May 21st, 2000


(no subject)

Hi Happy Weasel, I looooove you!!!! How are you my anafriend? You liked my little plastic kitty? I collect them is that weird or what? Do you want one? There are doggies too. I could send you both. They have blinky sleep eyes that open and close, better yet they make the cutest squeak when you squeeze them, hee hee.

getting over a fight wiht my boyfriend, he was being such a huge bratty baby last night. GOD!!!! Sometimes I get so frustrated.

I've been feeling old lately : ( I mean when I think about the fact that I could easily be Brad Fitz's mother, well it's just a bit upsetting. Also I've been wanting to get lyposuction under my chin at least. I saw these pictures of myself kissing this wonderful sweet dolphin in Tahiti and I was like miss tripple neck, very disturbing indeed.

You know I was bwosing Brad's site and he has this page where he lists his address and phone number, (wow kinda risky but brave) and he says to go ahead and give him a call so I took a bog breath and did. I felt so shy but he was really nice. His MOM is only 39! I remember when I was in college and thirty felt so old. I'm starting to want to lie about my age. I am really going to have to work this out because I love people of all ages, I love faces with character. I've never been ageist (sp?) never gave a shit whether I loved someone twenty years older, if I loved them I wanted to be close to them. I went out with a musician in a very popular band when I was eighteen and he was forty. He's the one that had a problem with it. Oh bah I could blab on for hours. thanks for writing back to me and seriously let m eknow if you'd like a kitty. I actually have this head here I've been meaning to send to you forever but I wanted to do something cool wiht it first but damnit there it sits undecorated.

The party for Beau yesterday went really well. We all had so much fun in the moonbounce. Lots of little boy energy and a few girls. The cats were pretty freaked about being kicked out of the house and put in the back house, poor guys, they were spitting mad, literally.

The magician brought a pretty bunny for Beau.

Puck the Chihuahua has taught Pookatwo(achu) to eat shit. That is really disgusting to me and makes me feel kinda distant. I feel like a bad dog mommy now but when they squeeze past me at the door to rush in and scrounge around in the cat boxes looking for things to eat, oh my God, shudder, it makes me sick and then the last thing I want to do is cuddle Pooka. Fuck what should I do. Ive tried these pills and putting tobasco on the caca. Nothing works. I've read that it has to dow iht being kept in poor conditions in their early puppyhood and they both came from the same store. So sad, and gross.

The ballons were soooo beautiful/cool. They were huge and had things inside the clear ones, glitter and mini gumball balloons and swirly balloons and doughnuts wiht squiggley ones that went thru them. Well I should go navigate, thanks for writing.

Big huge hugs for my anapal,

PS: I figiured out how to get back to irc now, I dont know why some of these things intimidate me so much. Oh there was a beautiful girl/woman at my party who came wiht someone else, she was so filled wiht light, I adored her, will write about her on my journal page. Love you, me.


(no subject)

Oh noooooo, I posted the wrong thing here. I thought about clipping some of the letter I wrote to ana and pasting it here and then decided not to so instead I wrote this big longo thing about fame and opportunity and will post that here but I ahd meant to copy that here instead of the one to ana, oh well, live and loin cloth.

Hi Pals,

Guess what? Yesterday I ran smack into Rob Reiner in our local toy store and I was just about to do my usual, I'm a cool professional gal who would never act funky around anyone successful and impose on them thing, but decide instead to slowly walk out of the store and to my car and throw everything around looking for my business card so I could come back and nonchalantly give it to him. I don't know why that kind of stuff is hard for me to do. Wasn't it Oprah (or someone she quoted) who said preparation + opportunity = luck or something like that? Anyway I walked up to him with my heart pounding and said, "Hi, I just wanted to give you this because you never know what the hell" or something like that. I had wanted to say, "I'm the as talented but less in your face and friendlier version of Camryhn Manheim you've been looking to hire for less," but the opportunity never came up. I could have said you gave my old friends Daphne Zuniga and Tim Robbins their first big breaks but fuuuck you always think of what you could have said after the fact. In any case he was really, really nice!!! He looked at my card and started reading it aloud, then his little boy snatched it out of his hand and said, "Hey you're coming out of that flower," and I said "Yes and then smiled and mumbled something about well you never know and then took off." Wish I could have been ballsier because I've heard he likes that but ti really took so much out of me just to be brave enough to walk up to him like that. There is just this really strong unwritten code of ethics here that says, only fannish geeks bother people they recognize. I mean I see them every single day. At the market, the gas station, the bank, the park. I remember once when I was driving on Sunset with my friend Karen, (this was years and years ago), and a limo with John Travolta in the back passed by us. Well, of course I like to act like I couldn't care less and Karen well she jumped at the window glass so hard saying, "OH MY GOD, IT'S JOHN TRAVOLTA!!! JOOOOOHHHN!!!! OH JOOOHHHHNNN????" I can still remember the sound of her hands hitting the inside of the car window, her fingers splayed out against the glass like a trapped dog, and the click of several acrylic finger nails as they snapped off. Now I love my friend Karen and she's lived here forever so she's seen her fair share of celebrities as well but she was rabid and it made me feel so small and uncomfortable. I was actually so close to two of my girlhood idols where I could easily have said something and had their full attention but chose not too, Meryl Streep in a booth at Soup Plantation, and Barbra (please don't laugh) Streisand (oh man my geek quotient just went up way high now didn't it)? sat next to me at a movie in Century City, and chose not too. You know I think I have a memory of trying to get David Soul's autograph at a groovy Beverly Hills restaurant when he was in Starsky and Hutch and his being really mean to me, hmmm. Anyway I'm starting to think there's a more honest middle ground, somewhere between being too afraid to accept advantages that are literally flung in my face and groveling at people's feet. I swear I was in my favorite fat gal clothing store in North Hollywood one day and was just chatting away to everyone there, telling stories and making everyone laugh, when one of the customers pulled out her card and put it down in front of me saying, "Hi I'm head of all comedy development for (ABC, CBS or NBC), one of the big networks and I'd like you to come see me, I could really help you" and do you think I did it???? Nope just left the card there forgetting to take it with me. I met a really nice mother and son at the vets late one night and charmed the hell out of them, turned out he was a child star on some sitcom and the Mom said she liked me so much she was going to call her business partner and tell her about me and would see to it that they took me on and helped manage me, all I had to do was call. An agent browsing through my photographers book said that she thought I would be just perfect for her and I let that slide. I made friends with another woman whose daughter had the most amazing agent in the world on her side. He nagged and nagged this casting director so much, even offering him money to see this girl, that he did and she got a major role in a feature film that's coming out. Her Mom said she thought I was so funny and deserved a break and would insist that he take me on. I guess I'm telling all of you this because a.) I'm chatty, b.) I stayed up way too late last night so I don't really know or are what the hell I'm doing or c.) I'm really pissed off at myself for the opportunities I've let slide and am actually proud of my self for being proactive for once. I also ran into, (you run into people in this place, narrow aisles, sharp turns), Tom Hanks in the same Toy store and have twice been within complimenting range of Michelle Pfeiffer, once at dance school and one guessed it, the same toy store. Okay well that was a long one. I was going to tell you guys about Beaus party and paste some stuff back in her from a response but I tired myself out. I'll come back later. I'd like to paste my business card here so you can see what I gave him...maybe I'll go get the address and come back.

Love you guys,

PS: I called bradfitz on the phone and he was really nice, that was risky too. I feel so old around some of you guys. Oh well I'll get over it.