March 11th, 2003


I have too much stuff...

Yeay, things are looking up. Well, if you don't count that I stupidly turned on Fear Factor and saw a big casserole dish filled with cow, sheep, and fish eyes. I just wanted to watch people slide down the big shiny pyramid, but I won't watch poor slaughtered animals being desecrated.

I don't get how people can be so insensitive to this -- people I really like, they're just completely tuned out when it comes to the part they play in the murder of these innocent animals. How can anyone eat something that was killed for them? I just don't get it. I think it's because it's been so many years since I became a vegetarian so I've fallen out of touch with how I was able to eat animals and tune out the wrongfulness of it. If you don't agree with me on this issue, that's your business, please don't get into a debate with me here on my journal. I just need to feel free to write how I feel here without having to debate the issue. I absolutely fucking hate that people kill animals and eat them and that's the long and short of it for me.

On a less sensitive note, today was a good day. I had my chest x-rays done, and they were clear, so I'm okay lung-wise for surgery. Thursday I'll have my stress echocardiogram, finally, and then hopefully my heart will be cleared for surgery. It's a wee bit worrying because I took Phen-Fen for two solid years! I'm a candidate for the class action lawsuit but so far I haven't joined it. So many attorneys contacted me and tried to get me to have an echo so they could document any amount of heart valve damage and add me to the class action. I thought it was all bogus and it just didn't feel right to get involved with. I'm crossing my fingers that I really don't have any heart damage because I really did take these medications for way longer than anyone I've spoken with so far.

I've been slowly getting back on my feet after this latest bout of flu. Each day for the last three days or so I've been able to go out and do one thing before I get sweaty and weak and have to come home. Today I did a few things and I even went to my old antique mall and did a little shopping before I started to feel woozy and weak. Fenugreek. (I don't know, it just came out there cause it rhymed.) I bought a big paper Easter egg like the kind my Mom used to give me when I was little. I remember that she stuffed it full of packages of gum, (oooh I used to love Adams Sour Cherry, Apple, and Orange gums, yum), and I loved that. I also bought some pretty Victorian dye cuts -- little floral greetings and some sweet cards with glitter. I also got a delicate little bridal tiara/crown that is soooo pretty, and two old children's books -- one has illustrations of fairies, mermaids, and gnomes that was incredibly overpriced but I just had to have it, and the other is a book of Japanese fairy tales with the best little drawings and color illustrations. Oh and I got two little chenille Easter ducks. Much fun.

All in all I'm feeling stronger and more positive about my surgery. My bariatric surgery is pretty much uppermost in my mind these days. I've never had any kind of surgery, well, other than exploratory and OBGYN related things. And this is pretty major, so it's natural that I should be feeling a little apprehensive. I'd been feeling pretty panicked but seeing the surgeon and being able to talk on the phone with his assistant Gedion has made me feel so much better. Of course my biggest fear is that I won't survive the surgery. All of the other stuff, that nausea and the barfing, not being able to eat anything solid for nine weeks afterwards, maybe going through all of this just to lose and then regain the weight, none of this scares me like the thought of dying during the surgery or shortly afterwards.

I just don't want to die and leave my little boy and all of my animals all alone. I'm not as worried about leaving Scott, he'd be sad for a while, but he's so sweet and wonderful, he would easily find someone else. Beau and our pets is a whole other thing. Oh bleh, how did I get into this? I guess it's because I know I should finalize my will and settle everything. It's just so scary to do. Like buying airplane insurance right before you get on a plane.

I've done all I can to finalize the divorce, at least the worry of that is out of my hands. I'm getting all of the medical tests and insurance duckies lined up. I just have to face the big scary issue of what if the worst happened. Prepare for the worst and hope for the best. That's the plan. I'm pretty sure I want to be cremated. My ideal funeral would be in the bay at Napili Kai, on Maui. The sweetest and most moving funeral I ever saw was there. This local family had lost their little baby so they all gathered in the ocean, held hands in a big circle, floated leighs and loose flowers out to sea, and scattered the ashes. It was really beautiful. I felt honored to have been able to witness that. Oh Lordy I don't want to write any more about this. I just wanted to check in. Okay das it, talk to jew later. Love you - Jacqui


Chocolate Baths and Allergies, Backyard Barns, and Mother's Old Boyfriends

I've been really itchy for two days now. I'm tying to decide whether it's because Beau and I put a lot of chocolate eggs in our bath the night before last, or because I may be allergic to penicillin. We had a seriously chocolatey bath, we rubbed it all over ourselves like mud. But I've had hives from antibiotics once before, hives and intestinal complaints. I thought I'd settle this by carefully washing myself off today but I'm still itchy.

