September 16th, 2002

Chalkboard

Putting One of Our Bunnies to Sleep

Oh God, one of our bunnies was suddenly paralyzed yesterday, so we rushed it to the animal emergency hospital and it turns out it has a deformed spine, and that it's a congenital thing. It has a lesion in it's spine and it's never going to be able to use it's legs. With bunnies it's not as easy as caring for a cat or a dog, where you can get them a little wheelchair and work with them. They are super delicate and it's very stressful on them. He probably wouldn't even be able to pee by himself, we'd have to express his bladder three times a day for him, and be very careful to clean his skin, which I would gladly do but then he's still going to get urine burns, and if we blow it even slightly, forget just once, or if I go out of town and someone lets me down, his bladder could rupture.

He doesn't seem to be in pain but he just had a seizure, which could be from the stress, or from having another lesion in the brain somewhere, sigh. This is sooo hard, and I hate myself for making this decision but I've decided to put him to sleep. Man, I hate this, and I blame myself all around. I know you guys will say kind things and tell me it's okay. I hear and feel your supportive comments without your having to make them. I still hate myself though for letting all of these bunnies breed and for allowing this little inbred person to be born only to suffer and have to be put to sleep. Although as a soul being maybe he just needed to be here for a little while, God, who knows.