May 26th, 2007


Belated Happy Birthdays, We Have a Baby Crow, and Rosie and Elizabeth on The View

Hi Everybody,

Everyone here, (children, cats, kittens, dogs, birds, rats, fish, the assorted sugar glider), sends their love. Usually I begin entries by apologizing for having been out of touch for so long, and this is no different. I am sorry I've been out of touch for so long. It's the usual; stress, health issues, worries about money, parenting, my Mom, animal care concerns, etc. But I have to admit something to you, while I have been feeling pretty rotten here while waiting for the results of the biopsies taken from my stomach and colon, and even though I am still anemic and rarely have the energy to leave, if I've got enough energy to watch TV I'm sure I could have made some time to log in and catch up, but no, this is what I've really been doing; I've been having an affair. Yes, I've been cheating on you with...Flickr.

I can't help it, it's just so much fun. It's a visual paradise, eye candy in the extreme, and there are so many super cool and creative people there who are taking photographs and making art that blows my mind.

I got an account a long time ago but since I have my own site where I can upload images, plus I had several other places where I was stashing things, I just didn't feel I needed to make the time to figure it all out. I do this with a lot of things, which sucks, seriously, because time ticks on, and I still haven't learned how to use Adobe Photoshop, I still haven't learned how to play the guitar, I still don't have my headshots ready to go, I still don't have an agent, and on it goes.

But this Flickr thing is really sucking up my time. I don't know what happened, how I ended up there, but somehow I ended up falling in love. I'm adding people right and left. I'm slowly uploading pictures. I eeked out a little room on a crappy little Capital One credit card to buy a new scanner, took out more credit from Dell in order to get a bigger hard drive because suddenly 100 MB just isn't enough to hold all of my pictures and files, and I'm going to try to sort through and scan my artwork and put it all up there. So far I've just been putting up pictures of cats and my house, the trip to Mexico, and a few shots of my Blythe dollies, but it won't be long before I add family photos, Mom and Granny's dress collection, vintage postcards, flea market finds, my nature shots taken during walks around my neighborhood, Halloween, you name it. I wonder how long this new fascination will last.

One of the few things that I was happy to have been able to keep up with here, (Until around about last October -- I think), was to make little digital birthday comment cards with photos including that week's astrology and posting them on each of my Live Journal friend's journals. Sometimes I'd fall way behind but I always managed to catch up. But I fell behind starting last October and I feel bad about it, bad and sad because I really love you guys and it seems like the least I could do. Anyway, I'm going to try to get back to doing it again. But sadly there's just no way I'm going to be able to go back through my friend's list and make it up individually to everyone, so I made a belated birthday card for all of you, I'm posting it here, and I hope you'll forgive me?

Tinted Belated Birthday Photo LJ Pals

I honestly haven't been getting out much lately. I just haven't felt right since these stupid tests I had last week. So I've been trying to go out and do a few errands, take walks around the neighborhood, take shots to edit and play with on Flickr, and keep up with everything for Beau, the animals, and my house. Scott comes over at night. I'm slowly trying to regain my energy and get well.

Today I went over to Atra's, (My friend who lives down the street), to help her in her continuing efforts to get the licensing she needs to set up a child care center in her home. She needed me to make some phone calls and help her answer some questions she was confused about.

Afterwards I was dreading having to go to the pet store to pick up the pounds and pounds of cat litter we always need. It's too heavy for me to lift, and I'm still too anemic and weak to drive around and do too much by myself. It makes me feel kind of sad and helpless because I still don't know what's going on with me. I would have asked Esther to go with me but there was sooo much cleaning up that needed doing here at home and Beau was expecting, six, count them, six teenage pals to come over to hang out with him, so she needed to stay here.

At Atra's I really didn't know how I was going to find the energy to keep making phone calls and socialize let alone walk to the car and drive anywhere but I simply had to. I can't let the kitties down, and keeping things as clean and healthy as possible here is important to me. So I got in the car and drove around the block where I ran into Beau who was skateboarding with one of his friends.

The kids had been looking for me. They told me they'd found a baby crow and wanted me to come and help. A baby crow? A fledgling? Are you kidding me? Do you know how much I love our flock of crows? I'm nuts for them. I've been trying to bond with them for years. I put food out for them. I caw at them. I take their pictures. I LOVE crows!

I got out of my car and walked over a couple of houses and there was this adorable baby crow hopping around on the sidewalk, inches away from our busy street. He or she doesn't have more than the stubbiest of tails so there's no way he's going to be able to fly soon enough to avoid being hit by a car, eaten by a dog, cat, or one of the many coyotes we have running around the neighborhood right now. All he could do was hop and kind of waddle around. His poor parents were trying to help him by calling out to him, but he needed rescuing so I caught him and brought him home.

Normally with wild animals, baby wild animals, unless they are injured, the best thing to do is nothing. Crows generally leave their nests when they are ready and spend a couple of days hopping around exercising their wings while their parents fly back and forth feeding and watching over them. But this little guy is too small, there is no way on earth I could reach his nest to put him back, and he just isn't going to make it out there with the cars and the coyotes. It was a real wrench for me because either way he's going to suffer. If I bring him home he'll imprint on me and it'll be nearly impossible to release him again, if I leave him out he could be dead by morning. All I could do was listen to my instinct and hope it wasn't my selfish heart calling out to me instead.

