Jacqui (jacqui) wrote,

Lesbians, Healing Bunnies, Watching Award Shows, and Being an Actor

I love this picture. I thought I'd put it up for my girls-who-like-girls friends. Snag it now though because the auction ends tomorrow I think. I love lesbians, I wish I had more gay girlfriends. I wish I had more gay friends. There was a really good show on the other night that I watched with Beau, Common Ground, it was written by Harvey Fierstein, Terrence McNally, and Paula Vogel. It was about the lives of three generations of gay and lesbian people living in a small town and the changing attitudes of the people around them. It was super moving and good for people to see. Although nothing on this subject has moved me as much as the piece with Vanessa Redgrave in If These Walls Could Talk 2, where her life partner has died and the in-laws come in and cut her out of everything, her home, her possessions, her mementos.

Big sigh, I'm trying so hard to get caught up here. There's always so much to do. We have three new sick buddies to take care of, the one's that we think were attacked by rats. They need so much work, antibiotics, eye compresses and drops and we don't even know if we'll be able to get them to suckle of their mama rabbit again. So far they've had to be intubated in the hospital for feedings, poor little bunny people. I'm happy they made it so far because really I just thought the vet would put them to sleep. Wish us luck, we're going to reintroduce them to Mom and watch them very carefully, and if that doesn't work, we may be in trouble.

Oh God, the money, why does everything revolve around money? I have got to find a creative, sufferable way to earn some money. I just can't go back to working for stupid people anymore, it was too miserable. I keep hoping I can snap my fingers, lose fifty or sixty pounds overnight, find a terrific agent, get new pictures that are dynamic and attention grabbing, and somehow find the energy to get back out there again.

Watching awards shows like the Emmys, the Oscars, and the Tonys, is such a mixed bag for me. On the one hand it's fun to celebrate the shows that I've loved and that have played a part in educating and entertaining me for the past year. It's fun to watch people win and to be happy for them, but there is a big part of me that longs to be there, and as time wears on it's becoming more and more painful to be on the outside looking in. I'm proud of the little I've accomplished so far. I've got my SAG card and that was such a big deal to me for so long. I had an agent, I went out on a lot of auditions. I got a guest starring role on a major television show. I was in a movie of the week. I was in a couple of movies and commercials, and I had a big part in a pilot. I was in an award winning play at a prestigious theatre. I have great training. I met and worked with some very important people in theatre and film. All of these things are worth celebrating, but it's in the past, it's getting stale, and I miss working so much. This house and my health have become such a trap and a rut and I want so badly to move through all of this and get to the other side, argh.

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