May 31st, 2003


(no subject)

My little kitten died. It's a faith rocker for sure. I was thinking that because I prayed and had faith that God had managed to hear me and answer my little kitty prayer and save his life. I mean he was cold and floppy and wasn't breathing and then he came back and he was cute and little and fluffy and warm and it seemed like a miracle. Then the next day one of his aunts tries to steal him from his Mom and cuts his neck. Then we bundle him off to the vet and he puts two little stitched in it and we moved all of the youngest babies to my closet so they wouldn't have to survive any more cat-aunt haul off attacks.

Last night Beau and I were visiting the littlest babies while we fed our little orange and brown half-face monkey boy his bottle. The little wounded white siamese kitten boy was mewing a lot. I kept moving him to nipples so he could nurse and then this morning he was dead. I'm so sad. I try so hard to believe there is a reason behind everything, but when something sad like this happens, I just, oh I don't know, blah.

But Scott sent this song by the spongmokeys about the moon to me and it is cheering me up because it makes me laugh so much. Hope you like it too. I like tha moon too but not as much as cheese. I really like the moon but not as much as cheese, zeppelins, kelp, deer and marmots.

I think these are the same people who made Weeble and Bob because they have the Viking Kittens and Mr Stabby. You might enjoy playing with the tourettaphone.

(no subject)

Scott's off making music. He's recording two new tracks with a new producer and some pro session people. One of the songs is the song he wrote for me but they're changing it to make it reggae. I feel protective of it because I love it the way it is, but it'll be fun to see how it turns out. I'm so happy for him but I'm lonely, cold, tired, and bored. I'm sad about our little kitten.

A friend of mine came over today without giving me any notice and she brought her sister-in-law who I've always liked. It was so scary for me because I hate having people in my house without plenty of notice. I want to be able to clean everything up and put out the pillows, put some of the cats upstairs. But I let them in and I felt immediately on the defensive. She, the sister-in-law of my friend, kept saying that she felt sorry for my cats because they don't go outside. She kind of grilled me about everything. I'm glad that she loves animals so much but I felt so scrutinized and unsafe. I don't ever want to feel that way again. I mean Christ I give everything to my animal friends. They have a pretty good life, and often at the expense of the humans who live here. And here I was hvaing to defend myself, as if I don't love my cats. God it's scary, letting people in with their opinions and their judgements. I've lost too many cats to coyotes, cars, cat fights and disease to let any more out in this dangerous city. It was a hard lesson to learn. I thought they should be free too, but when you see them suffering with disease or dying from broken bones you start to get over that. When I told her this she said, "There are vaccinations to prevent that." Vaccinations for coyotes and cars? I had no idea it would be like this. It was a good lesson for me.

Rosa came over too. She brought my weekly check from Mom. Of course she didn't let me know she was calling. It made me wonder why she was volunteering to come over, what her game was? I wonder if she was hoping for a confrontation, something juicy she could report back to Mom. I just stayed in my office and refused to speak to her. I let Esther deal with it. No more tips for Rosa when she brings my check by. Screw her, seriously, I am so done with her. After all this time, I've finally got the picture, she is rotten to the core, and she has got to go.

I'm so hungry but I don't have the energy to go downstairs and make anything. Why don't I have the energy to go out to eat somewhere? Maybe Beau would go with me to Dolores'. Why can't food just magically appear, money and medicine too, that would be perfect.

I think I'll call my friend and see what her take on today was.