Jacqui (jacqui) wrote,

Rats and Rabbits, Boys Without Dads, and Forgiveness

The rats are taking over. I love them so much, I like their little ratty sounds, the way they eeep about outside my bathroom window, twirling about, arguing over this and that. But they are so desperate and they breed so quickly. Not my indoor pet rescue rats but the wild outdoor rats, although really what's the difference? They're all living beings and deserve respect and kindness. I just don't know what to do about them.

I don't mind as much when they destroy my things in the garage. I mean I'm not happy about it but I won't kill them for it. But last night they broke in to one of the bunny hutches in the patio and mauled the baby bunnies. Poor bunnies, we are taking them to the hospital in a few minutes. I think the rats are so hungry that they come to the bunny hutches to steal what food they can find that has fallen out. I want to leave bowls of food and water out for them, but everyone says I shouldn't do that. I don't know what to do. I hired a company to come out and live trap and release them but they've flaked on me twice now. I have to find someone else, but who can I trust, most of the rodent companies just want to kill them?

I don't want the rats, and I don't want the bunnies. It's too much for me with the cats and everything else. Poor animals life is so hard for them. I'll just have to do my best by all of these little people until I can work out some kind of humane solution. Blah.

My overindulged Beau-Monkey talked me in to buying him a remote gas-powered nitro car. He's having trouble getting it going. He just walked in to my office and said, "Mom, we got it started but we can't turn it off." It reeks of gas. I can't figure out how to turn the darned thing off so I told him to take it outside, put it up on a brick, and just let it run out. I'm hoping his Dad will take him to the hobby shop tomorrow and help him with this. That'd give them something to do together.

Right now Beau's playing with his friend Eduardo, who we were surprised to see, because he rarely comes over any more. He's five years older than Beau so he's into different things now, sports, young women, and school things. When he was little he was here all the time and they were the best of friends.

Eduardo is Esther's son and I'm his adopted aunt. When Esther first started working for us Duar was just six and Beau was one. I needed someone who could live in, to help me with Beau and all of the animals, but I didn't want someone with a young child, because I didn't want to be responsible for separating them while she was here. Not to be a Dr. Laura but I can't stand the idea of children being separated from their parents. Esther lied and said she didn't have any kids. When I found out about Eduardo there was no way I could let the poor little guy stay at home without his Mom, so he moved in with us too.

Robby, my ex, (who as a Mexican-American, is only three generations away from the border himself), is a snob and a racist. He looked down on them and refused to get close. He's never liked Eduardo. I don't know why because he's such a good kid and capable of so much if he just had a little encouragement and love from a man. He thrives under the care of his coaches at school. He's amazing in that way, he's always the team captain of whatever sport he participates in, and he participates in all of them. It was so sad when he was little, before Esther got together with Hugo, (who is certainly a poor excuse for a father figure, raging alcoholic that he is), because here was this little boy, without a daddy and desperate for a father figure, and Robby wouldn't lift a finger for him. Bastard. Sorry I don't know when all of my resentments towards him will ever be transformed in to forgiveness, understanding, and peace. It's a goal of mine, a long term goal. First he has to be semi-decent to us for a while, and then I'll find my way into the land of peace love and understanding. I'm just standing at the doorway peeking in for now.

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