November 27th, 2001

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Things I wish I could afford to buy on eBay.







I love end of day Bakelite bangles like these.


Oh man I wish I could afford this, a bakelite jar of bees. Although I think I like the blackberry bakelite pin more.


Oh look here's another one, this one has fish. Huh, I just learned about another designer, Shultz.


I'm so tired, this was such a long day. I should go to sleep. I miss my Scott, I wish he would come over here right now and make love with me : ( I think I've retrieved my sex drive from it's long sleep in the cavern of too much estrogen. I've switched BC pills and I'm feeling better, although I've had massive shopping cravings all of a sudden, and my itchy shopaholic nature had kind of drifted off with my sexuality. Now they're back and they're hungry. What the hell?
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Relocating My Wild Outdoor Ratties Without Harming Them and the Little Moth Who Landed on my Veggie Burger

Oh yeay, I found two companies who will trap and release the rats without harming them. Of course I don't trust anyone, I'm afraid they'll just say, "Oh yeah we'll just take this little rattie to a nice place and let him go fer ya," and then clobber him when they leave. I only called the ads that say live trapping or ecological solutions.

Apparently there are a lot of softies like me who don't want to have the poor little furry guys killed. I have to move them though because the dogs are going after them and Noemi is terrified. A rat bit her on her face when she was a little girl, back home in Belize, and she is terrified of them. So the fact that every time she takes out the trash or goes anywhere outside at night, she sees one leaping away, is enough to have her freaking out, pretty much. Anyway this one company I spoke with assured me, (I made the little Irish lady who answered the phone say "I swear to God he won't kill them" ) that they do this kind of thing all the time.

I'm so frigging empathic that last night when a little tiny moth landed on my veggie burger at Norms and got his wing stuck in the ketchup, I spent the rest of the night trying to save him and help him fly again, argh. First I had to get him unstuck from the bun without hurting him. Then his wing was sticky with sauce so I had to figure out how to wash it off without drowning him, or washing the powder I hear they have, off. Then I had to transfer him to a clean napkin and blow on him forever to try to dry the wing. But of course it dried in this freaky way and all he could do was just flap around in a circle. I took him with me to the car when we left and left him in there because I thought at least it would be warm and no ants would come and carry him away while he was still alive, but I'm afraid he didn't make it. It's hell being this sensitive.

My friend Susan thinks this kind of sensitivity comes from suffering or being in acute pain as a child so you develop and understanding of the suffering of others. I don't know, I think it's a gift that goes hand in hand with creativity and artistic expression. I think being able to feel deeply and then express that feeling in some creative way is at the heart of the very best art. The problem for me is being able to live in what can sometimes be a very cruel world and stay functional in order to be able to channel all of this feeling into something positive. For me that's acting or creating visual imagery or poetry.

Okay well off to the eBay grind. I'm so grateful it's there. I even had a dream about it last night.
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I am so afraid of Dr. Phil. He is just so paternal and scary. I keep watching because I love Oprah and I think he means well, but he scares me nevertheless.
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I've been interested in Forbidden City, the Chinese American nightclub in San Francisco, that was like the Chinese version of Harlem's Cotton Club, for a while now. I'd been harboring a secret desire to put a site together using the name forbiddencity.com, but of course it's taken. I'm such an Aries. How does ana do it? Have the inspiration and the ideas and then see them through. Argh frustration and lack of energy make my grumpy and a little sad.

There was a documentary made about the nightclub and I'm digging around looking for a copy to buy but so far I've only found one for $245.00, what?

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I would so love to have this man's resume. I love documentaries, but acting kept me away from directing and now I feel so old to go back to square one. I worked as an intern on a documentary about the Dalai Llama, years and years ago, but that's about it as far as my experience goes, unless you count the years I spent producing cable access programs. Lots of wild and wooly experience, but not too much respect : )
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I have a set of Kennedy postcards for sale right now on eBay. I was just looking at some of the other Kennedy related things that people are bidding on and came across this amazing Christmas card that was the last one Robert Kennedy and his family sent out before he died. It's so sweet and fun and cool 60's-ish. It just makes me yearn for that other road we could have taken had things not turned out so tragically. But then again I try really hard to believe that everything happens for a purpose, even terrible tragedies like this. Anyway I just wanted to sahre it with you, even though it might be a bit wide for some of your layouts. If there's a problem you can always take me off your friend list and then add my right back on and that should fix it.



Just imagine how different things could have been.



"...Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe to assure the survival and the success of liberty..."
President John F. Kennedy - January 20, 1961