April 4th, 2002

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Many a night I saw the Pleiades,
rising thro' the mellow shade,
Glitter like a swarm of fire flies
tangled in a silver braid.

Locksley Hall, Alfred Lord Tennyson
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What I Ate Today and Once a Catholic Always a Catholic

I had lunch at the Farmer's Market with Mom and her housekeeper Rosa today. Mom brought Rosa to push her wheelchair and said that it was because she didn't want to ask me to do it. I felt bad because I remembered complaining about it yesterday when the truth is that I don't really mind at all pushing her in her wheelchair. There but for the grace of God go I, absolutely. I just have a hard time with being with my Mother sometimes, even though I do love her very much.

We actually had a pretty nice time. Mom and Rosa were both terrific, neither one was in a bad mood, and we had fun picking out different things to eat. Mom had crab and cucumber salad, Rosa had a turkey sandwich, and I had a Swiss cheese, tomato and onion crepe. When we were done with all of that Mom wanted me to try some cheese so I went to this little deli stand and bought three different types of cheese, some olive spread, and crackers, and we ate that. Then we all shared a Crepe Suzette. We were so full, and all three of us want to lose weight, but it was fun.

After we ate we walked across the street to the shopping area that's called The Grove. It's cute with a two story trolley car and a dancing fountain. Mom was really nice about looking in the stores and oddly enough she was the one who wanted to go shopping. I bought a copy of The Nanny Diaries and sat and read while Rosa and Mom walked around. Later we went to the bank and I showed Mom pictures from our trip to Cabo. On the way home I listened to John and Ken tear into Cardinal Mahoney on the radio. I felt torn between feeling really awful for anyone molested by a priest and protective of the church at the same time.

I found a great home schooling site and have been printing out cursive practice sheets for Beau to work with. I wrote an e-mail to the woman who created it, thanking her for the great work she did.

I had spinach souffle, vegetarian chili pie, strawberries, and punch for dinner.

Awww Beau just brought me a chocolate rose that he had put in the freezer. What a big food day.
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People Who Are Hurting and La Llorona

One of my friends is sad. It's weird because I hardly ever talk to him and I wonder if he even knows that I love and care about him from afar. I wonder if he even knows that I consider him to be my friend. Anyway I'm sad that he's sad and what's more complicated is that I think he's sad because another one of my friends has opted out of having any kind of friendship obligations to him. I think I can see everyone's point of view without even being certain that I'm correct in my guessing.

I hate for people to be hurting and sad. I'm really sad and upset about what's going on in the Middle East but I also feel totally impotent, far away, and helpless. I don't know what to believe, who to support and trust. I can't stand how people seem to be breaking down along racial and religious lines on this. When we were in Mexico Scott and I were having our sort of pre dinner cocktail hour, at our special club, we were sitting across from this nice couple we had befriended, a doctor and his wife, and somehow we started talking about the Israelis and the Palestinians, and because they thought we were both Catholic, because I had been talking about where I had gone to school, the husband just let forth with this whole thing about how Israel should be given back to the Arabs. He thought we should demand that Mexico give us Baja in exchange for forgiving their debts to us, then have the Israelis move there and bla bla bla. It was this whole anti-Israel diatribey kind of thing, and it was painful to be there and to be feeling something totally different and know that the only reason they felt free to talk about this was because they thought that Scott was "one of us." It was weirdly painful somehow.

I am going to go cuddle with my cats and watch TV. I wish my Scotti was here to read to me from our book. We've been so happy reading to each other. He's had so many hits on his MP3 site but no one writes and tells him that they like his music. I hate that. I think his songs are beautiful. We listened to his whole album together last night, it was great. Of course I don't think anyone has produced him as well as he sounds acoustically, but he likes it so that's all that matters.

I have three little rubber lizards that I painted and glittered that sit on my keyboard. They're super tiny and they never stay put. I wonder if they come alive when I leave the room because I find them in different places around my desk and I didn't move them.

Today I wondered if the Farmer's Market has any ghost stories. It was built in 1934. I think older places have energy shadows that play out in them. I think ghosts are fascinating but I am afraid of them. Rosa believes in Cucuy and Il Cipitillo and La llorona and mermaids. If you mention La Llorona to her she gets buggy eyed and freaks out. She's really afraid of her. I just wonder how there can be this one super sad spirit who wanders around all of these Latin river banks, wailing and luring men to their deaths. She's kind of like Santa Claus, in way too many places all at once. maybe she has little La Llorona helpers. Have you seen the milk commercial she's in, pretty famous legend to warrant her own Got Milk ad.