July 3rd, 2000

Chalkboard

(no subject)

I wonder if other people have as hard a time as I do asserting themselves and putting their feeties down.

I was going to come here today and post a happy little post about Hello Kitty Toasters and things. Mostly I've been going around trying to thank people for their kindnesses and I know I haven't gotten to everyone, but I just have to deal with this eBay disaster, or I will ruin the chance of making the Fourth of July happy for my son and our friends. I'll be too bogged down with fear and depression, yup.

Okay, so the reason why my entry isn't chirpy and filled with the cooing of happy little dove birdies, is because I had to go take a big stand with my housekeeper/assistant/pal Coco and her teenage daughter Selene. I told them they have to stop using physical punishment to control them, or they will have to leave. It isn't easy for me to take a stand with people. I worry that I might be wrong or that I'll hurt their feelings or that I'm not being a good person. But hitting, smacking, pinching and forcing children to kneel on the wood floor for long periods of time just isn't

The problem is that her kids are wildly out of control. They're naughty and they do as they please and they make so much noise and break stuff and stress us all out. Beau does his share as well, believe me. But they seem to have only one way of dealing with these kids and that's to hit and spank and abuse them. And I just won't have it in my home anymore. It's really, really screwed! I feel like such a prejudiced judgmental jerk but if their culture is too stupid or backwards or lazy to come up with more creative, life sustaining, non shaming, injurious ways to discipline their children then that is their own fault and not something to be borne by my son and our animals and myself under my own roof, in my own home.

I have been putting up with this for I don't know how many weeks now. The first I heard of it was when Beau told me that Selene is really mean and hurts the kids. Then there was the incident with the broom in my upstairs bathroom. I told you about that one, where I didn't know why it was there, and Beau told me Selene used it to hit the kids. Then Selene told me her father used to use an electric cord tripled up to beat her until she bled. Then I heard slapping and crying and tussling in their room from time to time. Then we had a bit of a break because they sent Edgar to live with friends for a week. Then Selene told Beau that when kids act badly they get put on their knees and whipped. Then she showed him scars on her back, which really freaked him out. I told Coco that I couldn't believe she would whip her own child and she denied it and made Selene say she was just saying that to scare Beau so he'd behave. Isn't this horrible?

All along I keep telling Coco that it has to stop. That I don't want this in my home. I feel so sorry for these kids. The hitting, slapping, pinching, etc., doesn't help in any way that I can see. It's evil, repulsive, cruel and abusive. I know that they don't know any better but it is time that they learn! I'm sure that Coco's husband abused her and then she abused Selene who learned to abuse her children. But I thought the reason she brought the kids here in the first place was to get them away from the abuse. Not to bring it with them. The only thing that I have personally seen Selene do was to run after Talia (Wegie) when she ran off in a crowd to see something, and pinch her really hard. It was scary. I knew she was doing it to protect her from getting lost, I know that she is trying to do the right thing and it is all so confusing and sad. but the bottom line for me on this is that I am not part of their family cycle, I didn't start any of this violence and I don't have to expose my son to it in any way. So while they live under my roof this must stop.

Beau came into my room just before this all happened and told me that he and the kids were playing outside and that Selene came out and grabbed them and dragged them upstairs. Apparently Coco had banned them to their room, because she wanted to work in peace. Maybe she was worried about making too much noise for me. So she was pissed that they ran out. She dragged them into their room and closed the door and then locked it and hit them. Beau said he heard slapping and crying.

I got up and went and got Coco and said I wouldn't allow this anymore. I told her that I loved her and I cared about her but that she was the head of her family and I wouldn't listen to another excuse. That Selene was her daughter and that if she couldn't get her to stop abusing the kids then they would all have to leave. She kept interrupting and making excuses like she usually does, she kept saying that she's told Selene again and again not to hit the kids, but that she does it anyway. I told her that I don't care, that Selene is still seventeen and underage, and that she is these kids mother. That she has to use her mind instead of her hands, Selene as well, and to find other solutions.

