May 15th, 2002

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Oh what a night, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la... The thing with sexuality, intimacy, and me (hey that might make a good title) is that once I get there I don't want to stop. I want to stay in that comfortable loving place and I want more and more. It's like being awakened, but the nature of our relationship, with Scott working so much, and needing as much alone time as possible, makes it all too artificial and weird for me, too start and stop, and it really throws me off. Then I have to scale the intimacy mountain again, and it's hard for me. I've never been someone who could just jump into sex without being in love, without feeling close and safe and warm, and it's hard to get there when everything is so well, halting. Maybe not for most people, but for me it is. I tried casual sex a couple of times and it was so cold and creepy, not for me, nope.

Weird, weird dreams about sex, marriage, Renee Zelwegger, horses, Palm Springs, a motor home, and sexual identity switching. There were even some aliens who came along and felt sorry for me because I was marrying someone I was going to have to divorce in a few days, so they fixed everything so that we were married, happy, totally hot for each other, and living in an alternate universe with a child. The only thing was that they'd made a mistake and put me in my lover/husband's body and put him in mine. We were confused about who had the cock and who had the vagina.

Too much closeness, well can I ever really have to much closeness, with my beloved Scott Monkey, has given me his throat cold thang, and going off the pill has brought my old pal and companion, Senorita Acne, back. Bleee. Not nice, no, not nice at all.

I promised Beau and Freddy that I would take them to buy the Playstation version of Dance Dance, and infinite number of the word Dance, Revolution, so I'm sneaking some time here to write to you.

I'm worried about Myanmar. I mean I know her time is seriously limited but she's gotten so thin and she's meowing. I can't tell if she's just complaining a bit or if she should be put to sleep. Put to sleep, I hate that expression. It's such a hellish torturous decision, from which no outcome seems to be the right one. Wait too long and you've prolonged their suffering so you could hang on to your dear friend for selfish reasons. Do it too early and you're a murderer who snuffed out a precious life because you couldn't handle watching your friend decline. It's a decision that is always horrible and awful to make. I'm opting for the lesser of two evils and waiting until our doctor can come tomorrow. She's still eating, but only because we're giving her appetite stimulants. Fuck fuck fuck.

I really just came to share this pretty enameled and rhinestone hibiscus flower with you, a silly thing I wanted to buy that costs way too much money, so I didn't. I love Jay Strongwater frames and objects, but they are insanely overpriced and it makes me angry. At least I have the picture and can share it with you. This little jewelled flower went for $275.00. I put the picture behind the Live Journal cut tag because I know how much you guys hate it when the screen gets too wide.Collapse )
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Wow I just sat down at the computer and thought I'd check to see if there were any granny dresses for sale, and there were THREE, yeay! The first two are pretty great but the third one is a little, yeee, what was she thinking? These are not the greatest pictures by any stretch of the imagination.











Okay, now I'm going to see if there are any of my Mom's dresses floating around.

Oooh look, it's my lucky day. Here's one of Mom's. I'm starting to get to know them. Funny, they stopped manufacturing when I was about seven or eight years old so I don't remember much about their businesses. I remember going to their factories and seeing all of the women sewing. I remember my Mother and her patternmaker drawing up ideas for dresses in our living room. But I don't remember the dresses because I guess I never saw them. Now I kind of have a feel for them. On this blue one I recognize that little self banding around the waist and the trim around the sleeves and at the collar.

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I found some places that sell Jay Strongwater online and was just looking around when I found this enamel and rhinestone encrusted hibiscus. I so wanted this pretty flower. Oh well, better to help a pal, or save for a rainy day.

Some of the pieces are sooo pretty but they are so outrageously expensive. I remember reading about a party that someone industry connected threw for a whole bunch of gals who lunch. Women like Kate Capshaw, Rita Wilson, et al. The tables were covered with candles, moss, ivy, flowers, and vines, to set off all of the Jay Strongwater frames, boxes, and little flowers and candles. I just don't understand where people find the money to afford these kinds of things and I'm a little jealous. I want to have enough disposable income to just buy a $1,200.00 frame for my Mom for her birthday, or a five hundred dollar jewelled flower to put on a shelf somewhere.



I did buy this Isabella Fiore purse though, put it on a credit card that I won't have for much longer. It's much prettier in person, it's black lace with crystals and beads over a clear plastic background. I bought some makeup too and some things for a friend. I haven't done that in a while. It was so much girly fun, walking around the jewelry, makeup, perfume and handbag sections of Nordstroms.