June 7th, 2001

Chalkboard

(no subject)

I don't know if you guys have seen this before but I thought it was pretty funny. My friend Susan sent it to me.

A newly discovered chapter in the Book of Genesis has provided the answer to "Where do pets come from?"

Adam and Eve said, "Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us every day. Now, we do not see you anymore. We are lonesome and it is difficult for us to remember how much you love us."

And God said, "No problem! I will create a companion for you that will be with you forever and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourselves."

And God created a new animal to be companion for Adam and Eve. And it was a good animal. And God was pleased. And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve and he wagged his tail.

And Adam said, "Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal."

And God said, "Because I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG."

And Dog lived with Adam and Eve and was a companion to them and loved them. And they were comforted. And God was pleased. And Dog was content and wagged his tail.

After a while, it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord and said, "Lord, Adam and Eve have become filled with pride. They strut and preen like peacocks and they believe they are worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught them that they are loved...but perhaps too well."

And God said, "I will create for them a companion who will be with them forever and who will see them as they are. The companion will remind them of their limitations, so they will know that they are no always worthy of adoration."

And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam and Eve.

And Cat would not obey them. And when Adam and Eve gazed into Cat's eyes, they were reminded that they were not the supreme beings. And Adam and Eve learned humility.

And they were greatly improved.

And God was pleased.

And Dog was happy.

And Cat didn't give a shit one way or the other.
Chalkboard

(no subject)

What famous Oscar winning actor likes to urge himself on by saying his own name when he climaxes?

I just came by to share some celebrity gossip with you. Hmmm how can I do this without getting anyone in trouble? Damn. Well, let's just say that there's a certain celebrity that I had a recent dream about and subsequently purchased many of his older films. I was talking to a friend today whose brother is a very successful bla bla bla, he said that when Mr. X was working on his latest film, the most recently released one, he was having an affair with a famous actress, but unbeknownst to her, he was screwing a lot of other women at the same time. He's a major puss hound, I've heard this so many times from lots of people, so that's no surprise, but the funny story I heard today is that two different women who don't know each other, told my friend's brother, after having had very brief flings with Mr. X, that every time they had sex, right before and while he was cumming he liked to say, let's just pick the name Raymond here,"Go Raymond! Go Raymond! Go Raymond!" Gross! How self absorbed can you get? No wonder it didn't last with the famous actress. Can you imagine saying your own name when you climax. He must be a pig.
  • Current Mood
    amused amused