August 20th, 2002

Chalkboard

Mundane and Grubby Earthly Things and a Couple of Cool Spiritual Things


I relate so much to Shag's cute little space kitty. I feel like this is me, kitty like and spacey. That's probably why I like it. It's also super cute.

Today was going to be the first day in a long string of intense ones where I could just get up and live my own life for half of the day, before going in and taking care of mommy late this afternoon. Of course I still have her calls to make and I want to check in on her. But so far everything is just as goofy and out of control as always. Mom got into a fight with her new sweetheart of a roommate, the one I told you about last night. Man I wanna smack this woman. Rosa, Mom's difficult housekeeper, came by the hospital and got into a fight with Mom's cool Jamaican nurse Gloria. God they're all like a bunch of desperate little children scrabbling for territory. To make matters worse Beau's friend Steven is here and it looks like he's got stomach flu. I can't reach his Mom for another hour and he won't take anything for it. He doesn't like Pepto Bismol or anything else. He said, "I'm burning up," probably because his Mom says this, but he really isn't. I put him to bed in Beau's room with the lights off and the windows open. I don't really know what else to do for the little guy. I hope his Mom calls soon.

We need to get on top of this room move switch business thing because Beau's school will be starting soon and I want to have everything nice and comfortable for him before he starts. Everything is such a hassle though, our phones are messed up and I need to get DSL installed in the other room that I will be moving my office to, but get this, Verizon says they've never heard of me, and they can't install DSL in a home that doesn't have an account with them. Doesn't have an account with them? What??? Well, uh, I guess I don't have to pay this MONTHLY BILL THAT'S SO FUCKING HIGH THEN DO I???? I guess I'm just imagining that I'm using DSL to access the Internet right now. God, why is life so weird and complicated sometimes?

You know my friend/assistant Esther? I don't know if you remember her story about seeing her dead father calling to her to come down out of a high tree when she was a little girl or not, but she just told me something else that I thought was interesting. We were talking about smells and things and she said that she often wakes up to the smell of cigar smoke. Everyone teases her about it because she'll be only about half awake and ask her kids who's smoking. Remembering the stories about her father's spirit coming to check on all of his kids, I asked her if he ever smoked cigars, she kind of startled then blinked as it hit her that yes he did, he always smoked little cigars.

Jani is using a technique she learned somewhere to try to help heal my Mom. She brings her hands together in a way that reminds me of that little children's game, (here's the church and here's the steeple open the doors and see all the people), and forms a triangle over her third eye. Then in her mind she fills the triangle with a beautiful bright green light and then sends it to whomever is needing it. In this case my Mom. For an uptight sixty-eight year old I'm beginning to think she's pretty cool.

And my lovely shag stickers arrived today. Green tikis, hula surfer gals, and black cats from outer space. I'm going to plaster the back of my car with them, in a tasteful tacky tiki lounge sort of way.

Oh and that period I never had, well I still haven't had it. I'm taking your kind advice though and thinking maybe it's just that my hormones need to settle down from having been on the pill. Sort of like after you've been pregnant and you're breastfeeding and don't get your period for a while. I don't know, I sure wouldn't mind a visit from my little red friend. Did I just lose half of my audience with that one?

Guess Steven's feeling better I can hear the kids screaming from the other bedroom. Off I go to check.

Love you guys,
Wacqui Wu



PS: Just read four books on adopting toddler daughters from China. Some day soon I hope, will have to receive approval from the Scott Partner Monkey though : )

PPS: I must be really tired because there was a lotta spell checkin' that needed to be done in this entry, beastfeeding sounded pretty funny though.

Chalkboard

(no subject)

I had a little fun writing a letter to my neighbors and dropping it off with some flyers the neighborhood association left here while I was gone. I felt so bad that there was a time sensitive piece of information in there, a kind of terrorist information meeting that's being held at a temple near our house. As much as I hate anything fear fanning, i would have liked to go, and I definitely would have liked my neighbors to have known about it. They'll have more though. Beau helped me. He's so sweet. I walk along and hand him the letters and then he runs them up to the mailboxes. I got to see my neighbor Carol and she gave me some fresh catnip for the kitties. They are roaring around the house now knowing things over, guess they like it. Too funny, wish you could see them.

Mom wants fruit, she was a little jealous because her mean roommate got a peach cobbler and she didn't. The mean roommate didn't eat it but Mom couldn't ask her for it because they're fighting, something like that. I was planning on going to Best Buys because I had promised Beau last night that I would take him back today when we discovered that his new speakers didn't work. What to do, what to do? I took a Xanax. (Heh, I just had to teach my spell checker how to spell Xanax, don't let me become addicted okay?) Mom and the fruit wins. She wants papayas, mangos and bananas, poor thing. I want a life. Am I the meanest most selfish human being on the planet? Why am I so messed up and ambivalent about caring for my mother? I think people who work in health care are saints, I mean it, seriously, they are the most selfless giving people on the planet.

I try to live my life by being aware of the effect I am having on anyone with whom I have contact or exchange. I want to make people's lives happier and brighter and I think if I am open to sensing how they may be feeling as a result of interplay with me that I will then be a better, kinder, more loving person. That's the plan but it makes me feel pretty crappy sometimes because the standard I set for myself is too high for me to reach. My dear friend Susan Pomerantz always used to say that I suffer because I know where I want to be but the gradient is just too steep a climb.