I went to the door of their room and told them to come out. When Selene opened it I could tell she had been crying, and there were the kids on their knees on the floor in front of their twin beds. I think that's some form of punishment they use, to force them to kneel for long periods, in order to get them to obey. It was so awful to see. I told them to come out and the kids were afraid to get up and kept looking at Selene asking for permission.

After everyone was gathered on the stairs in the hall I just restated everything for Selene. Coco was crying. I felt so badly for all of them. I told Coco in front of Selene that I didn't want to ask her to leave, that I care very much about her and was only putting up with all of this crazy stress and expense, out of caring for her and for her children, and a desire to help them. I told her that I wouldn't listen to any more excuses, and looking at Selene I said that if this doesn't stop, if they don't find other ways to handle things, then they all have to go. I told them that I could easily find just one person, who doesn't have three children who are acting out and making life hellish, to come work for us. I mean shit, I have been putting up with so much lately for these guys. I am sooooo stressed out, about money, I'm paying for all of their food and entertainment and phone bills and it's scaring me so badly. And Coco expects me to just accept that her own daughter is out of control and wont listen to her when she says to stop hitting the kids? Well, that just isn't okay.

I gave them a ton of suggestions for ways to keep the kids busy during the day. I told them that Selene could take them outside and play with them. She just doesn't want to, she's a teenager and all she wants to do is sit in her room and watch TV or listen to her loud bass playing stolen stereo. Well, that sucks for the kids, and it sucks for me. She needs to supervise their playing, she needs to go outside and bike ride with them, and go for long walks and explore.

They have so much energy and it just wont work to keep them bottled up in a small room. Man I'm so frustrated, grrrrrr. I told them that hitting children is illegal here, and that all I would have to do is pick up the phone and the police would come. I told them that if she does this out on the street somewhere that she would be reported, that someone could come and take the kids. I told her that I couldn't let this go on in my own home anymore, that I couldn't look the other way. I told her that I was angry and that I think hitting is cruel and lazy. I told her that I was sorry her parents hit her and that I know that's what was taught to her and I was sorry but it should now stop with her. Then I told Coco that she would have to help Selene too. I also told the kids to please try to do what their Mom and sister ask them to do.

The hardest part for me psychologically is to know where my boundaries and limits are, and to define them firmly for myself and my son, to care about these guys and not give up all of my energy and time trying to save them, to respect their traditions, and culture, and rights while at the same time listening to my heart when it tells me that this is wrong.

My neck tension is killing me and all I want to do is flee. Normally around this time of year we'd be in Palm Springs at our house, playing in the pool and looking up at the palm trees, and the stars at night. But I can't see it as being much of a vacation with all of these kids and I can't go without someone to help me, because my knees are so bad and my energy is so low that I wouldn't be able to get the house clean enough for my perfectionist mother and her rotten maid. Last year after we went, I did the best job I could cleaning things when we left, but in the fall when Mom went down with Rosa, she made a big deal of pointing out every little speck she could find and blamed me for it, even though I go once or twice a year and she goes several times and rents it out. It couldn't have been that bad, I tried so hard to make it JH perfect, so I'm pretty certain Rosa was pulling one of her, "look what a hardworking martyr I am, your daughter is so undeserving," trips on Mom.

Sometimes when I write about all of this housekeeper/helper centered stuff, I worry that you guys must think I am the biggest bourgeois pig in the universe.

Damnit, look at this, another huge entry, oh argh, and all I wanted was to show you this cute little pink Hello Kitty Toaster.



Ana mentioned a Hello Kitty vibrator I think, or some wonderful person on her BBS did. I wish I had one of those, but it would have to be as powerful and groovy as the Magic Wand one by Hitachi. Hey, you wanna know something weird? I haven't been able to find one in a while. I've been to a few different pharmacies and drug stores and no luck. My favorite drug store, Super Drugs said they think they've been discontinued. Of course the first gal who answered the phone asked me what I would use one for, I should have said a pain in the neck, referring to her. I haven't looked on the net yet. Aha they're available. Hmmm, how weird, they are hard to get now for some reason.

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I wonder if other people have as hard a time as I do asserting themselves and putting their feeties down.

