I've been super backed up with holiday doings. I keep wanting to find the time to sit here and upload and edit some pictures for you but I just can't seem to find the time. I am knitting and making things for Christmas presents though which is lots of fun.
I have so many presents to sort and wrap. I never think I'm done shopping until I've bought everyone at least four or five presents and no one ever gives me anything anywhere near what I give them so I don't know why I stress out about it. Every year I tell myself I'll simplify and spend less, giving only handmade gifts which are always my favorite but like I said before, the pull of the lure of the shopping madness is too strong for me, all those boxed gift sets of cosmetics and free gifts with purchase and purchase with purchase holiday gift specials make me want to go to the department stores and wander around. It's madness, not quite Courtney Love making strange faces in court madness, but madness nevertheless
My friend Susan's car broke down today just as she was about to leave for her annual holiday show, (she's the chair of a huge college and directs this holiday show every year and everyone depends on her to be there), and she called me panicked because she needed a ride ASAP out to her college which is a good forty-five minute drive from my house. It felt good to be a friend and be able to help her out but it completely threw my plans for the day off. Another day lost, oh well.
I ripped into two of the many boxes of Sees Candies that I've bought as back up emergency gifts for people and have been eating them. I'll never get to my goal weight doing this. I'm such an addict. I ate some in the car on the war to picking my friend up, then complained to her about my newest bad habit, then ate some more after I dropped her off, got sick and had to rush to find a bathroom and wound up in a Starbucks embarrassed and uncomfortable, hoping no one would knock and be kept waiting while I rode out my stomach's chocolate upset. Then later after all of this I actually ate more and then finally tonight I begged Beau to get the gross crumbled up bits of picked over candy that were left and throw them away somewhere where I wouldn't be able to fish them out of the trash. Like I said I am such an addict -- so sad. And I'm stressed over money, nothing new there.
I met a sweet LJ friend at the holiday party for my weight loss surgery and it was so much fun. I love her. She's so lovely and pretty and sweet.
I knit a great red scarf the night before because I wanted to have something bright and red to go with my black wool dress. I didn't think I'd be able to pull it off and was so proud when I did. Atra helped me with the fringe but it's so easy I'm sure I'll be able to do it for my next two scarves -- the ones I'm making for Irma and Esther. I wish I had enough time to make another two -- one for Scott and one for Beau.
Scott was badly behaved at my Mom's Christmas tree trimming thing, but he'd say I was the one who was difficult and argumentative. Sometimes I just want to clobber the guy but I love him so much.
Oh and the best and most amazing news, and I can't remember if I told you this or not, is that Atra's sister, my new friend the animal researcher, went to her boss and told him/her that she can't bear to work with the mice any longer, quit and transferred to another area where she doesn't have to do any animal research. I think she did this because of me. I can't begin to express how much this means to me, how moved and amazed I am at the way this all went down. I came from such a militant angry place of rage and then I finally got that God was putting this in my way over and over again for a reason and for the very first time I decided to love someone despite my being vehemently opposed to what they do. It was hard to create this kind of cognitive dissonance, this choosing to block out this part of her life and just love her over it, to shake her hand and say let's just agree to disagree and not talk about this, and then to have her go and do this, to quit and take less pay. I'm just blown away with gratitude and joy and I haven't even spoken to her about it yet.
My animal rights activist pals used to tell me that nothing really happened in India or with the civil rights movement until things got violent and militant, that although Gandhi and Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., living angels, their bid for change using peaceful protest didn't really create the turning of the tide that the more militant stands of people like Nehru and the Black Panthers did and I bought this line of thinking, but now I don't know if I believe this anymore. I mean I still want to toss paint at anyone who wears a fur coat but I don't know how much good all of our angry protesting did considering that every single catalogue I've seen for the holidays is filled with fur trimmed everything and the sheepy women are snapping it up again.
It's like the green movement that seemed to be heading in such a positive direction and then kind of fell apart. Fred Segal's had an entire section of their store devoted to eco friendly everything and when it fell out of favor they just dumped the whole thing, that's how deep that commitment went. But frankly who am I to say one word to anyone else when I continue to wear leather shoes and drive a gas guzzling machine? Big weary but still hopeful that I can do better sigh.
Okay well that's enough catching up for one night.
Love you guys, Jacqui XOXOXOXO