March 1st, 2002


(no subject)

Oh man I feel so stoney right now, I took a Sonata to help me sleep, but then I got up and came back here. Weird day, weird couple of days, so much rushing and doing, and a great part of it being computer related.

I hope the kittens won't wake up Beau. They're playing pretty madly.

I don't want to do Beau's homework for him. I know I'm enabling him and that it isn't a good thing but I feel stuck. I'm going to have to get him some terrific tutoring to bring him up to speed by next Fall.

Freaky people scare me. I just want to be peaceful and happy. So much to do, so so much, how do people keep up with it and stay happy and sane and still find time to eat well and exercise. Yoga? When am I going to do that? Sigh.

The stomach stapling surgeon at UCLA has finally deigned to give me an appointment in June, which means I could possibly have this operation in July and be much thinner by Christmas. The whole thing, the thought of it, all of it, scares me, but the alternative is only slightly less frightening, but more bleak.

I feel so bad for Beau who has been pretty miserable in school for a long time. I want him to be somewhere where he will feel cared for and loved, where he will be inspired to want to learn. I looooove learning, but I had to get away from school before I could learn this about myself. I hate this one teacher he has, so much, that I want to march in to the school, go to the principal and say her name, only that by way of indictment, then grab Beau by the arm and take him out of there for good.

The thing with this teacher is that she seems so put together and perfect. She's pretty, well spoken, came from a private school, (I wonder why) and knows all the right things to say, oh and when she's wrong she has slippery little ways of turning it around on the kids and the parents. She is a totally driven A+++ personality type stress monster.

My ex, Robby, called today and said that he wanted Beau to come spend the night at his house this Friday. I'm glad that he wants to see him, and that he's willing to take him for a longer span of time, but at the same time I feel a bit threatened. I asked Beau if he wanted to go and he said that he was too afraid of the neighborhood to want to spend the night and that his Dad is too strict with him. Blah.

Art Bell has a guest on who is talking about Billy Meyer and The Pleiades.

Oh and I rudely neglected to mention that a dear old friend from high school found me through the article in The LA Times and then contacted me via my journal. I'm so happy, she's just so sweet and smart and funny. We were talking on the phone the other day when Beau came into the room crying, there had been a ring at the door, and it was the cat mortuary. Beau came in to the office carrying the ashes of three of our departed cat pals. Maria felt sorry for him and when I mentioned that he has been interested in Magic Cards she instantly offered to give him her entire collection, GIVE it to him, and came over within a half hour. Kindness like that amazes me. He's so thrilled with them, it really lifted up his wilted little heart.

Excuse me but I just heard a reporter on the radio say, "The United States has set up a shadow government in an underground bunker outside of Washington. About seventy members of all the different branches of the government are working there," What? Shadow Government. That just doesn't sound right.

Wow I just spell checked this and only had one misspelling, hunh, who knew that I could still write while hallucinating. I thought there was a tiger on the ceiling in my room earlier. Not a real tiger but I could see this unusual shape that just wasn't making sense.

Do any of you really believe in channeling? Do you think we're due for an earthquake and if so, when?

This is what I see first thing in the morning every morning. This is my bathroom floor.