January 24th, 2001


(no subject)

Hello my little Live Journal love buggies,

Just checking back in with you to let you know how I did on my commitments. Well, I'm still working on it but so far I;

1.) Answered a little bit of my e-mail.
2.) Created and printed a Valentine's letter to mail to my Ebay sellers.
3.) Walked on the treadmill for fifteen minutes (fifteen minutes is kind of a miracle for me.)
4.) Created a new community journal on Live Journal for people who have ever been broken hearted, who are currently broken hearted, or who would like to help other people who are broken hearted. Basically, it's a place where people can vent or mend over getting dumped. Plus we have a lovebot who massages feet and passes out hot chocolate with lots of mini marshmallows. (You'll have to imagine him/her though, because I don't have a clue what that would look like in html.) You can always find us by doing a search for brokenhearts or going here;

Jacqui's Broken Hearts/Mending Hearts, sewing circle's community journal

(no subject)

This is so fucking heartbreaking I can't believe it. IAM.COM just went under, I only just now found out. I just finally put my pictures, and my promo, and business card in an envelope, addressed it, and put it in my car to mail to IAM.com. I procrastinated about this for six months. It was one of the things I was feeling really good about myself for finally gettting done this week. God how depressing. I know things work out as they are meant to, I am really centered in knowing this, but I'm allowed to feel depressed for a good moment or two over this. Fuck!

Date: 1/22/01 5:41:11 PM Pacific Standard Time
From: memberhelp@iam.com (IAM.COM)
Reply-to: memberhelp@iam.com
To: cdelalune@aol.com (Jacqui Hyland)

Dear Jacqui,

Effective January 22, 2001, IAM.COM has suspended operations. IAM.COM will be
contacting you in the near future regarding a refund of your paid membership.
We want to take this opportunity to thank you for your support and to wish you
well on your journey to be seen and be heard by the entertainment industry.

The Team at IAM.COM, Inc.

Here's what the website says;

A note to the IAM.COM community, members and the trade.

"We want to thank each of you for making IAM.COM a reality. Our greatest joy has been to see the magic that is made when a performer is truly seen and heard by the entertainment industry. It has been our passion and our reason to be. While financial circumstances have made it necessary for IAM.COM to suspend its services at this time, we wish you all the very best.

We will be contacting our paying members in the near future to provide information about the refund of any membership fees.

To those actors, models, musicians and dancers who were kind enough to jump across the digital divide with us, we thank you. Hang on to your dreams. It has been our privilege to help you on your way."

I feel so sorry for all of their employees. People warned me about this but I didn't want to listen.

You know not only did they close, but my favorite flower store, The Woods, a really big deal flower store, they do a lot of the industry arrangements is closing. They lost their lease and don't have anywhere to go yet. I love The Woods. It's in this big old wooden hangar like structure, with big ceilings and wooden beams and huge glass windows. It represents holidays to me because you can always go in and it smells so pretty and is decorated for every season. It just feels good in there and I can always find something unique to give. I wonder what's going on. So much change around me. Could it be astrological, or something to do with the year of the snake? I hate to think of all of these people without jobs, etoys hanging on by a thread and God knows how many other companies that were so hopeful and young. What's going on?

Hmmm, Soul Trading, the Energy Crisis, Friends Having Babies, Oprah, and Showing Your "Tits" For Beads.

Boy, or Man, getting here was not easy today. I stayed up so late last night, (we're talking six am here), that I slept until eleven, got up and went pee, then went back to sleep until two. Then I took the ferrets out to play while Noemi cleaned their cage. While they were playing I made my phone calls, had my oatmeal, banana, and frozen fruit blended drink, and then I took my pills.

I played with the cats and watched Oprah. She was talking about a book she loves, I can picture the cover, and this decent seeming young author. I'd like to read the book. I was moved by the way he paid tribute to his talented and obviously very loving father after he died. He and his brother built his coffin themselves. They dug his grave as well and lay in it and stared up at the sky. He spoke about how we let too many other people do very central things for us and that by going to the heart of his grief he was able to experience the great joy of the gratitude he felt for having had such a wonderful man for his father. God, I truly love Oprah. I was thinking about how much I would love to be on her show in one of her book review dinners. What are the odds? I'd have to be very passionate and very lucky.

My friend Monique just called to tell me that she was interviewed about the energy crisis on Channel four and wanted me to tape it at 6:00, but just like I'm lame when it comes to my slow cyber learning curve, so am I lame with my VCR, so I called my sweetheart and begged him to help (he's still sick, poor angel man). She said she quoted an old friend of mine, who had recently commented on it on Politically Incorrect, something to the affect of the Energy companies behaving like Capitalists when they're doing well, and then acting like Socialists when they aren't. The whole thing is so upsetting and bizarre and just doesn't feel right to me.

