July 27th, 2001

Chalkboard

(no subject)

Oh shit! I just ate a pint of Haagen-Dazs (coffee). I haven't done that in so long. What's wrong? Was I hungry, angry, lonely, or tired? Hmmm. I don't really know. I managed to stop myself 3/4s of the way through. My mouth is frozen though, and considering a mean man at the gas station in Pismo beach, just told my son to, "tell your Mother to lay off the doughnuts", and topped that jewel of happiness off by doing a super sweet imitation of me, shoving fistfulls of food into my mouth, as he drove off, I would think Haagen-Dazs would be dead last on my list of desirable food items. Shit, shit, shit. It isn't sex. I just had really tender loving good sex. I think it's more like a kind of, feeling frightened, overwhelmed, helpless, and sad, now that I'm home sort of thing. Why is living so much work? When does it get sweet, placid, peaceful and serene?