December 22nd, 2003


"Walk a mile in my shoes, Before you abuse, criticise or accuse, walk a mile in my shoes."

Thank you so much to everyone who sent us Christmas or holiday cards. We have loved getting them!!! I'll be sending ours out tomorrow so they'll be late but you'll be getting them with my love nevertheless. I'll scan a copy when I'm through.

I always think whatever I am about to make, collage wise, is lame until I'm through making it and I give myself such a hard time about it that I wind up procrastinating until the last minute every single time. Oh well, like I've said before, I am a seriously unfinished work in progress. You don't know this when you're twenty, that you'll be working on improving yourself until the day you die and beyond.

Anyway anyone who sent me a card gets one back and I'm nuts about cards, they're my favorite part of the holidays, so there's still time to trade cards with us, seriously, I'll make a billion and they'll just sit around here all year like last year's card. Go ahead and send us one, we'll cherish it and you'll get a goopy, colorful, Christmasy, color Xeroxed, collage card from us in return.

I'm off to work on my card, face the usual bill nightmare at Mom's house and then, (God, I'm tired I was going to say, "Take her to the vet,") take Mom to the doctor to see what's going on with her tummy.

Love you guys,

Jacqui Hyland
Beau Carrillo
11718 Barrington Court
Los Angeles, CA 90049

PS: When I signed on to AOHell today there was a feature about Martha Stewart's Saddest Christmas and while I am definitely pissed off at how they are going after her and I really dislike how we tear people down after we've built them up, I thought, "Man, I wouldn't mind trading places with her. I'd be the friendlier funnier Martha and I'll be an incredibly wealthy woman who can do so much good with all that money, like Oprah and her African Education foundation for orphaned girls," but then I thought I wouldn't get to keep my family, friends, or pets, and I'd have to look like her and given that I'd actually be her I'd probably be just as kind of cold and forbidding seeming and I wouldn't want that." Any time I start thinking about wanting to trade lives with someone I remember the Native American adage about having to walk a mile in someone else's moccasins before

PPS: I went to look something up on my beloved Google and I thought something was wrong with my darned computer again because I could only see half of the word Google and it took me a second to realize that it's because they made a new header with the word sweetly buried in snow, awwww. Don't you just love this time of year? I wish it lasted so much longer because just as I get all the busyness out of the way and am ready to get in there and do some really meaningful and loving charity work,
it's over : ( I do do my part here at home, the whole charity begins at home thing definitely applies to me because I am the primary Santa for more than twenty people!

I've always had a problem with time. It's as if my time clock is adjusted just that little bit differently from other people's and it makes me sad because I have such a had time hanging on to things and being in the moment, it seems to me as if everything is ending before it's begun, good things anyway, the hard things seem to last longer but surprise me just the same when they come to an end, like when you're leaving the dentist and you realize that you were freaking out for months over nothing.

Irma is cuddling and kissing our new rattie Sticky Pinky and Scott just called to see if we were okay since there was a really strong earthquake that lasted from more than a minute. Did anyone feel an earthquake? We didn't. How weird. Now I'm worrying someone set of a bomb in Scott's building and I want him to get out. Big buildings can be scary, I don't think I'd live in Trump Tower even if someone gave me a big gorgeous home there.

PPPS: I'm going to put my dream behind the cut for all of my pals who hate to scroll.Collapse )

(no subject)

I LOVE this postcard for some reason. I'm going to try to buy it, wish me luck.

Thank you everyone for writing. I just haven't had a free moment to get back to you my darlings. I will soon though.

My picture of Sticky Pinky is disabled because I forgot to pay Warped my measly little 18.00 fee. I rushed over to pay it and sent my apologies so hopefully you'll all be able to see my naked pink rat again soon : )

Mom has pneumonia and they want her to come in for another chest x-ray as soon as she beats it so they can make sure her lungs are clear. This is a wee bit scary considering she had lung cancer a year ago. Maybe her lungs are just more delicate and susceptible to bacteria and viruses, that would be the best case scenario.

Her doctor told her that he thinks she should see a psychiatrist because she is so anxious and unable to focus. He tested her for Alzheimer's or dementia and said that he doesn't think she has that but that she definitely needs to be seen for her scattered thinking.

I was with her at her doctor's and the radiologist's office for hours, with Rosa as well, ick, and when I left I walked right out into the shiny bright light of Beverly Hills holiday shopping. All the stores are decorated so beautifully and I rarely go to Beverly Hills, well at least not to the small stores. I'll go to Barneys and Saks or Neimans maybe once a year now if that. So there I was weary and stressed and the pretty stores were calling my name. What do you think I did? Yup, I went into a store and bought Michal Negrin earrings and two rhinestone necklaces, then I went to Gelson's and bought food and cakes. I bought a Marzipan cake shaped like a great big roly poly Santa for Atra's mother who won't be able to eat it but will like that it is Babe Noel as she calls him.

I can't face dealing with this darned Christmas card any longer but I have no choice but to soldier on. All I want to do is limp to bed, eat my little tiny dinner and lay down watching the TV. I don't want to cut out any more images of ornaments, flowers or Christmas garlands. Why are things like this so hard for me? I honestly don't get it. All I can think of is that I am brutally perfectionistic and hard on myself. Obviously this comes from my Mom who can be emotionally brutal to both herself and me. She's tough believe me.

Both Irma and Scott did really brave things today. Things I have been encouraging them to do for years and when it came right down to it, when they actually stood up to people, made the scary choices I had always wanted them to make, I got scared for them and didn't back them up entirely. I caught myself doing this with Scott and was able to encourage him to go ahead and make his stand but with Irma I wasn't as definitive in supporting her decision. I was empathic and supportive emotionally but I forgot that it took a lot for her to come to this place and that she might need me to be stronger and more, "You go girl!" with her. I'll make it up to her tomorrow.

If Beau's amp isn't her by midday tomorrow I'm going to have to go to West La Music and get him one. He also wants another CD Player Walkman thing. He didn't ask for anything this year until the very last second and then he asked for the things I was already surprising him with darn it. The Walkman I didn't know about and it would have been so easy to just order it on Amazon. I bought him a Palm Pilot but that hasn't arrived yet either so I'm going to have to write Palm Pilot on a piece of paper or print out a picture of it and put that in an envelope. Blah and blah again.

I hate all this running around, wrapping, sorting and decorating, and at the same time I love it. Love and hate always intertwined, always.

I think this person is the most unusual person I have ever run across on eBay.