November 23rd, 2002


Hunter Reno, Mom, Journal-Keeping, Romance ,and Sex Dreams

I'm not gay, I'm not, no really, I'm really, really not. No, not gay, definitely not, but if I I would certainly want to make Janet Reno's niece my personal love slave. Hunter Reno, she has an exotic travel show on the Travel Channel. She's just so attractive in a girly-I-want-her kind of way. She definitely set of my gaydar bells and then when I found out she was Janet Reno's niece, well, it just must run in the family, looking that darned cute and boyishly attractive.

Truthfully I can't tell if I want her or I want her life. Sexually, despite my lack of any real girl on girl experience, well, other than one drunk kiss to make my jerky-ex jealous for hitting on her, I think I fit somewhere in the middle of the sexual continuum. I bet a lot of us do if we were honest with ourselves. I think it's natural and human to be attracted to both sexes or one or the other.

Okay, well I'm off to meet with my Mom's secretary who called me drunk again the other night. I think she just gets into the wine and who can blame her, things have been really tough for her these days. Oh God so many stories but I have to go...

Mom is doing better, they took her stomach pump out. It was really hard to watch. She would ask me to feed her ice and then the ice would come right back up through this tube that was threaded through her nose. Her room mate has cancer and is the sweetest most positive bee on the planet. I have to remember to take her some lip balm, (because her lips were chapped), when I go visit today.

I'm sorry my journal tends to be such a drama-fest. I get super busy and then I find I only make time to write the big stuff in here. I owe so many of you visits and hugs and comments and I do care so much about you. It makes me so sad when people drop off my friend's list but I totally understand. I just can't find the time to be the kind of pal here that you deserve me to be. I keep trying but it just doesn't ever seem to happen. I wonder if other people have this same problem. The best I seem to be able to do is to be able to respond to people's comments in my journal, and even that has been hard to do lately. Maybe I should just cut myself some slack. At least I'm making the time to semi-journal-document my life.

Scott and I had a nice sensual, or is it sensuous, (I know that one of them applies to vegetables but I can never remember which), I think it's sensuous, bath last night. I put a huge fairy jasmine, bath-fizzing-ball from Lush Canada in the tub and it smelled so good and was full of glitter. Perfect for me, super girly, sparkly and pretty, but not so good for Scott because it irritated his eyes, poor love man. I gave him a neck, chest, and shoulder massage with a love bomb and then I gave him his azuki bean facial massage. He is the more giving of touch in our relationship so it felt good to be able to give back a bit.

I had the weirdest dreams last night. I woke up so aroused. I went to my ex-in-laws house and they were being kind to me which was surprising. I felt uncomfortable and a little afraid to be there. My ex-step-mother-in-law was showing me her bathroom. She had the most amazing bathtub set up. She had three of them and they were huge, one had a long water slide, and the other two were more like little ponds. Later I went around some corner and made friends with an Asian prince and princess of some kind but they were taken away for some reason. Then when I was poking around in their bathroom I found all kinds of fun sex toys, and was trying to take them home with me without anyone noticing.

(no subject)

Look at this cute dress</a> I bought. I've always loved vintage clothes. In high school and college I always wore neat old dresses I would find, and I used to manage a vintage clothing store here in LA called LA Woman. The owner had been friends with The Doors and The Mama's and The Papa's. She was a trip, but that's another long story. Anyway I stopped buying vintage, (other than dresses sesigned by my Mother and Grandmother), when I started gaining weight, a long time ago. But just lately I've been feeling hopeful and there are so many beautiful things on eBay that I can't resist and I've begun buying them again.

I just bought this poodle dress and this amazing wedding coat and I just wanted to show them to you.

This coat is from the twenties and it's so beautiful. It's completely lined in silk. I don't know if you can tell how cool it is from the picture but it's really unique. I love things that are embroidered or beaded and things that have an Asian flair really thrill me. I also love beaded cashmere sweaters from the fifties. I keep dreaming that I'll put up a little website dedicated to them. I own the domain and I've been planning on doing this forever. Just like I've been planning on getting a cat-cam, rat-cam, ferret-cam a bunny-cam and a chinchilla-cam going, sigh.

I'm also nuts about Esther Hunt heads and I finally managed to buy a copy of one on eBay. She had a lot of people who knocked off her little Chinatown busts and even the copies are totally out of this world expensive. That reminds me I have to go pay for that, but not before I call my credit card company and twist their heads off. I sent them a huge check two weeks ago and it still hasn't gone through, argh, grrrr.

I've been getting more im's from strangers lately. Why is that?

Oh Fuck, just had a huge fight with my mother. She is the most unreasonable monster to me sometimes. I'm just sitting here crying. I'm going to go over there.