September 19th, 2002


Landmark Forum, Mom's Cancer, Dad At the Beach

Oh man what have I gotten myself into? My dear old friend Durga has been more involved with The Forum lately and has been trying to get me to come, and out of love for her I signed up. Ack. I've been successfully avoiding this for twenty years. I'm telling you, only a tremendous amount of love for a dear friend would get me up this early in the morning for four days in a row. I'm on hold right now because their "fulfillment manager" wants to talk to me about the fact that I take psychiatric medications (Ritalin and Effexor.) Maybe they just want to make sure I'm not gonna whip out a machete during one of their weekend courses. Don't worry I won't start trying to get you to sign up for it for at least a few months, heh.

I went with Mom to her oncologist for her first visit since her lung cancer surgery and the news is so good it's hard to believe. They feel confident that they got it all, and if the carcinoid tumor in her lymph node has spread, the cells are so teenie tiny that it would be anywhere from five to ten years before they could grow enough to cause any trouble. So she doesn't have to have chemo or radiation therapy. We are both so happy and relieved. I have to think of something wonderful to do for her to celebrate.

This has been such a wonderful process. I mean I know it's been scary and overwhelming and challenging but it's brought us closer, and it's shown me what a terrific, brave, positive, strong person my Mother is. Some of her personality traits that have made having a close relationship with her particularly challenging, are the very ones that made all of this so much easier than it could have been. It's also helped me face my lifelong fear of cancer, and helped me feel grateful and close to so many people in our lives. I hope it's helped Mom in some ways, but I don't really know how yet. I'm guessing she must be relieved and grateful, but mostly she just wants to get a face or neck lift.

With respect for my alcoholic friends, after we got the news from Mom's oncologist, I said, "Mom we should go out and get smashed," but the funny thing is, I don't drink, and she isn't her same lushy, booze-drinking self anymore, although she does have the occasional vodka tonic, and a bloody mary when she plays bridge on Sundays. I have to think of something terrific and fun to do to celebrate. I'll send her my favorite arrangement, The Green Dream, from The Woods tomorrow. I could send her some more balloons, but I already did that. Hmmm. Oh well, I'll think of something.

Thank you Mary for your generosity, for your openness and for being such a loving example for all of us> Mom's oncologist read your article and really liked it. Thank you to all of my Live Journal friends, known and unknown, who prayed, lit candles and sent good thoughts our way, thank you to the dear Sisters of the Sacred Heart of Mary for praying and having a mass said for Mom, and thank you God/Goddess/Mary (who my friend Mary calls BVM which I thought meant Big Virgin Mary but is really Blessed Virgin Mary)/Jesus/Holy-Spirit/Angeles/Saints/and Mother Nature.

PS: My shower bunny, the little guy living in my shower until he's well enough to go back to his hutch, bit me yesterday. Three good rabbity munches right in a row on my hand, bam, bam, bam. Ouch, rabbits have sharp teeth! He was trying to show me how big, scary, and tough he was, so I'd stop treating his wound. Didn't work, because after I got over the shock, I kissed him. Ha ha ha. Then today two of the baby bunnies peed on me.

PPS: Little Sydsu is still hiding under the bed, but he came out for a little bit at around six this morning. I was able to bribe him a bit with a piece of string cheese.

PPPS: My Dad showed up in my dreams last night. I take it seriously when he shows up because I think he's really there trying to interact with me. He was sitting at a table under an umbrella at The Beach Club. He was dressed in white and I was so happy to see him. His energy was so much lighter, happier, and more approving of me than in life. I felt so much love from and for him. Then two amazing, huge, powerful waves came and swept so many people away. I was hysterical trying to find Beau. Jennifer Aniston, Brad Pitt, and the cast of Friends were there as well.

A Leetle Song and Playing with Pagers

So cute, Beau and Andrea just came in my office and said they wanted to sing a song for me. Beau had his bongos and little Andrea was carrying my guitar. Beau counted to three and they played and sung;

My dog has fleas
Your dog has fleas
My dog has fleas
Your dog has fleas
Yes, they have fleas

I don't know, it was just so cute with Andrea trying to strum this guitar that's way to big for her, and Beau whacking away his accompaniment on the bongos. Ahhh kids, these are the moments I live for.

Scott and I have text pagers so we can talk to each other when we're apart. Although now that I have a cell phone, we haven't been using them as much. In fact we both let our batteries run out and were just talking about it on the phone. I changed mine and Scott promised to change his as soon as he got home. He said, "Ha, now you'll see how many messages I sent that you never received," and I said, "No, now you'll see how many of my messages you never received."

The funny things is, he's right. I'm really bad about the pagers, I forget to check mine, and the poor man writes to me and I often miss his messages. Poor Scott, it's so unfair. In this case I really didn't get any of his messages, and I never wrote any to him, so I had to hustle up some messages to send so that when he changes out the battery, and the satellite sends them all in bulk, it'll look like I've been writing for days. Although he's too smart to be duped by my evil plan, but it was fun to do anyway.

My Messages to Mr. Scott

1.) Oh me oh my you never get my messages.
2.) What's a gal to do when her Scotti never gets her messages?
3.) Man, here I am paging you for days and days and you never get back to me anymore : (
4.) Whassa matter, your battery dead or something?
5.) Hi Darling. Another day, another message, and still no response from you. Don't you love me anymore?
6.) You're cruel to make me wait like this. I'm getting lonely. Write back please?!?
7.) Damn, you just won't respond will you? Is it something I said? I'm so horny and the UPS man is starting to look good to me.
8.) I'm sorry honey, I don't know how to break this to you, but Roy and I are having an affair. We did it right in the back of his van amidst all those sexy boxes. Roy has a pager and he gets back to me.
9.) I just thought I'd let you know, (as if you cared you callous bastard), that Roy and I were married last weekend in Reno, and I'm moving in with him.
10.) One last page to let you know that I'm having Roy's little UPS babies. How do you like that? I shan't write again. Good-bye my love.

You think he'll be surprised? You know, this is one of those things about which my ever pragmatic and often hurtful Mother would say, "Well, dear, all I can say is, it certainly must be nice to have so much free time on your hands. Some of us have more important things to do."