October 13th, 2000

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Hiya Pals,

Have I told you that I love you yet today? Well, I do. I LOVE YOU!!! I love the people who make up LiveJournal. This is just the best community and I am always reminded of how grateful I am for your company and presence in my life. It's so wonderful to have an interactive journal for the first time in my life.

"I shudder for my country when I remember that God is just." I don't remember who said this, maybe you do, but it seems appropriate right now. As the sun rises on this day, The Day of Rage, that is being called for by the Palestinians, I just wanted to ask if you would take a second as you read this, and visualize peace or white light in the Middle East.

Today was a scary-sad day, news wise! So it's nice to have comrade pals to chat with. I'm sorry but I don't trust our government, and I don't trust the media, so I don't know what is real and what is true, I don't know what to believe. It's all very Big Brother for me. One minute they tell us this particular person is the antichrist, then the next minute it's someone else. Am I becoming too cynical? I don't know. I also feel kind of sadly defeatist about the middle east, how can any piece of paper help people who have hated each other passionately from birth, live peacefully together. Then there are all of the people I know who are just going about their lives, blithely ignoring how volatile this is, how close we all are to being sucked into another World War. Those poor sailors, all of the people who've been murdered on both sides, insanity. All I can do is pray.

Those of you who read my journal on a regular basis know I am totally terrified of bio-terorism. You know it just can't be a coincidence that every time I see those chemtrails overhead I get sick for weeks and so does every one else I know. Look it up you guys, please, chemtrails, tell me what you think. I'd love it if you debunked it for me. Tonight on Coast to Coast a female psychic called in who said she'd had a vision of a major terrorist attack on the US main land. See I know I shouldn't indulge in this stuff because my mind is just too fertile and creative. I can't hear this stuff and then just go bwa ha ha like everyone else can. Argh!

I'll be heading over to the land o' Irq in a minute, but first I have to be a good pal and cruise my buddies journals and say hello. I've also set a deadline for myself to learn some of things I need to learn around here. If anyone would like to trade favors or engage in an exchange of karma I need some help. I don't know how to do thinks like link a picture of my other journal here permanently somewhere so people can click it and go there. I'd like to add a counter and change some of the default text. I'd like to change the colors and style. I've tried to play around with it but alas I am lame and wound up creating a really, really ugly style. I have great design sense but just don't have the HTML skills or maybe it's my brain that thinks in big puffy circles and is hard to grab a hold of when it's off floating around the clouds.

I had lunch/dinner (linner?) at this deli I love in the valley. I sat under the TV so I could watch CNN. There was a nice man sitting next to me who started talking to me about it. People were glued to the TV. I ha to force myself to stop watching so I could calm down. Then of course I wound up listening in to this guys entire cell phone call about this film he's producing. He was talking to some distributors. LA, sheesh.

Oh I got my thirteen hundred dollars for the Burning Man article in the mail today. God I'm grateful. It completely saved me. I went to the pumpkin patch and bought a whole bunch of pumpkins and bales of hay. We get really wild about Halloween here. We usually have a big haunted pumpkin patch, and a graveyard with ghouls and bats, and flying witches and goblins. We have flashing black lights and fog machines. It is so much fun! We'll start decorating tomorrow.


The best part of my whole day though was hanging out with this beautiful brown bull at the pumpkin patch.
He was a little teenager boy cow and he was sitting down in this pen. I felt so sorry for him, so I went over and sat down in the dirt next to his cage place. I got to pet him for so long and he turned his head to me so I kissed him on the mouth. It was so nice and just made me so happy in a sad kind of way because I felt so sorry for him. (Ya know for anyone who thinks that's gross, consider the fact that if you can't kiss a cow, how come you can eat them, wait don't answer that it'll just upset me.) Then he kissed me back on my hands.

He was so pretty with these big dark frightened eyes with these beautiful long cow lashes. Then he got up and I got up and we were kind of staring at each other, and then he let me know he wanted something to eat. I just kind of read his mooey mind and went and got some green hay or alfalfa that was around the corner and fed it to him. Then he was looking at me and then nudging his head towards these boxes of tiny pumpkins that were stacked up near his pen. He was definitely letting me know that he wanted one. I thought that was weird because I didn't think a cow would want to eat a pumpkin but I stretched over to them and grabbed one. It was big enough to fill my hand. I put it over the fence and he came right over and sniffed it and rubbed his lips over it. Then he licked it and then he took a big bite out of it as if it were an apple, while I was holding it! That was so awesome! Cow heaven for me! So I just kept rotating the pumpkin so that he could take bites out of it until it was too awkward to hold and he snatched the whole thing out of my hand. I've never seen a cow eat a pumpkin but he loved it and put his hoof over it to hold it in place and ate every little bit of it. I felt so glad that I could do this small thing to brighten his day.

There were some little kids who came over and were watching me, so I took the opportunity to brainwash them for my cause, and told them that cows are hamburgers. They were actually surprised, that's how far people are from the animals they eat.

Then I went over to the turkeys, but they were upset and squawking away, and when I got too close the gal turkey bit me. It hurt. But I still felt sorry for her. There was a nice Mexican man there who was feeding the animals and we started talking about animals and vegetarianism, and living in the city versus living on a ranch. He was nice. It was a good conversation, even though we were far apart in some ways in our world views and close in others. He kind of thought about my feelings about the cow, he agreed that it's sad he will be killed to be eaten and said, "But it's his destiny to die."


I think it's wonderful that the old gorilla gal in the zoo here broke free, and ran around checking out things, and snacking out of the trash cans. Poor thing. They should let them do that more often. Imagine spending your life in a fake environment that was a hundred times smaller than your home. I think it would be like putting us in a room with stereos, and TV's, cars, and swimming pools painted on the walls. Then every once in a while they'd toss in someone of the opposite sex, and sit around watching us hoping we'd screw, and then hand over our babies.
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I got these from Lianna or Cinamon Girl's journal. They were so lovely I just had to quote my three favorite. It was hard to narrow them down to three. These are quotes taken from a survey of four to eight year olds on the meaning of love. Lianna where did you find this?

"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love."

"When someone loves you, the way she says your name is different. You
know that your name is safe in her mouth."

"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars
come out of you."

I just love the last one. I think I'm going to add it to my sig. Thanks so much Li-Li.

Big huge hugs,
Jacqui