Me: Oh hi Saida, I thought you were outside.
Saida: (Dully) Oh, should I pick up the kids now?
Me: What happened with the camera?
Saida: Oh I couldn't find it.
Me: Why didn't you let me know?
Saida: Well, I looked around for it and couldn't find it.
Me: Did you look in the car?
Saida: The car?
Me: Yes, Saida, the car. I asked you to please look in the car.
Saida: Oh, I didn't look there.
Me: Okay forget the camera. I'm feeling really queasy, and I need some food, will you please make me some soup, and then go for the kids?
Saida: I'll make you some soup and then look in the car.
Me: No Saida, please forget about the camera, just get me some soup and pick up the kids please?
Saida: Okay I'll get you some soup.
Ten minutes later she shows up with the camera.
Writing about this makes me feel like such a bitch. I'm very aware that I'm lucky to even be in this position. I know how minor my little housekeeper problem is compared to some of the unbelievably challenging things people are going through, but I'm really dependant on whoever I hire and I neeeed the help. I'm not in the world's best shape, and I can't possibly take care of everything by myself.
Maybe I'm just feeling kind of defeated and blue because I'm so sick. I have strep throat and I really should be in bed. Also it's extra upsetting because I know I should let her go and get someone much more capable, but I'm trapped by my desire to help her out. She's in a really bad position right now financially, and she has a son who is depending on her. If I let her go, she would lose the house she just moved in to. Just the other day she was saying, "All a person really needs is their health and a job. I was so depressed when I was sick last week I felt like I was all alone in the world with noone to help me or love me. But now that I'm well everything looks better and I thank God for this job and my health" Oh maaaaaaan.