December 23rd, 2004


Christmas Busies, Thank You's, My Cards, My Ex, Holiday Stress, Britney Spears, Our Magazine Article

Hi Everybody,

Sorry I've been away for so long. I have been SWAMPED with Christmas doings, financial doings, and all kinds of other miscellaneous and sundry doings, yep. How are all of you? Are you swamped as well, or are you finally done with shopping, cleaning, decorating, cooking, planning, and preparing, etc.?

Thank you all so so soooooo much for your wonderful cards and gifts! I will thank all of you individually after the holidays, or maybe before if I get a chance. I hope to be able to. I am so grateful to all of you! I was so moved I cried. Seriously, coming home from the PO Box with all of these cards and little hand made things just made my holiday!

Although sadly there were a few cards that were unsigned, or that didn't include your Live Journal user names, so this is going to make it super hard for me to send you a card, or find you to thank you. I don't remember people here by their real life names -- mostly I know you by your journal names -- so when someone signs their card, "Love, Fufu," I tend to get confused because there may be five Fufus on my friend's list, or I only know you as WantonChristmasFaerieNipples or something wacqui like that.

I even get confused when people change their icons -- because I am so visual -- so imagine how hard it is for me to decipher cards that are dashed off in hard to decipher handwriting or that aren't even signed. Not that I'm complaining, I AM SO HAPPY TO GET ANYTHING AT ALL, (really, I am so grateful), it's just that I want to be able to return the favor by sending you my little collage/booklet/card thing, and thank you personally. I think what I'll do is post a list of people who sent cards that I think are from Live Journal, (as opposed to the many other groups I belong too, esp. Collage Cats and Burning Man), and you guys can comment and claim your names and cards, and then I'll be able to put the names with the journals, and adore you properly.

Meanwhile, I stayed up all night and finally finished my cards, well, at least the collage part of them. I made five 8x10 sized collages that I'll take to Kinko's, color copy on card stock, punch holes in, tie ribbons to, and finally send off to you. As always they'll be late, darn it, even though I promised myself I'd get them done in November. No amount of preplanning or determination on my part seems to make any difference at all in my getting things done in a speedier fashion, damnit...oh well : )

I have soooo many stories to tell you, and so much catching up to do, but my back is all tweaked out of shape from all of the shopping -- the carrying of so many heavy shopping bags to my car, all of the craft projects, the decorating and wrapping.

Tonight I took all of my friend Atra's presents, over to her house, and her two daughters opened their presents. The rest of the family will open their presents with me at their evening tea time tomorrow night. The girls were so sweet, they said, "Hurrah," and were so excited and cute. They sat on the floor and opened everything at the same time. I gave them the exact same things so they wouldn't feel hurt or jealous. It was such a blast and so much fun. I'm looking forward to giving everyone else their presents tomorrow, particularly Atra's mother who is so cute and easy to please. I got her tons of things including a little stuffed doggy who sings Christmas carols because like me, she's a little girl at heart and loves toys.

I've really been missing Scott. His having moved farther away is becoming a problem when it doesn't have to be. I'm hoping it's just because he's been super busy with work, then with his album, and the holiday shopping, poor lamby. He kindly took Beau shopping to buy presents for me tonight. Wasn't that sweet of him? Afterwards we hung out on my bed and I called and dealt with the fallout from my Mother's bank having put a hold on a whopping check that her secretary deposited. This wee little crisis caused fifty-five very big checks to bounce to everyone I do business with. I was just glad for his company and support because I'd been dreading facing this and I've only just started calling to apologize to everyone.

I spoke with my ex tonight and I can now say openly that I still love him, I will always love him, I still miss him...and he drives me mad, but I'll go into this some other time. Mostly he just makes me feel sad for him and for Beau and for what we all once had together as a family. I'll never understand how or why people come together and form families and then blast apart. It really hurts and I wish that instead of being almost strangers now, that instead we could be one of those super modern couples who remain friends; where everyone gets along afterwards and becomes a kind of weird extended family. I read somewhere that Hugh Grant and his ex, (I am so tired I can't think of her name right now; pretty brunette, Versace dresses cut up to here, had baby with billionaire who wouldn't admit to being the father even though they looked more alike than any father son I've ever seen... oh I've got it), Liz Hurley, are on such good terms that Hugh's supposed fiance, Jemmima Kahn, has invited her to be a bridesmaid at their wedding, and the same is supposed to be true for Liz's upcoming wedding. Who knows, but it does seem like the press spin on so many of these celebrity-couple-break-ups is that they manage to remain such good and still-loving friends afterwards. What a pity I couldn't make that happen for us -- too much hurt and broken emotional crockery.

In one of my last entries I wrote about a weird LJ thing that happened involving my ex, well, it turns out that he spoke with his latest and of course, super-young-girlfriend, (Will someone please tell me why so many men dump their long term partners for relationship after relationship with much younger women, making pretty much anyone over thirty-five feel like shit about aging, and completely ignoring the fact that as women age they become infinitely more fascinating and amazing?) about the whole situation that I'm about ready to tell you, (I just have to clear it with my friend first), and we're all on the same page and okay with everything. It's just weird, that's all, but with more and more people getting on line by the minute these things are bound to happen, especially when I pour out almost every detail of my life here for pretty much anyone to read.

