January 10th, 2002

Chalkboard

(no subject)



Hi Gang,

I'm up late, listening to Art Bell and working on my eBay auctions. It was such a huge relief to get this application for Beau out of the way. I swear I felt like I was rushing a sorority or applying for college and this was only for sixth grade. It was a relief to see the other parents coming in and dropping off their applications, they all looked pretty panicked and stressed about it, which was a relief in a way. I thought I was having some kind of delayed post traumatic stress reaction to sorority rush or something like that.

I was also wondering what it said about me as an actor if I were getting this stressed out over something so similar to auditioning. It's just that this is for Beau and I guess it's relatively normal for parents to panick over this kind of thing. Yuck, and to think I get to go through all of this again in a week or so when I apply to New Roads and any other schools that I can find. I know I've said this before but I do believe that things work out as they are meant to. I just don't know how to try to do something without my competitive sprinter mindset taking over. I think I'm such a perfectionist, so demanding of myself that I'd rather do nothing than try and fail. Oh well, more stuff to work through, that's what therapy's for.

Art Bell's guest is inviting aliens to contact him, and the rats are nibbling on their bisquits behind me. I can hear a cat snoring on the other side of the door.

Night night,
Jacqui
Chalkboard

(no subject)



I love this picture but the auction just ended so grab it while you can : ) I was too shy to put it up last night, probably because I knew this article was coming out. I worry my Mother will somehow get online and be upset. Or that one of her friends will tell her that I have NAKED people on my journal. I so have to grow up and be brave enough to be myself. Maybe this will bring me closer to a merging of my private and public selves. We'll see.

Goodnight everyone,
Jac