February 17th, 2004


(no subject)

I had fun putting prices on things in my antique mall today. I love being there and feeling like I'm a baby part of it. I met a nice woman who used to have a 2,800 square foot showroom, selling children's clothes and accessories to Barneys and Fred Segals and some of the most upscale stores, at the California Mart in downtown Los Angeles.

I have to get my resale/wholesale license so I can buy a few things to resell especially yarn for Atra to make things with. I put some of her pretty long skinny scarves in my case. I hope they sell, I'd really like to help her make some money. Hell, I'd like to make some money. Yup, sick of being poor, playing money games and worrying about how I'm going to pull it all off month after month. Saving money to travel seems like such an impossible goal now.

Last night I had a dream that I was at Burning Man with my little family. My Father and Mother were there with me. I was so happy to see my Dad but he couldn't stand, he tried but he fell forward and I had to catch him. I was just so happy to be there and eager to set up our little desert home away from home, get out there, dress up and make friends. I wanted so badly to show what I hold dear about it to my parents. I was so happy that they were there and we were all together in this place I love so much.

I'm here in bed watching my DVD set of The West Wing while I put prices on more of my old things. It's so much fun opening boxes and finding things to sell that I don't even remember buying. Plus this show is just so good -- the writing and the acting -- that it's like having a good book here beside me, a good book but with terrific visuals to match, it's that fulfilling.

There are four DVDs in the set and I completely missed that each DVD has another four episodes on the back of each one. It never occurred to me to flip them over. I knew I was missing something because everything would just flow so smoothly from one episode to the next but then I'd change to the next DVD and things would have jumped ahead pretty dramatically and I'd have to play catch up. I do so love this show. No wonder it's been such a hit and won so many awards, they're the government we all wish we had -- good people doing good things -- people we can trust, instead of greedy, self serving, sneaky, behind the scenes deal making politicos. People like my Mother's housekeeper Rosa, in short, people we can't trust.

My own housekeeper/babysitter/animal-caretaker/personal-assistant search is chugging along. I've had hundreds of calls and been weeding through them, interviewing a few potential candidates. I'm trying to defer the grief I will feel when Irma leaves, the sadness I'm already feeling. She's here now and I totally depend on her for everything and in a quick blink she will be gone. I can't believe this is happening. I want to scream and tear my hair. I don't want her to go and there's nothing I can do but surrender to this and trust that everything will work out for the best. This has always been one of my biggest failings, my thinking that I know what's best for us, rather than letting things unfold as they are meant to. I think I'm better at this than I ever was, better at this than a lot of people, but it's still hard, change is hard for me.

Mom called and asked me to go with her this Wednesday to see Madame Butterfly, since her friend can't go. Ah Madame Butterfly, always good for a major weep fest. I wish her friend had passed on Baz Luhrman's La Boheme, I would have loved to have seen that.

I'll leave you with this beautiful, amazing song. I have always wanted to sing it in church at a funeral or a wedding, but how can you sing this at an emotional event without getting emotional and having the music catch in your throat? I sung Amazing Grace for my Grandmother's funeral but when my Dad died I knew there was no way I would be able to sing.

Ave Maria

(Franz Shubert)
Ave Maria
Gratia plena
Maria, gratia plena
Maria, gratia plena
Ave, ave dominus
Dominus tecum
Benedicta tu in mulieribus
Et benedictus
Et benedictus fructus ventris
Ventris tuae, Jesus.
Ave Maria

Ave Maria
Mater Dei
Ora pro nobis peccatoribus
Ora pro nobis
Ora, ora pro nobis peccatoribus
Nunc et in hora mortis
Et in hora mortis nostrae
Et in hora mortis nostrae
Et in hora mortis nostrae
Ave Maria

Segueing way away from the Virgin Mary my dear old friend Karen called a couple of days ago and left a message saying she had seen a book at Dutton's that would be perfect for me, a pop up Kama Sutra. I love my pal Karen, but like always I forgot that I need to call to thank her until just now. Why does my brain only work late at night?

I bought some expensive cooked salmon at the market tonight and used it to trick all of the cats into letting me lock them in my bathroom, ha ha, well, everyone except for Millie and Legs, they won't try to walk on the keyboard while I'm typing, pee on my things or use their claws to dig nests in my lap. They're not taking this well though. They loved the salmon but they're sure trying to tear their way through the pocket door now. I think I hear wood splintering.

Anyone want to marry me and live with a hell of a lot of cats? Just thought I'd ask.

Sex With Rush Limbaugh

Okay so try to picture this. You wake up after having had a really hot dream -- something about being an upscale housewife living in a big modern town home, you've just convinced your handsome but semi-dull businessman husband to have a three way with, not the woman next door, but her husband. This will take some arranging so in the meantime you and your attractive husband make love in your indoor lap pool. Don't ask me, I just dream these things. So you wake up and reach for your handy Hitachi Magic Wand, (if you don't know what I'm talking about here, you or your partner are seriously missing out, this "toy" is the favorite of savvy gals and guys \everywhere), turn it on and ummm, put it to use, only you realize that you are hearing more than that familiar humm, why it's Rush Limbaugh, favorite sexual auditory accompaniment of masturbating women everywhere, and the radio is just out of reach. I'd fallen asleep to George Noory and Coast to Coast and woken up to Rush Limbaugh. Hummmmm, hummmmm, "The government seized my medical records and plastered them all over the Internet," oh yeah, oh baby, oh, oh, "How many of you people think I was drug trafficking?" Hummmmmm, "How many of you people think I was money laundering?" Hummmm, hummmm, "Liberal media...George Bush gone AWOL..." Mmmmm, yeah, mmmmm, hummmm, "You don't understand, this is about the voters, we'll put our ideas up against their ideas any day...the liberal voters...because their ideas do not win and cannot win. Kerry is just trying to cover his butt. He's where he is because of the women he's married..." Oh, oh, oh yeah!!!!!! Kerpow!

I'm having my daily frozen blueberry and soy protein shake. Irma just came in singing. I'm so going to miss her pretty voice and the sweet songs she sings. Today's is, "Nadie se muere por un amor que no le conviene." Which translates to; No one dies from an inconvenient love. Tres interessante n'est pas? Considering everyone is panicking because she's picking up and leaving for love. I swear I think that if you listen carefully to people when they're whistling or singing a little tune you can hear the voice of their subconscious.

Oh crap the first woman I'm interviewing today has just arrived. I can tell because all of the little dogs are yapping, they're like geese, or geese are like dogs, I'm not sure which. We've got appointments every twenty minutes for the rest of the day and I haven't even gulped down my pills, dressed or brushed my hair. One of these days I'm going to have to take a bath or a shower, don't you think? Forget even trying to read snail mail, check the telephone messages, answer e-mail or make calls. Thank God I went to the market last night and sex, well, it's just no wonder I'm waking up dreaming about other men. Thas right my man, you'd better get your beautiful body over here tonight or it'll be Rush and me all over again tomorrow. I can handle Rush but I will have to draw the line at Dr. Laura.