Right now he's moved into my shower along with our other rescued bird and he's kind of moving around and figuring things out. I called the best bird vet I know who referred me to a wildlife rehabilitator and I think I've got it under control for now. I've been feeding him a high protein diet every three hours. He's so adorable, he opens his beak for me to feed him, and it's all pink and cute inside. I spill a lot of food, he spills a lot of food, we're getting used to this, we'll get it down. But in the meantime I have a real live baby darling crow living here in my home. I'll see what I can do about getting him strong and independent enough to return him to his flock when he's able.

I almost rescued a duck today as well. I was driving home from the pet store when I saw this small duck walking around and nibbling on grass on the parkway across from the golf course next to busy Montana Avenue. I pulled over immediately, put my flashers on and spent about an hour trying to corner and catch her without scaring her out into the street where she would definitely have been run over by the fast moving traffic.

My best guess is that she came from a small lake or pond on the golf course and I was so hoping I could catch and then release her back on the grounds, but there was just no doing it. A Japanese couple came by and watched me for a while. They were as baffled as I was about how to try to rescue this duck without endangering her any further. Finally they walked away and then eventually I had to throw in the towel. It was getting dark and there just wasn't anything I could do. Animal control won't come out that late and I couldn't think of anyone to call. I felt so bad leaving her there and all I could hope was that she would remember how to get back safely to wherever she had come from.

Like a lot of people I used my DVR to record the American Idol finale and was sorry to have missed the ending. I ended up doing the same damned thing with Lost. I recorded the one hour recap and missed the actual finale. But I did catch the Rosie/Elizabeth fight on The View, wrote about how I felt about it immediately afterwards, and then accidentally erased it. Basically the whole thing made me feel really sad and upset.

I hate it when people fight, and this felt so real to me. I was sitting here with my mouth open and my heart in my throat because I couldn't believe they went so far over the line. I felt like a little kid watching her big sisters get into a really bad fight. I actually looked around the room for someone to talk to about this but the cats sure didn't care.

I record the show every day and have been pretty invested in it, especially since Rosie came on. Barbara Walters is like my fantasy Mom. She even has an adopted daughter who has the same name as I do. Joy feels like my funny big sister. Rosie feels like the best friend I never had, and Elizabeth, well she's like the clueless little sister who you just know is going to grow out of some of her convictions and intolerance in time. I had actually thought she was making some progress.

Usually I watch the hot topics segment and then fast forward through all of the rest, unless I'm in love with the guests. I really enjoy watching these gals sitting around chatting about all of the things we're all thinking about. I know I can count on them to dish whatever the latest current events are, whatever the latest thing that's on all of our collective media fed minds, and because of this they feel like friends to me, TV friends. Water cooler buds.

Plus, you can say what you want about her, but I've really been loving Rosie. She adds so much to the show. I don't think it's possible to overstate how important having her moderate a show like this has been in advancing us socially. Can you think of another media forum this broad based where one of the main hosts regularly talks about the love she feels for her lesbian partner and their adopted children -- the life they lead together? I can't. I think it's been ground breaking. Kudos to Barbara Walters for hiring her.

I believe strongly in gay marriage. As an adopted person, the daughter of a rapist, I believe strongly in adoption. As an overweight woman I know first hand how painful it is to suffer the outright hatred and hostility that has been directed towards me by strangers I have to face when I'm out in the world. I hate racism, bigotry, homophobia, intolerance, and most of all I hate war. I'm a pacifist but I don't hate our men and women in the armed forces. I'm capable of making that distinction.

I've also had a crush on Barbra Streisand since I was about eight or nine years old and I'm an actor who appreciates what Rosie is doing for the theatre. So I have loved that she is out there talking about these things when just a few years ago Ellen was tossed out on her butt for coming out on her show. Things are changing, and they're changing for the better. The more she puts herself on the line, puts herself out there to be publicly ridiculed for being overweight, gay, and outspoken, the more we move forward. So I'm really sad that she's leaving.

Yes, she's brusque and blunt and outspoken, maybe she doesn't have the most refined style, but look how much good she does just by being herself. She talks about things that really matter to me. She takes risks. And she isn't just one more cookie cutter unrealistically thin blonde Barbie doll being shoved down my choking throat. I certainly relate more to her than to Elizabeth, even though I've been trying to like Elizabeth despite our serious differences of opinions on political issues.

The thing is that I'm an emotional person, a very emotional person, and when I get hurt, really hurt, I think I argue from a passionate place of feelings and people don't like this, they aren't accustomed to it, we're supposed to be detached and dispassionate. But real life is messy and sometimes I like messy. When it comes to arguing I'm smart and logical but like most uber sensitive people I can get caught up in the feelings and it's hard to let go of the hurt. I think that pretty much describes the way Rosie handled her end of the argument. Elizabeth on the other hand can be mean and sharp when she is put on the defensive and I seriously dislike the way she handled her end of the argument.

I think Rosie was dead on accurate when she said that this whole thing would be spun like the big fat lesbian had attacked the poor little innocent Christian girl. I've gotta tell you I would rather be the big fat lesbian over the scary high strung Republican gal who wouldn't defend someone she has been calling a friend since September any day. I just wish Rosie would ride out the last few weeks of her contract, because I'm really going to miss her.

Fin, finally.