I was going to come here today and post a happy little post about Hello Kitty Toasters and things. Mostly I've been going around trying to thank people for their kindnesses and I know I haven't gotten to everyone, but I just have to deal with this eBay disaster, or I will ruin the chance of making the Fourth of July happy for my son and our friends. I'll be too bogged down with fear and depression, yup.

Okay, so the reason why my entry isn't chirpy and filled with the cooing of happy little dove birdies, is because I had to go take a big stand with my housekeeper/assistant/pal Coco and her teenage daughter Selene. I told them they have to stop using physical punishment to control them, or they will have to leave. It isn't easy for me to take a stand with people. I worry that I might be wrong or that I'll hurt their feelings or that I'm not being a good person. But hitting, smacking, pinching and forcing children to kneel on the wood floor for long periods of time just isn't

The problem is that her kids are wildly out of control. They're naughty and they do as they please and they make so much noise and break stuff and stress us all out. Beau does his share as well, believe me. But they seem to have only one way of dealing with these kids and that's to hit and spank and abuse them. And I just won't have it in my home anymore. It's really, really screwed! I feel like such a prejudiced judgmental jerk but if their culture is too stupid or backwards or lazy to come up with more creative, life sustaining, non shaming, injurious ways to discipline their children then that is their own fault and not something to be borne by my son and our animals and myself under my own roof, in my own home.

I have been putting up with this for I don't know how many weeks now. The first I heard of it was when Beau told me that Selene is really mean and hurts the kids. Then there was the incident with the broom in my upstairs bathroom. I told you about that one, where I didn't know why it was there, and Beau told me Selene used it to hit the kids. Then Selene told me her father used to use an electric cord tripled up to beat her until she bled. Then I heard slapping and crying and tussling in their room from time to time. Then we had a bit of a break because they sent Edgar to live with friends for a week. Then Selene told Beau that when kids act badly they get put on their knees and whipped. Then she showed him scars on her back, which really freaked him out. I told Coco that I couldn't believe she would whip her own child and she denied it and made Selene say she was just saying that to scare Beau so he'd behave. Isn't this horrible?

All along I keep telling Coco that it has to stop. That I don't want this in my home. I feel so sorry for these kids. The hitting, slapping, pinching, etc., doesn't help in any way that I can see. It's evil, repulsive, cruel and abusive. I know that they don't know any better but it is time that they learn! I'm sure that Coco's husband abused her and then she abused Selene who learned to abuse her children. But I thought the reason she brought the kids here in the first place was to get them away from the abuse. Not to bring it with them. The only thing that I have personally seen Selene do was to run after Talia (Wegie) when she ran off in a crowd to see something, and pinch her really hard. It was scary. I knew she was doing it to protect her from getting lost, I know that she is trying to do the right thing and it is all so confusing and sad. but the bottom line for me on this is that I am not part of their family cycle, I didn't start any of this violence and I don't have to expose my son to it in any way. So while they live under my roof this must stop.

Beau came into my room just before this all happened and told me that he and the kids were playing outside and that Selene came out and grabbed them and dragged them upstairs. Apparently Coco had banned them to their room, because she wanted to work in peace. Maybe she was worried about making too much noise for me. So she was pissed that they ran out. She dragged them into their room and closed the door and then locked it and hit them. Beau said he heard slapping and crying.

I got up and went and got Coco and said I wouldn't allow this anymore. I told her that I loved her and I cared about her but that she was the head of her family and I wouldn't listen to another excuse. That Selene was her daughter and that if she couldn't get her to stop abusing the kids then they would all have to leave. She kept interrupting and making excuses like she usually does, she kept saying that she's told Selene again and again not to hit the kids, but that she does it anyway. I told her that I don't care, that Selene is still seventeen and underage, and that she is these kids mother. That she has to use her mind instead of her hands, Selene as well, and to find other solutions.

I went to the door of their room and told them to come out. When Selene opened it I could tell she had been crying, and there were the kids on their knees on the floor in front of their twin beds. I think that's some form of punishment they use, to force them to kneel for long periods, in order to get them to obey. It was so awful to see. I told them to come out and the kids were afraid to get up and kept looking at Selene asking for permission.

