March 6th, 2003

Chalkboard

(no subject)

Jerusalem Post is quoting Jerusalem Radio saying that the United States have captured Osama Bin Laden. The BBC are saying it as well but the White House isn't confirming it.
Chalkboard

(no subject)





God, I am in the worst mood. I'm sick of being sick. Beau has been home from school for more than a week and he is giving me such a hard time about doing his homework. I had to get really angry and ground him from TV and telephone chatting for three days in order to get him to agree to read two measly little chapters in this super easy and fun book. Irma is off dealing with her usual enormous pile of personal problems. Her car got towed because she didn't pay her car insurance. She didn't pay her car insurance because she spent every dime she had and borrowed more to bring her brother over from El Salvador. Her scummy brother who won't even lift a finger to work off his debt to me. She borrowed two thousand dollars from me, (the most I've ever been able to loan anyone, and won't be able to again, considering Mom has locked down my trust), and neither this brother nor her other one, are willing to try to do a little work to help her wipe out the debt. Esther is here today taking Irma's place and she is chatting away on the telephone. She comes late, leaves early and takes lots of breaks. Scott doesn't seem to have any empathy for what I am going through. He just yaks my ear off about music and his stuff and just isn't aware of how much pain I'm in, how frightened and stressed I am. I hate everyone today. I feel used and unappreciated and pissed off. When I look at myself in the mirror I see a giant triangular shaped, bottom heavy monster, with twenty million chins. My birthday is coming up, (march 29), I wonder if anyone will even bother to send me a card. I'm definitely in self pity mode. Don't worry, I'll get over it, I always do.

Okay that's it, I'm done with being sick. I'm going to call the doctor and insist on antibiotics.
Chalkboard

(no subject)

I recently went to the Mormon temple to do some more research about an accidental death by drowning that my Father may have been involved in, in the thirties. The woman who helped me was so pretty and graceful. She and the other young women there called eachother Sister this and Sister that. She was doing her mission. She asked me if I wouldn't mind filling out a little card, so I did, argh. Now I have Mormons coming by my house trying to recruit me. What was I thinking? They seem like lovely people but they are just way too conservative for me.

Beau keeps giving me a hard time about this simple reading assignment he has to do. He does everything he can to stall and try to get out of it. He just asked me if he could go out and play with Esther's daughter Andrea. I told him that he has to finish his reading and then he can go play. He told me that I seem like a totally different person. It really hurts my feelings and makes me sad, hearing that.

It's hard being a single parent. I have to be the loving nurturing Mom, and the disciplinarian Dad at the same time. I don't have any choice, but I'm sick of it, and angry about it. My ex gets to be a complete flake who is accountable to no one and for nothing. I don't understand why Beau is making everything so hard for me. I don't know if I am behaving differently or not. I know I'm not caving.

I know that I'm angry and sick of putting up with everyone using me and giving nothing back, that's for certain. I know that I don't have any patience and that I am so tired of being ill and having no one take it seriously or care very much. I just don't have any more room for selfishness, I've run out of space in my heart and mind for it. It makes me blunt and curt. People aren't used to my having boundaries and being insistent on being heard and treated with respect I guess.