October 31st, 2001


(no subject)

(This post is from 10-30-01 Live Journal was down for repairs)

Calming Children's Fears and Howard Stern Love Hate

Sunday night Beau came in to my room at around midnight. He had heard a plane flying low over our house and the vibrations had scared him. He came crying to me and poured out all his fears. He thought the plane was going to crash into our neighborhood like the planes that crashed into the World trade Center, The Pentagon, and in Pennsylvania. He thought maybe it would drop bombs on us.

Beau's friend Shayan, who is ten and in the fifth grade with Beau, is worried about his Mother. She works at the Westside Pavilion and is planning on going to work on Halloween. He wants her to call in sick. Even though I gave him something I found on the Internet saying the whole Halloween-Mall e-mail thing was a hoax, he's still scared. Frankly so am I.

My assistant/friend Esther's little six year old daughter Andrea has been refusing to go to school. When they force her to go she becomes hysterical. She wouldn't or couldn't explain until this morning when she finally said that the reason she has been afraid to go to school is that she thinks terrorists are going to come rape or kill her. She's only six years old! Where does she get these ideas? She is also afraid to go trick or treating this year. All she wants to do is put on her costume and stay in her house. Normally she comes here and we do this whole fun party thing. It just isn't like her to want to give up candy and fun like this.

Yesterday my friend Monique came over and we were sitting on the porch doing Halloweeny stuff and talking. In front of Beau she started talking about Atty. General Ashcroft saying that something scary may happen in the next three days and to be cautious. She told me that she probably won't go to the Halloween parade on Little Santa Monica Blvd., in boys town, near her house this year, because people are saying it isn't safe to be anywhere where large groups of people are gathering. We invited her to come here but she says she is afraid to drive.

Today Esther told me that she heard a German man was arrested in a Walmart, attempting to poison Halloween candy. God what is happening to our world? We have to get it together for the kids at least, stop watching so much news and talking with our friends or on the phone in front of them. Esther called the school psychologist and I think I may do so as well. I'm scared too, but I really need to focus on normalcy for my son's sake. Who knows what all of this is doing to their childhood's? I know that kids are pretty resilient but it can;t be good for them to be worried about dying every day. Yes, our world has changed, things may never be the same again, but for the sake of the kids at least we really have to get it together.

On a separate topic, last night I was flipping channels and saw Carney Wilson on Howard Stern. I stopped and watched it because I am interested in her surgery. Sometimes, I detest Howard Stern, I think he is a shallow, selfish misogynist, who typifies everything that is wrong with male culture these days. He reminds me of my ex. I think he is leading men astray and we are all suffering the fallout. I also think he is funny, a great showman, and I admire anyone who can become successful in entertainment.

I am totally split about this, on one hand, while I am iconoclastic and Wacqui, and love anyone who breaks the mold, and dares to do what others have been too afraid or rule bound to do, I think there are certain values and traditions that are worth keeping. I believe in relationships and family, and think being able to stay together, weathering change and turmoil, not taking the easy way out, only makes us grow and become deeper, better people.

Howard seems to espouse this kind of weird sexual entitlement for men. Women should be babes, forever young and hot bodied. Successful accomplished men should fuck these women, lots of them, and frequently. It's such a shallow immature boyish focus, and it really brings up my hurt and anger around men. I don;t understand why Carney would go on that show and let them comment on what she needs to do to be hot or not. It's so demeaning, it reminds me of those dating shows like Elimidate and Change of Heart.

Then there was the whole humiliating abusive thing he did with Stuttering John last night. What was that all about? Why did he have to be so abusive and cruel? So what if John gets a few perks off of the show. He's been an asset for Howard, he's been funny and obnoxious and daring and I'm sure he's increased Howard's visibility. Why shouldn't he make friends with a few stock broker's? Don't the other guys benefit similarly, doesn't Robin? Even if John's behavior has been out of line, then why humiliate him like that on television, how creepy and abusive is that? Yuck. Howard got so angry and I kept trying to think it was just a bit, but he seemed really evil, sometimes I wonder if he isn't the devil and he just can't help himself sometimes. I guess, perennial Catholic girl that I am, I will always be looking for the devil or the antichrist. it's just hard for me to be principled, sometimes Howard is funny and I'm bored so I watch or listen, but mostly it goes against my values, and I'm confused as to why I do.

Last night I think I was just lonely and trying to keep myself numbed out with television. I saw the end of Boston Public, and never understood whether the Mom and Son hand team were freaks or not, I missed the ending, anyone want to fill me in? Then I watched Ally McBeal, which I thought was so so, then I watched something else until eleven when I switched between Trauma in the ER and Howard, then a show about obstetrics and finally a program about cranial facial surgery. It was a pretty blood and guts kind of night, but interesting nevertheless.


(no subject)

I chose to put my cat Gelato to sleep. I'm soooo sad and angry about it. I think ti was the right thing to do but these decisions are so brutal, they're totally lose/lose as far as I'm concerned. She was so wonderful, smart, loving and special. I will miss her so much.

I love you Gelato, please be there in heaven waiting for me when I die so I can see you again. Please come visit me in my dreams and tell me I did the right thing and that you forgive me. I miss you so much already. I miss your voice and the way you grab at me with your paws. I miss your beautiful blue eyes. I hope you are in joy now that you are free of your body. Please come back and be with me again. I love you, I'm so so sorry! Goodbye my beloved Miss G.