things I want. It kind of goes like this, "Mom I need money to rent a motor home so we'll have shelter from the sun and alkali storms in Burning Man this year." Then she says, "Absolutely not, I won't have you parading around naked with a bunch of savages in front of my grandson. besides I haven't a dime. Now let's talk about what kind of suit I'm going to buy you for my luncheon and I would like to take you to Hawaii with me on the fourteenth. Oh look my fifty boxes of shoes have arrived." I'm sure I must sound so stupid and spoiled to you guys when I talk about this kind of stuff. I just want to be able to have enough money to not have to worry about and play games with the bills every month. Like today for example, I had to call GTE and give them my mother's credit card because she won't pay for it directly but she will pay for it if I do it this way. I try to justify all of this insanity by thinking of it as a job, a very stressful job with energy-sapping, life-taxing, consequences, and we all have those. Then again my soul's mission this time around might be to learn how to be independent and stand on my own. Wouldn't that be nice?
If I had a good chunk of extra money right now, and I'm not talking about a lottery sized amount, I'd hire the best recording engineers and the best studio and the best graphic designer and get help distributing and helping my Scott record and release his CD. I mean it makes me sick that he is so unbelievably talented, he is the best songwriter and has the sexiest, sweetest, richest voice, and no one is hearing any of this right now.
When he performs live, people swoon, but he doesn't see this because he is too sad that his band broke up, and he is exhausted from having to be a total wage slave worker bee for a mean selfish law firm. Oh if I could just go in there one day like Rambina, with huge guns strapped to my chest and knives on my calves, and bust him out of there in a hail of bullets. (Ha ha I can just see those poor FBI-CIA-Grey-People-cyber-text-editors scratching their heads and jotting down notes about some probable future disaster, as I sit here in my too short tee-shirt and try to release the mounting tension in my neck.
I made some little pics for beachdog. I don't know if he'll want to use them but it was fun to do and I love doing nice things for people I hardly know. It's such a loving good karma boost, plus it was a blast. I remember the first time I came to Livejournal, thank you ana, I read about Mooty or shoot I'm so sorry, someone kind, making pics for friends here and I thought, wow I wish someone would make me a pic. Now I know how and am making them for other people, weeeeee, progress feels good, it really does.
