December 7th, 2001


(no subject)

Mom and Her Secretary Gang Up On Me and Convince Me We're Poor, Beau and Noemi Have a Fight and She Quits, Mom's Secretary Calls Drunk and Tells Me Her Daughter is Going to Come Over to Paint Things I Don't Need Painted.

This was a fucked up day from hell.

First it was pile on Jacqui at Mom's house, with my Mother's flustered, depressed, secretary lecturing me, while simultaneously reeking of smoke and telling me that she needs to take antidepressants and that if it weren't for her kids and her new car she would have killed herself by driving off Mulholland. While this was going on, my Mother, who it breaks my heart to say, is getting more and more out of it, agitated, disconnected, and deaf, was saying, (over and over again), "I can't hear anything that's going on, you're all talking too fast. Hunh, what are you saying over there?" Then she would occasionally jump in and berate me for something, tell me how I'm dragging her down, spending too much money, she's sick of all of my animals, I have to get rid of them, if they get sick, well, then just put them to sleep, etc., etc. She told me that my Father who just died, (well to me it feels like just, and whose birthday card to me, one that he gave me when I was nineteen, is sitting here on my desk, because when I found it yesterday, I was afraid I couldn't handle reading it), never wanted to leave me anything in his will, and that she had to talk him in to it, but that she's sorry she did it because now she has less income.

Then Tina, the secretary, would say, "What a complete waste of your money, you might as well take it out in the driveway and burn it. All you want is instant gratification, it's worthless, blah blah blah," and then Mother would jump in with, "listen to her, she works for a living." Never mind that I worked for years and years, managed tons of money, had lots of people who worked for me. I'm not working now, even though I have inheritance and they are managing it for me, I'm a useless nothing and should listen to Mom's secretary, the mother of two crack addicts who can;t find work, yup she knows all about raising kids, and is in a perfect position to lecture me.

It was so much worse than I can describe here, I'm sure I come off as this spoiled ungrateful little brat but this was just insanity, not a normal conversation about money between adults. This was chaos, and stress, and shaming, and just total insanity. No logic, just panic, and fear, and blame. Finally after everything was supposedly resolved my Mother handed me this paper and told me to go get it notarized. It was a paper quit claiming my building, the only thing in this world, aside form my car, that I own outright, back to my Mother. I looked at her and said, "Why would I do something like this?" And she said, "Because you've proven that you can't handle money, you put a loan on it for God's sake, a loan, don't you know anything?"

Anyway she wanted me to give the building back to her so she could get the income I get from it, and control that as well. No way!! I'm not that fucking stupid. Then later she told me to "Get the hell out," because I gave her a headache. I was so upset and freaked out by all of this that I wound up doubling all of my medications and getting so sick I had to just sit in my car and wait for it to wear off because I couldn't drive safely.

Then joy of joys I come home and the first thing that happens is Beau greets me at the intercom with, "Mom, Noemi was mean to me, she told me I couldn't talk to Shayan and she hung up on him, blah blah blah." And later Noemi, who I totally depend on, came in my room and said, "I would like to talk to you after dinner." And I said, "Are you quitting?" And she said, "Yes." Then I asked if it was because of Beau, and she said yes. Then we had a lovely discussion about what a jerk my son is, how he doesn't have any respect for her, how he insulted her, and she has a limit to how much she can take, and that she has her pride and dignity.

I'm sure you guys know what a mushy empathy being I am, so please don't think it's ever okay with me for anyone to be rude to an assistant or someone who works for you. But there are two sides to this, yes Beau behaved poorly, yes he can be challenging, but Noemi comes from a very conservative, ultra-Christian, British background, and she thinks that kids should march in lock step. She has a low threshold for any kind of conflict, she overpersonalizes things, is waaaaayyyy too emotional, and can't let anything roll off her back, when it comes to kids. I know she cares about him and means well, but she is just way too closed minded and judgmental. Esther has asked her to take it easy on him. Even her own sister in law said she's terrible with kids. And she just doesn't have the kind of energy a job this demanding needs, she is way too slow, and the house is a mess. So I know this is all for the best, but I'm really, really, sad, and I'm scared. She's been good to us, and I get really close to the people who work for me. They become like sisters and it's just such a huge loss. When I was about to lose my things that were in the pawn shop, she loaned me three times as much as any of my friends did, so I could renew my loans. Plus I trust her, she's ethical and moral and would never steal anything or lie to me. So basically she's a tough little ball of girl and I love her and I'm really hurting right now over the prospect of losing her.