Just to update anyone who's been following our Woman's-Day-magazine-home-decor-article-saga, I finally got two precious copies of the article and it's pretty good. I'll scan it in as soon as I find a free second here. The magazine is slated for February, I think, but should hit the stands in January. It's a Woman's Day supplemental issue called Budget Decor and we are not on the cover as promised, but we got a huge spread inside. You can't miss it, it has my name splashed all over it and talks about me as if I'm some major Hollywood celebrity -- which to me feels like a big joke, a big sad joke -- but I'll take all the free publicity for my non-existent-acting-and-decorating-careers that I can get, because what the heck, maybe I'll actually get out of this house and start making some money, for the things that I'm good at, one of these days.

Hey, I just realized something, my pal ana told me that this documentary we made for A&E years ago that never aired, actually did air, and was available for sale on Amazon. I bought two copies and never got them. I'll have to follow up on that. Also my friend Tracy who kindly included me in her collage card deck got it published in Somerset Studios a few months ago and they featured my card, (the one I wasn't that pleased with), in the article. I contacted them and ordered copies but didn't receive them either. I swear, everything, and I do mean everything, seems to require follow up calls and letters these days. I don't do anything any more without getting a person's name because nothing seems to move as smoothly as it used to and when it screws up the first thing they ask you is, "Well, Mam, did you get the person's name?" I never had to before, I just trusted everyone. Now I take notes, copious notes because it seems like nine out of ten times when someone says they'll handle or follow up on something, they won't. Maybe I need to reframe this or release this in some way so it won't be real for me. Maybe I'm creating this by believing in it, who knows.

The holiday traffic and just the stress of trying to get around this city right now has been insane. People honk and flip each other off and the other day this woman in a furniture store was so mean to me that I walked out and didn't buy the sofa and chair that I had been planning on buying. Everyone seems to be out there buying presents at the last second. Beau and I could swear we saw and spoke to Britney Spears the night before last at Bloomingdales. We were dealing with this credit card drama in customer service which just happens to be where people go to get their gifts wrapped. There was a cute young brunette girl right in front of us picking up about twenty wrapped presents. She was forcing a tip on the woman who worked there who kept trying to give it back to her because she can get fired for taking it, but the young woman refused to listen to her and they kind of struggled over this until the woman just kind of grabbed her pants and shoved the money in her pocket.

She had so many wrapped packages she could barely carry them, and as this familiar looking young brunette girl walked past me I said, "You crazy girl, you're gonna hurt your back." That's when I got a better look at her face, (because she stopped right in front of me), and thought, "Oh wow, it's Britney Spears." She was really friendly and nice and stopped to chat about nothing in particular, just how much we all had to get done before Christmas, how crazy everyone was acting and how crowded it was.

She had a slightly Southern accent, which is what really convinced me, and then she said good-bye and went over to the elevator. Beau followed her and peeked at her from around the corner, then came back and said he thought it was her. He used to have the BIGGEST crush on her. There was a time when if you wanted to make him happy all you had to do was give him anything with her picture on it. His whole room was covered with her posters and stickers, and then when she grew up a bit, he grew out of liking her.

Beau and I haven't seen snow in years, maybe six or seven or more, and I promised him I would take him somewhere cold and snowy this season. Ideally we'd go see Irma and her family in Boston but that's going to be hard to swing with so little time left before he has to go back to school. If everything works out we may go visit our friend Phil in Meadow Vista and then go to Lake Tahoe or Reno and stay in a hotel for New Year's. I haven't even spoken to Scott about this yet so he'll probably freak out when he reads this, or maybe not. I'm hoping he'll fly up and meet us for a better than most New Year's Eve. God, maybe I won't even be able to get reservations anywhere...

Oh I wish I had the energy to stay and write more, so many stories to tell, and I'm dying to run around and see what all of you are doing but it'll have to wait because I am fading like a hot house flower here. My head is hanging and I am completely slumped over -- leaning to the right here. Oh God and I have eBay auctions to deal with, ack.

Okay I'm going, I swear I'm going. I scanned my holiday collages so I can share them with you because even though you'll be getting them super late, I thought I could at least show them to you before Christmas. And for all of you who celebrate any other holiday please don't let all the Christmassy doings here on my journal get you down. I can't help it, I just love being Santa. On a deep level I get the spiritual significance of this holiday, but I truly don't think this is what most of us are trying to foist on people from different cultures and religious backgrounds, as we pass out red and green packages, sing songs, and decorate our trees, (it's a bizarre mixed up mishmash of holidays anyway,) I think that it's kind of morphed into this one time out of the year when we allow ourselves to really let go and give freely, and I just wish that didn't alienate or offend people, or make them run away to Hawaii. And if they are going to run away to Hawaii, the least they can do is take me along with them. I would rather be in Hawaii any day of the year than here. Oh Hawaii, beloved Hawaii, great big enormous I-Miss-Beautiful-Hawaii sighs.

Oh God and just one more thing, remember when I told you that they shot Spanglish outside my Mom's house and paid her a small fortune to include her house and driveway? I went to see the movie and our house didn't make the final cut, kind of like me in so many of the things I've done, but the street where I spent a big part of my life did. So when you see all of those people jogging or walking up and down that street, you can think of me because I grew up there, and the house where the film was shot belonged to friends of mine who I used to play with, so the whole thing -- the getting close to housekeepers and CO-mothering their children, (although in my case, with their mom's blessings), the getting them enrolled in your own kid's schools, and the whole Malibu summer rental, and living on Stone Canyon thing -- seems like it was lifted straight out of my life.

Okay I'm done for the night, I swear. Good luck getting it all done if you celebrate Christmas and big happy wintery hugs for the rest of you.

Love you guys,

PS: All of these images came off of some terrific compilation CDs that I bought on eBay from vintage_bella!

Oh and PPS: This is one of the sweetest Flash animated Christmas cards I've seen, I'm assuming it's Flash, it's just so sweet and complex.