Next step -- call my doctor who has suddenly taken to hugging me. Wow, it really took a long time to break down her resistance. What's it been, ten years of iciness and now she's finally melting? Gratitude for miracles.

Doesn't this, The Gentle Barn, sound like a nice place? I want to visit.

Awwwww the magazine called (Mary Engelbreit's Home Companion) and told me that people had been calling to compliment me and ask questions about where I got things. Plus the sweet woman who called apologized for not having sent us copies and said she'd put some in the mail right away. Terrific ego booster that.

Now I have to find a moonbounce for Andrea and go to the dentist, shivers, this afternoon, blee.

Hugs, Wacqui

PS: It's kind of cool how people's lives come full circle; My Dad and his fraternity story, and now my Mom and her secrets and her past. Mom was a seriously beautiful woman, well, still is, but she was a platinum blonde Jean Harlow type when she was young and she dated a lot. Back then dating was pretty chaste but she did go out with a lot of men, famous and successful men as well. She just called to ask me if I had written the name and phone number of one of her really old boyfriends on a piece of paper at our vacation house in Palm Springs. It said Vaughn Paul with the location of his home and his phone number. I didn't do it. But I think the people she just rented the house to did.

How funny that these people from Oregon, that she doesn't know and has never met, would not only know her old boyfriend, but write his number down and leave it there for her to see. I wonder if they did it on purpose, too funny. This is the man who was so in love with her that he had a bracelet with his name on it soldered on to her wrist. He was vice president of Universal Studios at one point and married Deanna Durban. I love my Mom's old stories.

Here's a sweet one for my girlyfriends. I owe you guyz some nudes soon, stay tuned for naked postings.

What Do You Collect and A Pretty Naked Woman In the Pool

I collect vintage photos. I love double exposures and photo booth images. I collected photo booth strips and images long before Amelie came out, but now they're more popular than ever and harder to find.

Which reminds me, last night I was browsing journals and came across a post on ana's where she asked her pals what they collect. Seems like a good idea. What do you guys collect?

I collect vintage dresses (feminine as opposed to something a grieving, great, Italian auntie would wear; florals, tulle, velvets, silks, Asian influence, French beaded sweaters, evening gowns, slips, bathing suits etc.) and especially slips in large sizes. I like old purses, box and basket styles and beaded.

In postcard, greeting and trade cards, I like embossed (but not the fuzzy puffy kind) and chrome roses, peonies, lilies of the valley and red poppies, well basically anything pretty, pastel and floral, and French romantic, vintage erotic, and real photo. I also like hand tinted photos of children and cats and almost anything with beading or sequins.

I like cards and candid photos of black Standard Poodles, cats, Japanese Chins, volcanos, theater and film, Winsch, especially Schmucker, Halloween, especially embossed cards with black cats, vegetables and goblins, also any with owls, dragonflies, fairies, paper lanterns and Victorian/Asian themes, like the three little maids from The Mikado or geisha girls with fans and some cigarette cards and silks. I've just started to take an interest in little elves and fairies with red mushrooms. I also like all kinds of nudes and bubbles, although not necessarily together.

In state cards, I like New Jersey, Hamilton Ohio, Los Angeles, Santa Monica, and Hollywood, Hawaii, Catalina Island, Coney Island, esp. Luna Park, and California. I also collect Scott's Emulsion cards. I like Asian cards, especially women and children with parasols and paper lanterns. I love anything Esther Hunt or similar in style. I like vintage tinted images of Chinese children, people and street scenes in Chinatown. In postcards, trade cards and real photo I love cats, cute children, nuns, brides, wedding couples, women in vintage bathing costumes, especially Victorian seaside postcards or just people in pools or underwater. Also dragons and real photos of children in Halloween costumes and panoramic photos of children and some others, particularly if they are of landscapes, school plays or anything theatrical. I like die cuts and valentines. I love older family photo albums and scrapbooks and diaries and letters but pre 1960s. I also love erotic from gentle nudes all the way to the far side of wild in these real photos, I guess they just remind me that even our grandmother's were sexual which works for me.

