April 23rd, 2001


(no subject)

Okay so now would be a good time for me to take one of these pills that is supposed to help me sleep, then I could go to my room and read my new book until I get sleepy, but I don't want to. I'm sitting here playing with my son's Zyrofoam that he got for Easter and watching TV and playing around on Ebay.

Ya know, if I was acting, I'd probably be incredibly happy and grateful to be working, but I'd be wanting to have the free time to do just what I've been doing lately, putzing around, being at home with my son and the kitties.
When I'm not acting it's all I can think about. It's kind of like going to Europe; I want so badly to be there and when I'm there, I miss here.

Okay I have to segue here to say that despite the fact that Ally Sheedy was good in that film where she was a gay heroin addict photographer, she still has these really annoying mannerisms and is pretty bad here in this movie on Lifetime. I want her to be good, I root for other actors, I do, it's just well, oh God you know, I'm not even going to say it. I saw a documentary (I so love documentaries) earlier that this man had produced about his murdering child molesting grandfather and the horrible affect he'd had on so many people in his family. The best part of the whole film was the funeral they rolled the credits over. His very drunk daughters came and said angry honest things about him and talked about peeing on his grave. It was great. I also saw the tom Green movie earlier, I wanted so badly to like it but despite a few funny moments I couldn't help but wondering if he had some kind of trauma as a child and what must have happened with his parents for him to need to act out so badly. Rip Torn was wonderful as his father, he is so brave as an actor. I adore him. I'll see anything with him. he actually pulls his pants down and wiggles his bare ass saying, "You wanna fuck me, fuck me, fuck me" over and over. That takes serious courage.

I'm so tired of being fat. I'm tired of being weary and out of shape. I need to call this nutritionist but I'm afraid to. I promise I'll call her this week.

I took the rescue doggy for a long walk yesterday. She was really sweet. We found a stick, she carried it around and when she'd get tired and drop it, I'd carry it for her. I really like her, I just don't know how I'm going to handle having puppies here. We're so overwhelmed and the neighbors are so uptight about the slightest noise. I've never had a dog who had puppies and what if I'm as big of a wimp about giving them away as I am with the kittens, argh. I was trying to go down in dog numbers not up, and God only knows what kind of dogs they'll be. I think that's kind of the fun part, wondering who she had random runaway doggie sex with.

Scott and I had a fight. He was really nice about it and came and took me to the movies and then gave Beau's friend Shayan a ride home. I bought pastries and ate them for the weirdest reason, it was like I was trying to test this strange new sensation of not wanting them, or as some rebellion or force of habit. I ate this marzipan cream cake thing and then I felt sick. I wonder why I do some of the things I do.

I have so much work to do here at my house before the magazine editor and photographers come. I have to prune and plant and repath (how do you spell that?) my garden. I want to decoupage the blackboard with the roses I photographed and Xeroxed, and paint the black part green with blackboard paint, and get new lampshades. I want to hang more paper lanterns and repaint the bathroom and buy a dining room table and a couch and so much more. The ribbons on my organizer baskets need sprucing up. My cosmetics and toiletries need to be weeded out and made pretty, same with the perfume collection, etc. etc. It all seems so lame and petty and takes time and focus that I can't seem to find, argh. It also seems kind of fake. Like dressing a stage for a theatre or a set for a film. Sigh.

Someone broke into my neighbor's house today and there were police parked across the street when we came home. They think the culprits were friends of friends of their kids. Whoever it was they were incredibly stupid about it all, they tried on clothes and accidentally left some of theirs behind, they left fingerprints everywhere, they even dropped gift cards to Brooks Brothers in the street, where Beau found them and told me, so we gave them back of course.

Okay now this movie is starting to scare me.

I love my rats, I wish they could just run around and be free in here, I just worry they'll hide or eat cords or something. They ate through my first DSL cable and Chinchilla at my phone cords. Okay maybe I'm being too hard on Ally Sheedy, I've always associated her with Andrew McCarthy, they both have that facial tension mannerism thing, with Ally Sheedy it's the wiggle jaw and with Andrew M. it's something with his eyes.

Oh there's my Jake honking for me, I'd better try to get to bed, maybe I'll watch this funky movie in there. Beau's in my room though because he said there was something under his bed that grossed him out, shrug.


PS: Oh and someone on Ebay got offended when I wrote to her thanking her for sending me a close-up of something I was curious about that she was selling. She curtly told me to "take me of your list immediately"! All I could think was that she clicked on the kink to my journal that's at the bottom of my e-mail and took offense somehow. Hmmm, could it be the vintage nudes or how often I swear. I think I'll go find one just to show her.

Okay this just might be too scary for me to watch by myself at night just before bed.

(no subject)

Hey Everyone.

I loved this little dog, but I was worried about his being thirsty.

I'm getting so excited, i'm still working on transportation, not to the playa, but while we're there. Going for a mermaidy braided thing for my hair this year. I'm buying pouffy skirts, gotta sew some cool bras and wings.

This couple was so nice, they were getting ready for their wedding.

I wish a miracle would happen and it would turn out that we aren't going to be in the same spot as last year but back where we were the year before and that the weather would be beautiful. Did you guys like the new spot? I thought it had a different vibe.

I take so many pictures every year, I really have to get a site up. I keep putting these sort of temporary little places together and every year when I come back I swear I'll type in my journal entries from the playa and put up the pics. Maybe i'll get myself to do that before I leave this year. That'll be a good goal for me, like I don't have enough.

Love you,