June 13th, 2007

Chalkboard

Scott and I Almost Broke Up, I Freaked Out, and Our Therapist Melted Down

Hi Everybody,

I haven't been able to post any entries for over a week because Scott and I have been going through some really serious and intense relationship issues. Believe me I have wanted to. And this on top of everything else; my slowly healing, recently bleeding stomach, the pain from not being able to take the one medication that makes it possible for me to move semi-freely without pain, (The bone on bone grinding in my knees, the fibromyalgia, the burning of my bladder, etc.), -- because it exacerbates the chance of my having another abdominal hemorrhage -- and my Mother's having gone back on an extremely important financial commitment she made to me when I was so sick in Mexico, because she has conveniently forgotten having made it.

The fact that she did this in front of her housekeeper and grandson means nothing to her, "So what! Alright so I may have said I'd help you out for a few months until you're feeling better. I changed my mind. I can change my mind if I want to." The tremendous relief I felt upon my return at having this fair amount of extra financial help was simply incredible, and I just know I was beginning to heal because of it, but this only lasted for a few weeks, maybe less, and then, as always, she changed her mind. I should be used to this by now, I really should. I love her no matter what, but it still hurts and is so frustrating. I'm now more stressed about how I'm going to make ends meet than ever.

Then, just as I was trying to adjust to this, and on a day when I had worked so hard to run around and do everything I could while withstanding so much pain, (I had stopped taking Celebrex and everything, I mean EVERYTHING, was hurting), when I felt like I was being so generous, helpful, good, and forthright, wham, Scott came over and dropped a bomb that has pretty much rocked my world to it's very center.Collapse )