The funny thing about Monique, well it's actually kind of moving and sad, is that she hasn't told anyone in her family that she just had a little girl. She managed to keep the whole thing secret; her pregnancy and the birth. This coming Sunday we'll be attending the baby's baptism. I understand her reasons. One of her sisters, is well, to put it kindly, not well, and Monique is afraid she'll come around and want to have contact. Her brother is, hmmmm, this might be too private, so I'll just say he's unavailable. Her other sister lives about as far away as you can while still living in the US, and is hyper critical, so she just opted out of telling any of them. I think in her heart of hearts she dreams that when they do find out someday, they will realize that they had made her feel so unable to trust them that this was the only option left to her. I think she dreams that they will then tell her how sorry they are and change. I don't think it will happen that way. She was worried because when she was interviewed on the news, she had the baby with her. She was planning her excuse in case anyone saw her and wondered who the little baby belonged to.

Last night, over at the Soul Exchange, I was told to "Stick it" by the Devil for having written them a kind of cynical letter. A few soulless individuals called me an idiot and a few other things. That cheered me up and made my night. I love a good debate/fight, but particularly when I feel really comfortable and grounded in my own POV. Besides I was feeling pretty rotten after learning about the demise of IAM.com.

I actually think some of the stories written there, (at the Soul Exchange) are pretty funny and interesting, and I love the whole idea of points being added and subtracted based on current or possibly past events. I think it's a very cool idea and a very groovy site. (I need to find some other words to replace cool and groovy, they're getting so tired, any ideas?) I don't honestly believe that people who are trading souls there, think it's real. If they do, I think they don't really give a shit about their soul, or the concept of it, or the way religion or some patriarchal society defines something that is theirs to do with as they please. It's kind of like, here take my soul, screw you, this is fun, ha ha. Believe me I get it, I love tweaking societal norms, I love giving conservative thought and commonly accepted standards the finger. That's just one part of why I love Burning Man so much. If you want to go naked to my son's school, then I'm all for you. Tattoo your face, your boobs, your ass, wear a pretty pink sequined tutu to the bank if you're a guy, and walk around in jockey shorts, grow and braid your armpit hair and go topless if you're a gal. I'll cheer you on. I think it's just that when it comes to anyone having reverence for anything spiritual, it just smacks too much of the religious right for people to get that someone open minded and open hearted might just have a dissenting opinion.

I doubt if the designer thinks it's real. I however think I know enough about spirituality and metaphysics to think that even playing with it on this level, is like playing with a Ouija Board, it invites the darkness, gives it an opportunity to come on in. I value and cherish my own soul and yours so dearly as to be a bit more careful when it comes to stuff like this. I just don't want to get in on this one. My heart says, unh unh, not this time.

I wouldn't sell my soul for everlasting life. I wouldn't sell it for an Academy Award, a Tony and a Grammy. I wouldn't sell it for a lifetime of great acting roles in the finest films that have yet to be made. I wouldn't sell it for a ten picture deal at any studio. I wouldn't sell it for weight loss or a permanent cure to my lifelong struggle with acne. I wouldn't sell it to bring my favorite cat back. I wouldn't sell it to make my husband really love me and apologize for all the crap he's done to us. I wouldn't sell it for money or good health, to save the life of my child, to cure AIDS or cancer or even for peace on earth.

I wouldn't sell my soul, hypothetically, casually, cynically, rebelliously, jokingly, on paper, on the net, with a handshake, over a drink, for a bet, written in blood, India or Soy Based Ink, or in any other way, shape, or form to anyone, ever. I know that it's not meant to be real. I know other people have different beliefs. I don't fault them. Worship and believe in the power of the great orange God of Tang for all I care. I just don't think it's cool for ME, and well, anyone I really love or care about ; ) and I'm entitled to express my opinion.

Okay well, I'm off to get some more work done and hopefully, cross your fingers for me, my Live Journal comrades and friends, I'll actually be able to leave this house and go see Sleeping Crouching something Tiger and Hidden Dragon. We wound up not being able to go yesterday because Beau and Noemi got into a fight.

Love you guys,

Oh, and look my Mardi Gras beads just came. I got purple and green and gold and silver and black beads. I got pirate flags and flowers and skull and crossed swords with blinking red eyes. I got all of this and I didn't even have to show anyone my tits, heh heh, not that I would have minded. (Tits seems like such an icky sounding word for some reason).

Please remember that if you, or anyone you know, are working through breakup issues, to come on by the new community I've started; Broken Hearts/Mending Hearts' sewing circle's Community Journal</a) We're just getting started, but it should be pretty wonderful given a bit o' time.
  • Current Music
    classical on the radio for the cats

(no subject)

Are you ever just blown away by how beautiful people are here on Live Jpurnal. You know just completely shattered by their loveliness? I'm going to all of my friend's journals to get their emails to mail them invites to my new community and I'm simply blown away. You should just go to my info and hit my friends pages one by one from the top. I'm used to reading my friend's journals from my friends page. It makes a huge difference when you actually visit their journals. Silly self involved me. Maybe it's the Ritalin talking but people are seeming so very much like big thick multi-petalled roses that just continue to unfold. They're like fat perfumed roses covered in jewels and sunshine and raindrops and morning mist. You guys break my heart, in a good way.

{{{{{{{{{{{My Live Journal Friends}}}}}}}}}}}

One of these days I'm going to learn how to make that bigger and prettier with html. For now I'm glad to have finally learned how to do links and pictures, sigh.