Then to cap it all off, my Mother's secretary, who just this morning told me, not to keep asking my Mother for money, calls drunk and rambles on and on about all kinds of painful uncomfortable things, told me how much she likes herself, "I think I'm fabulous, your Mother is lucky to have me, yes Rosa feeds me and now I'm doing my laundry over there but I really like myself, hic, hic," and then tells me that her daughter doesn't have a job, needs money, and she asked my Mother if she would pay her to come work for me. What? Isn't that just a wee bit confusing and crazy making? I have people who I care about who are dependent on me, who my Mother won't pay to help me when I need help, but she will pay her secretary's daughter...I just can't cope with it anymore. It's all just too fucking much for me.

Should I take my nightly dose of pills even though I doubled up on them earlier? Should I run over to Scott's and cry on his shoulder or would he be too stoned if he isn't sleeping? Should I tell my Mom that her secretary called drunk and that they make me crazy? Where will I find money for Christmas presents? How am I going to afford to pay for Esther and her kids and Saida, who worked here last weekend when my Mother told her to show up at her house, but then told her it was a mistake? How am I going to pay Hugo who put away the Halloween decorations and took down the Christmas ones? Where will the money for a Christmas tree come from? Will my son grow up to be a hurtful monster? Will I find anyone who would want to work here cleaning up after fifty cats, three dogs, three ferrets, a chinchilla, and eight rats? Will Beau's father ever grow up and act like a real Dad? What the fuck am I going to do????
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(no subject)

My Mother's Housekeeper Is Evil

I want this little Steiff snowman sooo badly : ( I always want stuff, it's only my petty materialism rearing it's ugly head, just ignore it, it'll go away if you don't feed it.

Still feeling sad, I haven't been up to reading people's journals or even comments in my own. I'll be fine, everything happens for a divine reason.

Hey I loved Art Bell last night. He had this wonderful woman on who talked about her life after death experience, those are always my favorite, not the spooky, demony ones.

My Mother's creepy greedy nasty housekeeper Rosa is up to her old tricks again. She doesn't like the sweet woman who works on the weekends. We've all known this for a while but my Mother is totally blind to her machinations and trickery. I reallllly dislike this woman, really, really, really. She's gross. I have so many stories, she's pushed out everyone else who has ever worked for Mom. She's a liar, she tries to turn my Mother against me.

Anyway a couple of weeks ago, the woman who works on the weekends, Carla, couldn't work so I arranged for Mom to hire a friend of mine who is super poor right now. She doesn't have money to buy her son shoes, that kind of poor. Her name is Saida. She's a really good woman, an incredibly hard worker. So two weeks ago Saida showed up to stay with Mom for the weekend for two hundred dollars. She brought her son Freddy, who is Beau's friend. He's also nice and totally willing to help.

Rosa showed them what to do, she said, "Don't clean anything, just look after Mrs. Hyland. Don;t worry about any of this mess, there's really nothing to do here, it's so boring and easy, you'll see." She probably did this so Saida wouldn't show her up and make her look bad. Anyway Saida worked her heart out, cleaned all of these gross, hard to clean things that Rosa won't bother with. Shower scum, toilets, things Mom misses because she's too elderly to notice. They worked and worked all weekend getting stuff done, and when Rosa came back on Monday instead of being mad that Saida made her look bad, I guess she was secretly thrilled because now she won't have to do any of that stuff anymore. So she told Saida that Mother is so thrilled with her that she's hiring her permanently, she totally took this upon herself to do, without asking Mom. I don't know why Rosa doesn't like poor Carla, but Carla needs the job too, she's poor and struggling and has a little girl to support and Mom loves her.