After everyone was gathered on the stairs in the hall I just restated everything for Selene. Coco was crying. I felt so badly for all of them. I told Coco in front of Selene that I didn't want to ask her to leave, that I care very much about her and was only putting up with all of this crazy stress and expense, out of caring for her and for her children, and a desire to help them. I told her that I wouldn't listen to any more excuses, and looking at Selene I said that if this doesn't stop, if they don't find other ways to handle things, then they all have to go. I told them that I could easily find just one person, who doesn't have three children who are acting out and making life hellish, to come work for us. I mean shit, I have been putting up with so much lately for these guys. I am sooooo stressed out, about money, I'm paying for all of their food and entertainment and phone bills and it's scaring me so badly. And Coco expects me to just accept that her own daughter is out of control and wont listen to her when she says to stop hitting the kids? Well, that just isn't okay.

I gave them a ton of suggestions for ways to keep the kids busy during the day. I told them that Selene could take them outside and play with them. She just doesn't want to, she's a teenager and all she wants to do is sit in her room and watch TV or listen to her loud bass playing stolen stereo. Well, that sucks for the kids, and it sucks for me. She needs to supervise their playing, she needs to go outside and bike ride with them, and go for long walks and explore.

They have so much energy and it just wont work to keep them bottled up in a small room. Man I'm so frustrated, grrrrrr. I told them that hitting children is illegal here, and that all I would have to do is pick up the phone and the police would come. I told them that if she does this out on the street somewhere that she would be reported, that someone could come and take the kids. I told her that I couldn't let this go on in my own home anymore, that I couldn't look the other way. I told her that I was angry and that I think hitting is cruel and lazy. I told her that I was sorry her parents hit her and that I know that's what was taught to her and I was sorry but it should now stop with her. Then I told Coco that she would have to help Selene too. I also told the kids to please try to do what their Mom and sister ask them to do.

The hardest part for me psychologically is to know where my boundaries and limits are, and to define them firmly for myself and my son, to care about these guys and not give up all of my energy and time trying to save them, to respect their traditions, and culture, and rights while at the same time listening to my heart when it tells me that this is wrong.

My neck tension is killing me and all I want to do is flee. Normally around this time of year we'd be in Palm Springs at our house, playing in the pool and looking up at the palm trees, and the stars at night. But I can't see it as being much of a vacation with all of these kids and I can't go without someone to help me, because my knees are so bad and my energy is so low that I wouldn't be able to get the house clean enough for my perfectionist mother and her rotten maid. Last year after we went, I did the best job I could cleaning things when we left, but in the fall when Mom went down with Rosa, she made a big deal of pointing out every little speck she could find and blamed me for it, even though I go once or twice a year and she goes several times and rents it out. It couldn't have been that bad, I tried so hard to make it JH perfect, so I'm pretty certain Rosa was pulling one of her, "look what a hardworking martyr I am, your daughter is so undeserving," trips on Mom.

Sometimes when I write about all of this housekeeper/helper centered stuff, I worry that you guys must think I am the biggest bourgeois pig in the universe.

Damnit, look at this, another huge entry, oh argh, and all I wanted was to show you this cute little pink Hello Kitty Toaster.

<IMG SRC="http://www.dreamkitty.com/Merchant2/graphics/00000002/product/K-SKKT11_l.jpg">

Ana mentioned a Hello Kitty vibrator I think, or some wonderful person on her BBS did. I wish I had one of those, but it would have to be as powerful and groovy as the Magic Wand one by Hitachi. Hey, you wanna know something weird? I haven't been able to find one in a while. I've been to a few different pharmacies and drug stores and no luck. My favorite drug store, Super Drugs said they think they've been discontinued. Of course the first gal who answered the phone asked me what I would use one for, I should have said a pain in the neck, referring to her. I haven't looked on the net yet. Aha they're available. Hmmm, how weird, they are hard to get now for some reason.

<IMG SRC="http://www.hitachihome.com/images/hv250r.gif"

I wanted to buy one for my Latin-American pals Esther and Coco who sexual though they may be, had never used a vibrator before. But the stores were all out so I wound up with these huge intimidating things instead. I don't think they've even tried them.

<IMG SRC="http://www.halfpastmidnight.com/409.gif">