2002-02-03 04:38 (from 22.214.171.124) (link)
I am sitting here just heartbroken for you! I don't know how you do it. . . I just know losing Chuckie after 17 years was so heartbreaking for me and still is. I know you love all your cats and take the most loving care of them - so I don't think it is anything you are doing that is causing them to die.
You are in my prayers,
2002-02-03 11:35 (from 126.96.36.199) (link)
Thanks Buddy, I think it's a combination of things, the older cats will naturally have health issues and a higher risk of dying, then there is this whole line of cats who are too inbred and have kidney and heart disease, these are the ones I got from Gia, and Gelato, my beautiful oriental who died last fall, was from another line of cats who I just learned were getting ill so their breeder gave them all away and started over again. Then there is whatever fault I bear in this and I'm not sure what this is yet, having too many cats, not being able to pay enough attention to them, there being some kind of weird virus flu thing that's going around? I don't know. I'm just so damned tired of it, sick and very tired.
Scott came over for a while last night but he wasn't feeling well and wasn't the best company, I so needed comforting and I think he doesn't really know how to do that, you know, to sit with someone who is grieving? There's an art to it, being a comfort and a companion without wanting the person to do or be anything other than how they are, not cajoling them, or pulling on them for attention, just being loving and supportive. I know he tried in his own way and I'm grateful but he gets bored and uncomfortable easily and he wasn't feeling well. Finally I resorted to chemical means of survival and took one of my last two Vicodin, (God I wish I could get some of these on "the black market" like Gia does, or find a doctor who would trust that I could have a small amount around for emergencies, I made this last little prescription of eight or so last for about a year. I had one more prescription from my dentist that I never filled but the wallet thieves got that, sigh, and half of a Klonopin. This zonked me out enough that I could stop crying and just space out on the TV. I loved this cat so much. He was so amazing, you would have to have met him to know. He liked to rub and rub his head all over you, and he would lick you as much as you would let him, and he loved to talk and talk. I'm looking for a good picture to put up but I can't find any, I think Cyd might have a copy of the Tick and Bluebell thing I made years ago but I don't want to bother her to ask. I'm hoping Scott will have one.
I feel hung over and sad. Hopefully I can get it together to take the kids to the Getty like I promised. Eduardo and Freddy and a friend of Freddy's are all here. Today si the last day of Devices of Wonder so we have to go. We made reservations but I don't think you need them. Oh blah, I don't feel like writing.
Thanks for caring,