April 9th, 2003

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Shhhh, don't tell anyone she's topless and smoking.

Let's see... I lost another pound. I'm definitely beginning to understand how little I can eat before I feel full and that makes me feel kind of happy and a little scared and hopeful all at the same time. I still can't shake this crazy feeling that I am going to be the one person who has had this radical surgery who won't lose weight, or who will only lose a small amount of weight before my food mad little inner demon takes over and finds some way to cheat around this. I didn't get enough exercise today so I'll redouble my efforts tomorrow.

I'm trying to cut my bedtime back bit by bit so I can flip my insomniacal (is that a Bushism) sleeping patterns around. it got so bad last week that I was going to bed at seven in the am and getting up around four in the afternoon, which really sucked.

Irma's daughter Jacky is in fourth grade and poor Irma doesn't have a clue how to help the kids with their homework so I'm in that whole fourth grade California Mission report hell all over again. I don't mind helping really, it's actually kind of fun, but just in case you're thinking that graduating from any level of our nasty education system means you will never again have to get stressed out over a stupid school report again, you would be verrrrry wrong. Thank God I don't have to make the mission model, but if you asked me anything about the Santa Ines mission right now, I would be able to spew forth quite a few brain space occupying facts involving Pio Pico, earthquakes, Saint Agnes, grist mills, and the Chumash Indians. Bleh,

I begged Scott to take me out to an escapist movie, so we went to see The Core. What a waste of good talent. How could a movie with such a good cast go so wrong? Yikes. I mean, even if you love big disaster movies mixed with earth core science and terranauts, you would have hated this. You'd have to be brain dead not to notice all of the great big gaping holes in the plot. I kept turning to Scott and asking him questions, which is odd because he usually nods off, and then I'm the one who fills him in on everything.

It wasn't until the end of the movie that I realized there were no answers to my questions, and that it wasn't even worth asking them. Come on; giant subterranean geodes and diamonds, space suits and ships that can withstand depths of pressure that would crush, well, that would definitely crush a big thing, something really really big, and hard. I've been down a hundred feet in the ocean and seen what just that amount of pressure will do to a can, it flattened it completely, so I just can't imagine some kind of magic metal that some goofy scientist guy invents just in the nick of time, that would shield these people from being squashed like poor little buggies, oh and never mind the fact that they get out of the earthship and stand around on crystals inside an enormous geode. And why do so many of the heroes have to die? But at least the only black member of the ship didn't go first, I swear I was going to walk out if that happened. Argh, whatever, it's so frustrating because every time I go see a movie that misses the mark I want so badly to help it along a little, take all the pieces and make it better. It's just silly entertainment that made me sad when there was a space shuttle crash, and it was fun to see some of the actors working together.

Okay I'm off to bed, I hope. Going to pet some cat bellies and listen to boring am radio.


Goodnight! XOXOXOXO
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OMG I don't know what I was thinking, I just swallowed two half pills without breaking them up into tiny pieces first and I am in such discomfort. I can't even throw them up. It feels like some kind of hard lumpish creature is lodged in the base of my throat. In my pre-surgery days I would eat something to make pills go down when they get stuck, now I don't know what to do except sit up straight and wait for them to disolve. God, what was I thinking?

I remember reading in Carney Wilson's book that got too excited about crab and took too big of a bite that got stuck and then she felt like it was crawling up and down her throat for a while. Oh phew it's getting better, that was scary.