March 20th, 2002

Chalkboard

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A little Madness in the Spring
Is wholesome even for the King.
Emily Dickinson


Give me the splendid silent sun with all his beams full-dazzling.
Walt Whitman
Leaves of Grass

My Mother taught me this one, and I say it to myself every year.

Sweet April showers
Do spring May flowers.
Thomas Tusser
Chalkboard

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Oooh sounds like Robert Blake is about to get busted, although I've heard that before. I've been having some computer problems. I'm up early because the cats were running all over me and keeping me up. I'll go back to sleep soon, I just want to do some research on line, and try to get a few things done.

This is a pretty exciting time, I adore the Academy Awards and that's coming up this weekend. Beau gets out of school Friday, so we won't have to deal with his mean, mean, mean teacher for a whole week, yeay. Then next week we get to go to Cabo and we'll be lying in the sun and swimming in the ocean. Then it's my birthday and Easter. I'm trying so hard not to let my Mother's money panic, and constant worrying, pollute everything for me. It's hard because I'm so damned enmeshed, and care about her so much. I can't stand it when she's upset. You know, this may seem cynical but it's just occurred to me that since she's never supported my going on any trip without her, that maybe she's acting out and behaving like this because she can't stand to be out of control. If I can frame it like that and not think the sky is going to fall every time she gets panicked like this, then maybe I can get some recovery around this. It's really hard for me to differentiate between what is real and what is unreal when it comes to Mom and money. Plus she always gets like this around tax time. I'm just so worried something will go wrong and we won't be able to take this trip.