Jacqui (jacqui) wrote,

Landmark Forum, Mom's Cancer, Dad At the Beach

Oh man what have I gotten myself into? My dear old friend Durga has been more involved with The Forum lately and has been trying to get me to come, and out of love for her I signed up. Ack. I've been successfully avoiding this for twenty years. I'm telling you, only a tremendous amount of love for a dear friend would get me up this early in the morning for four days in a row. I'm on hold right now because their "fulfillment manager" wants to talk to me about the fact that I take psychiatric medications (Ritalin and Effexor.) Maybe they just want to make sure I'm not gonna whip out a machete during one of their weekend courses. Don't worry I won't start trying to get you to sign up for it for at least a few months, heh.

I went with Mom to her oncologist for her first visit since her lung cancer surgery and the news is so good it's hard to believe. They feel confident that they got it all, and if the carcinoid tumor in her lymph node has spread, the cells are so teenie tiny that it would be anywhere from five to ten years before they could grow enough to cause any trouble. So she doesn't have to have chemo or radiation therapy. We are both so happy and relieved. I have to think of something wonderful to do for her to celebrate.

This has been such a wonderful process. I mean I know it's been scary and overwhelming and challenging but it's brought us closer, and it's shown me what a terrific, brave, positive, strong person my Mother is. Some of her personality traits that have made having a close relationship with her particularly challenging, are the very ones that made all of this so much easier than it could have been. It's also helped me face my lifelong fear of cancer, and helped me feel grateful and close to so many people in our lives. I hope it's helped Mom in some ways, but I don't really know how yet. I'm guessing she must be relieved and grateful, but mostly she just wants to get a face or neck lift.

With respect for my alcoholic friends, after we got the news from Mom's oncologist, I said, "Mom we should go out and get smashed," but the funny thing is, I don't drink, and she isn't her same lushy, booze-drinking self anymore, although she does have the occasional vodka tonic, and a bloody mary when she plays bridge on Sundays. I have to think of something terrific and fun to do to celebrate. I'll send her my favorite arrangement, The Green Dream, from The Woods tomorrow. I could send her some more balloons, but I already did that. Hmmm. Oh well, I'll think of something.

Thank you Mary for your generosity, for your openness and for being such a loving example for all of us> Mom's oncologist read your article and really liked it. Thank you to all of my Live Journal friends, known and unknown, who prayed, lit candles and sent good thoughts our way, thank you to the dear Sisters of the Sacred Heart of Mary for praying and having a mass said for Mom, and thank you God/Goddess/Mary (who my friend Mary calls BVM which I thought meant Big Virgin Mary but is really Blessed Virgin Mary)/Jesus/Holy-Spirit/Angeles/Saints/and Mother Nature.

PS: My shower bunny, the little guy living in my shower until he's well enough to go back to his hutch, bit me yesterday. Three good rabbity munches right in a row on my hand, bam, bam, bam. Ouch, rabbits have sharp teeth! He was trying to show me how big, scary, and tough he was, so I'd stop treating his wound. Didn't work, because after I got over the shock, I kissed him. Ha ha ha. Then today two of the baby bunnies peed on me.

PPS: Little Sydsu is still hiding under the bed, but he came out for a little bit at around six this morning. I was able to bribe him a bit with a piece of string cheese.

PPPS: My Dad showed up in my dreams last night. I take it seriously when he shows up because I think he's really there trying to interact with me. He was sitting at a table under an umbrella at The Beach Club. He was dressed in white and I was so happy to see him. His energy was so much lighter, happier, and more approving of me than in life. I felt so much love from and for him. Then two amazing, huge, powerful waves came and swept so many people away. I was hysterical trying to find Beau. Jennifer Aniston, Brad Pitt, and the cast of Friends were there as well.

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