March 21st, 2001


(no subject)

Hi Everyone, I had a really, really, long day. After I had my mammogram I asked the X-ray tech if I could see my film while I was waiting for the doctor. I thought it would be fun to see the inside of my breasts. What I didn't expect was that I would see a perfectly round black mass, that looked like it was about the size of a dime in my left breast, and a few smaller ones in the right. The next thing I knew I was waiting for an ultrasound of my breasts and a catscan, with the possibility of their needing to put a long thin needle into my breasts to aspirate any fluid in the lumps. I was sooo scared, but it turned out to be a cyst. God what a relief. I still had more tests to do for other things, but I was just incredibly relieved and grateful for all of this technology that allows us to catch things we could never have found with our hands. I'll tell you more about it later. I'm just too weary to go into it more now.

The following is a post I took offense to, on a stupid celebrity gossip board, and the letter I wrote back. I know it didn't merit the long response I gave it but it was good word practice.


Dear Mr. Jordan,

I'm "somebody fat" and I have a loving, wonderful man who "dates" me? So by your standards then, that would make him a toothless, loser, idiot, Jerry Springer guest? Why? Because he loves me a fat woman? How sad, and how prejudiced and closed minded you are to judge fat people and the people who love them. To say nothing of the Jerry Springer guests who, after your wee little rant here, I'm beginning to feel a little bit sorry for.

I was just reading these boards tonight to see what was going on. I'll admit it, I'm a sucker for celebrity gossip, and since AOL decided to try to lure me your way, with a promo for what purported to be an interesting read, I went ahead and clicked. I don't have anything against Janet Jackson, I've never met her and I only know one person who met her briefly, when she rushed in to her store, to purchase some beauty products. On the whole I wish her well, she's had a lot to contend with and I admire her success. Now I might have a word or two to say about that Queen of Pop thing, but I haven't said a word here. Nope, just reading. I didn't even take this fabulous opportunity to say anything about her brother the ahem, King of Pop, and I don't drive a Yugo, although why that would make me less of a person I don't know.

I'm fine with your telling people not to judge and pick on successful people who live their lives in the public spotlight, that's fair, but to slam people whose bodies are big is just ignorant and mean. I'm not fat because I'm lazy, or a slob, or because I eat more than other people around me do. I'm not a glutton. In fact I don't even eat meat, chicken or fish. I'm a vegetarian. I'm also one of those fat people who only losers seem to want to date.

I blame myself for this all the time. I think if I can just stop eating, or try this new diet, or that exercise plan I could be thin. I'm adopted, my adoptive parents were always athletic and very obsessed with looking good and keeping trim. My thyroid doesn't produce thyroxin so my whole metabolism is off. I was born with misaligned knees and that doesn't make exercising any easier. Aside from that I have polycystic ovarian syndrome which makes me insulin resistant, which is kind of like being diabetic. I crave carbohydrates and if I even just look at a doughnut it turns straight to fat. All my life people could eat twice what I ate and not gain a pound. Having a low thyroid makes you tired and depressed. Having arthritis makes it kind of hard to work out, so I walk and have sex with that boyfriend you were talking about. You remember him the no-friend-havin', microwave-cooking geek?

Why do you, who don't have these problems, get to judge me because I do? Does it make you feel better about yourself to put other people down? Can't you see that this is just another form of prejudice and hatred? It's easier to pick on fat people because everyone else does. Does that make it right? No, not any more than it makes it right for someone to judge you for the color of your skin or the sound of your voice or the way you write. It's just wrong, plain and simple.

There are a lot of people like me out there. I wonder if you have ever loved anyone who is fat. Are your parents both skinny? Do all of your brothers and sisters look like models? Do all of your aunts and uncles have washboard abs? How about your friends, everyone perfect and body beautiful? Do you only go out with skinny, emaciated, stick-thin women, because if so, man are you missing out. I'd rather eat like everyone else and be overweight than a starving bitchy woman with bad breath, so that someone like you would want to take me out. Please, I have better things to do with my time than waste it on people who are so brainwashed by advertising that they buy into this idealized, commercial image, that tells them who they can or can't love. How can you base a relationship on a dress size? That's Howard Stern territory but if having someone skinny to go out with is everything to you then go for it. Maybe you can get her a pair of breasts while you're at it, because seriously, how many ballerina-thin women have you seen bouncing up and down on their toes with a perfectly-liqui-sculpted, melon-shaped DD cup?

You know, I have to deal with this crap every day of my life. People are so mean. Hating or judging fat people is one of the last remaining acceptable forms of prejudices. It's time to abolish it. I have a really screwed up metabolism. What's your excuse? I don't have a snappy finish here. Normally I like to run circles around people like you who would say something so unkind, but I'm tired, this was a hard day, and I bet you didn't really mean to hurt me, or even anyone like me. You were just trying to tell people to be less hateful to someone they don't know. Unfortunately that's exactly what you're doing when you say something like this.