November 17th, 2001

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I'm feeling cheerier. We're cleaning and going to go see Harry Potter at three.

I'm really frustrated with the Mother of one of Beau's friends. She's been driving me crazy for ages. All of the other Moms at school stay clear of her, but Beau loves her son, even though he makes up stories (I used to do this) and can be a real jerk sometimes. I've mentioned her to you before but just to refresh your memory. She's a single Mom who is really into how she looks, is always looking for free baby-sitting, rarely reciprocates, has a scary flash temper, is always suing people, is tough and has a super low empathy level, when I told her I was sad because our cats died, she said, well maybe that's a good thing. When my Father died last spring it didn't even show up on her radar. Whenever I tell her that I'm not feeling well, instead of asking why or being in any way sympathetic, she always one ups me, saying she's sick too, or sicker.

Last night she invited us to go with her to see Harry Potter. I don't want to spend any time with her at all because she scares me, probably because she reminds me so much of my Mother. You know, that domineering, insensitive, alcoholic, world revolves around me, personality type? She reminded me that I had promised to go see it with her, and I had, in a moment of weakness, months ago, when she cornered me into agreeing to see it with her when it came out. What could I say? Let's see, hmm, November, darn, I'm going to be busy that entire month, sorry.

The hard part of all of this for me is that I'm so damned sensitive. I always have to feel everything from both sides, and I feel badly when I hurt anyone's feelings or let them down. I'm so much better at setting boundaries and taking care of myself than I used to be, but still, I always look for the best in people, and she does have a cool background in spirituality, (she's a Lake Shrine Yogananda devotee), she has really pretty hair, she loves her son, (even though she yells at him and leaves him alone so much that she's been reported twice to child protective services) and she means well, in her own selfish, pushy way. I think like most people she is a product of her raising, but that doesn't mean I have to expose myself, and my limited amount of energy for socializing, to her hurtful, draining, personality style. I just hate to hurt anyone or let them down. It's not as simple as saying, "Well, Beau I don't like these guys, find another friend, with a less demanding parent," because they're close.

Oh well, I'm fine, I just wanted to get that off my luscious chest.
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These are animated gifs made by students in a digital design class at UCLA. I hope they don't screw up my journal, I just wanted to share them with you : )





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Hark I hear the voice of my long lost sexuality calling, "where is that man, I need him right now!" Can it be I'm feeling desire?

Sometimes when I'm sitting in my Mother's car, and someone accidentally hits the warm seat button, I get confused and think I'm suddenly feeling horny. It's incredibly disconcerting, considering the setting, and I'm always relieved when I realize it's just the heat seat function.