This was a fucked up day from hell.
First it was pile on Jacqui at Mom's house, with my Mother's flustered, depressed, secretary lecturing me, while simultaneously reeking of smoke and telling me that she needs to take antidepressants and that if it weren't for her kids and her new car she would have killed herself by driving off Mulholland. While this was going on, my Mother, who it breaks my heart to say, is getting more and more out of it, agitated, disconnected, and deaf, was saying, (over and over again), "I can't hear anything that's going on, you're all talking too fast. Hunh, what are you saying over there?" Then she would occasionally jump in and berate me for something, tell me how I'm dragging her down, spending too much money, she's sick of all of my animals, I have to get rid of them, if they get sick, well, then just put them to sleep, etc., etc. She told me that my Father who just died, (well to me it feels like just, and whose birthday card to me, one that he gave me when I was nineteen, is sitting here on my desk, because when I found it yesterday, I was afraid I couldn't handle reading it), never wanted to leave me anything in his will, and that she had to talk him in to it, but that she's sorry she did it because now she has less income.
Then Tina, the secretary, would say, "What a complete waste of your money, you might as well take it out in the driveway and burn it. All you want is instant gratification, it's worthless, blah blah blah," and then Mother would jump in with, "listen to her, she works for a living." Never mind that I worked for years and years, managed tons of money, had lots of people who worked for me. I'm not working now, even though I have inheritance and they are managing it for me, I'm a useless nothing and should listen to Mom's secretary, the mother of two crack addicts who can;t find work, yup she knows all about raising kids, and is in a perfect position to lecture me.
It was so much worse than I can describe here, I'm sure I come off as this spoiled ungrateful little brat but this was just insanity, not a normal conversation about money between adults. This was chaos, and stress, and shaming, and just total insanity. No logic, just panic, and fear, and blame. Finally after everything was supposedly resolved my Mother handed me this paper and told me to go get it notarized. It was a paper quit claiming my building, the only thing in this world, aside form my car, that I own outright, back to my Mother. I looked at her and said, "Why would I do something like this?" And she said, "Because you've proven that you can't handle money, you put a loan on it for God's sake, a loan, don't you know anything?"
Anyway she wanted me to give the building back to her so she could get the income I get from it, and control that as well. No way!! I'm not that fucking stupid. Then later she told me to "Get the hell out," because I gave her a headache. I was so upset and freaked out by all of this that I wound up doubling all of my medications and getting so sick I had to just sit in my car and wait for it to wear off because I couldn't drive safely.
Then joy of joys I come home and the first thing that happens is Beau greets me at the intercom with, "Mom, Noemi was mean to me, she told me I couldn't talk to Shayan and she hung up on him, blah blah blah." And later Noemi, who I totally depend on, came in my room and said, "I would like to talk to you after dinner." And I said, "Are you quitting?" And she said, "Yes." Then I asked if it was because of Beau, and she said yes. Then we had a lovely discussion about what a jerk my son is, how he doesn't have any respect for her, how he insulted her, and she has a limit to how much she can take, and that she has her pride and dignity.
I'm sure you guys know what a mushy empathy being I am, so please don't think it's ever okay with me for anyone to be rude to an assistant or someone who works for you. But there are two sides to this, yes Beau behaved poorly, yes he can be challenging, but Noemi comes from a very conservative, ultra-Christian, British background, and she thinks that kids should march in lock step. She has a low threshold for any kind of conflict, she overpersonalizes things, is waaaaayyyy too emotional, and can't let anything roll off her back, when it comes to kids. I know she cares about him and means well, but she is just way too closed minded and judgmental. Esther has asked her to take it easy on him. Even her own sister in law said she's terrible with kids. And she just doesn't have the kind of energy a job this demanding needs, she is way too slow, and the house is a mess. So I know this is all for the best, but I'm really, really, sad, and I'm scared. She's been good to us, and I get really close to the people who work for me. They become like sisters and it's just such a huge loss. When I was about to lose my things that were in the pawn shop, she loaned me three times as much as any of my friends did, so I could renew my loans. Plus I trust her, she's ethical and moral and would never steal anything or lie to me. So basically she's a tough little ball of girl and I love her and I'm really hurting right now over the prospect of losing her.
Then to cap it all off, my Mother's secretary, who just this morning told me, not to keep asking my Mother for money, calls drunk and rambles on and on about all kinds of painful uncomfortable things, told me how much she likes herself, "I think I'm fabulous, your Mother is lucky to have me, yes Rosa feeds me and now I'm doing my laundry over there but I really like myself, hic, hic," and then tells me that her daughter doesn't have a job, needs money, and she asked my Mother if she would pay her to come work for me. What? Isn't that just a wee bit confusing and crazy making? I have people who I care about who are dependent on me, who my Mother won't pay to help me when I need help, but she will pay her secretary's daughter...I just can't cope with it anymore. It's all just too fucking much for me.
Should I take my nightly dose of pills even though I doubled up on them earlier? Should I run over to Scott's and cry on his shoulder or would he be too stoned if he isn't sleeping? Should I tell my Mom that her secretary called drunk and that they make me crazy? Where will I find money for Christmas presents? How am I going to afford to pay for Esther and her kids and Saida, who worked here last weekend when my Mother told her to show up at her house, but then told her it was a mistake? How am I going to pay Hugo who put away the Halloween decorations and took down the Christmas ones? Where will the money for a Christmas tree come from? Will my son grow up to be a hurtful monster? Will I find anyone who would want to work here cleaning up after fifty cats, three dogs, three ferrets, a chinchilla, and eight rats? Will Beau's father ever grow up and act like a real Dad? What the fuck am I going to do????