I like vintage Rose Bowl Parade, float designs and postcards. I collect vintage paper lanterns. I like charm bracelets and charms. I have pet rats so anything rat oriented in a positive way is welcome. I like Arrow Rubber Mobley squeaky dogs and cats. I love Steiff, particularly tiny ones, but not the standard and larger sized bears as much.

I also like women's vanity items and Bakelite bracelets that are large enough to fit my wrist. I like almost anything celluloid, especially animals (I like the way the tiny animals feel). I like buttons, mother of pearl, Bakelite, rhinestone and others. I like vintage children's books with colorful illustrations and readers with little colored images. I like pottery or porcelain heads hands and feet, but not the traditional head vases with the eyelashes and earrings. I adore Chinese busts, particularly Esther Hunt or anyone who produced busts in her style. My favorite are the busts of women and children from Chinatown with little headdresses and flowers. I also collect her postcards and prints.

I love mermaids. I collect rosaries. I like some Catholic things, especially anything relating to nuns. I like anything Lenticular or 3D. I love costume jewelry, I collect Weiss and several others and particularly those big plastic or celluloid flower pins that are ruffley and kind of realistic looking. I like rhinestone tiaras, crowns, and headpieces. I love bridal veils and Victorian wax orange blossoms. I like vintage ribbon, some trims and love milliner flowers, especially velvet pieces or chenille.

I like chalkware lamps depending on the design, particularly if they have Asian women. I'm looking for anything by or about Esther Hunt or her contemporaries. I also like little Asian figurines and wall pockets. I like toys and figurines with red hair like trolls or funny little figurines. I love chenille figures, those felt ornaments that came from Bucilla kits that people made for their Christmas trees, they usually have sequins and beads all over them, tiny little fish tanks, weird little things that are cute, and, I like things with googly eyes.

I also collect cat's whiskers that have fallen out, old letters, diaries and scrapbooks, Arrow Rubber squeaky cats and dogs, Academy Award, Emmy and Sag viewing tapes and DVDs, props, chenille Easter chickies, vintage Christmas and Halloween ornaments and things, valentines, collage and assemblage, sculptures of hands and feet, Roseville, Van Briggle, Bauer, McCoy and other pottery, vintage millinery flowers and straw hats, bug jewelry, dragonfly, mermaid, gnome, and fairy themed things, books books and more books, bee things, crows and ravens, display cabinets, old advertising signs, unusual lighting and figural lamps, geodes, crystals, beautiful minerals, minerals that fluoresce under black light, anhydrous minerals -- minerals that have water and bubbles inside them, 3D postcards or pins, basically anything Lenticular, cows, giraffes, little cute chenille people, Asian things, buttons, mother of pearl things, paper lanterns, vintage and modern perfume and bottles, vintage medicine cabinet items, chalkware dollies and cats and things, foreign currency, Hawaiiana, volcano imagery, owls, salesman samples, mini things, beads, costume jewelry, rhinestones, glitter, Steiff animals, Madame Alexander dolls but not as much lately, trolls -- I like them naked so I take off their clothes, kiddles and Barbies, hat boxes, display mannequins, the chalkware kind, old globes, 78's, colored and photo image LPs, stamps, barkcloth, shabby chicy faded floral things, some toleware, fans, pearls, shells, old sugar Easter eggs you can look into through the little peephole, info and memorabilia about secret organizations like the ladies of the eastern star, saint statues, action figures with extra arms or eyes, eyeballs, bats, viewmasters... tarot cards, old games, anything from the movies Mars Attacks, or nightmare Before Christmas, Lego, colorforms, pop up books, children's books, sterling charms and charm bracelets, funny salt and pepper shakers, vintage forties tablecloths like fruit and cherries, wallpaper samples and runners, old kitchen utensils, monkeys, children's push and pull toys, panoramic photos, vintage group photos, pictures of nuns, old magazines from the fifties and before, theatre memorabilia, especially set design, parade float art, mardisgras related memorabilia, Victorian and Edwardian earrings and mourning jewelry, especially anything with eyes, and underwater pictures of people and things. I know I'm missing something but I am just too tired to go on................

Oooh lookey here, naked gal in a swimming pool with a flower in her hair, pretty. I love naked people in pools, anything with water.
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