Cut to this past weekend. Saida called twice to confirm all of this with Rosa and was overjoyed that she'd found a permanent weekend job so she showed up at Mom's. Then apparently Rosa called Carla and told her not to come to work. Carla said she was coming anyway and showed up. Carla and Saida ran into each other in the kitchen and didn't understand what was going on at all. Mom told Saida to go home. Saida came crying to me. I gave her work for the weekend when I can't afford it, and Rosa denied everything on Monday. Carla said, oh this is nothing new, she's always doing this to me, she tried to do this to me a few weeks ago. I hate Rosa, she really scares me. I'll tell Mom but it won't do any good because she is utterly dependent on her. If it came down to Rosa or me, I think my Mom would choose Rosa.

When we stayed with Mom for Thanksgiving in Palm Springs, Rosa made it very clear to me how she feels about our being there, she refused to do any cleaning or picking up after us. She makes Mom's beds and cleans her room and does the beds and rooms of any of her guests, but my room and Beau's room, she refuses to touch. When they left, they left three days earlier than we did so I asked her to leave the food in the refrigerator so we would have something to eat. I told her to leave the food, my Mom told her to leave the food, but in the end she took what she wanted, the Thanksgiving leftovers, obviously so she could take them home to her family. I'm sorry to be so petty but I just really hate this woman. Ooooooooommmmmmmm........ That's the sound of me meditating over this.

(no subject)

Yeay look what I got, little miniature bottle brush Christmas trees. I just love these for some reason. I've been collecting them for years. I like to make little mini forests around the house. It's kind of hard to do now though with all the kitties so we have to limit our holiday decorating to rooms where they can't go, like the library, Beaus room, and my office.

We bought our tree tonight. I went through the usual tree guilt, and semi-overcame it with the usual justifications.
Beau picked out ours and the tree for my Mother. He's so cute when he throws his arms around the tree and says, "This one this one!"

Esther came today, (she works the weekends) and told me not to feel too bad about Noemi (but of course I still do) because she thinks Noemi treats Beau differently than she treats me. She thinks she's more attached to me and therefore nicer than she is with Beau to whom she is more harsh and judgmental. I know she cares about him though, I think she just has a more rigid philosophy about raising kids and wants him to do what she tells him to do without discussion or complaint, but that's unrealistic and I have to think of Beau and his happiness first. I know Noemi is the one who made the decision to leave but I still feel badly for her and am worrying about how she is feeling this weekend. I can't stand thinking she's at home crying. I feel badly for Noemi and for the cats and for myself. I'll miss her so much : (

Esther told me that when Beau comes home from school and calls out saying, "Hello, I'm home, Noemi, I'm hungry," that Noemi ignores him and doesn't answer him. He looks for her from room to room until he finds her and then she reluctantly makes him something. I don't know if this is completely true, there are always two sides to every story, and I want to be fair, but I guess the universe is taking care of us, and that there is a rightness to things. I'm just sad about it.

Oh and the receptionist at Scott's office got fired. That's so sad, right before Christmas and the holidays. I think she is a young single Mom and has no one else to look after her little boy when he gets sick and has to be sent home from school, so they got really upset when she left a couple of times. Scott told me they had worked it out and that they were going to keep her but then they suddenly fired her without letting anyone know it was coming, poor thing. I may be paranoid but I'm really wondering if her being African-American had anything to do with it. I hope Scott tells me I'm being completely off the wall here but I'm sort of feeling this instinctively.

Well, we're going to watch Pearl Harbor on tape tonight. I saw it in the theatres but Beau was too scared to, and said he wanted me to rent it. Today seemed like the perfect day for it, considering it's the sixtieth anniversary.

Okay, well, I love you guys, I'm wondering how all of you are, I'll get caught up this weekend. Jen aren't you glad I told you about Live Journal : ) ?

Hugs from your pal,