Truthfully I can't tell if I want her or I want her life. Sexually, despite my lack of any real girl on girl experience, well, other than one drunk kiss to make my jerky-ex jealous for hitting on her, I think I fit somewhere in the middle of the sexual continuum. I bet a lot of us do if we were honest with ourselves. I think it's natural and human to be attracted to both sexes or one or the other.
Okay, well I'm off to meet with my Mom's secretary who called me drunk again the other night. I think she just gets into the wine and who can blame her, things have been really tough for her these days. Oh God so many stories but I have to go...
Mom is doing better, they took her stomach pump out. It was really hard to watch. She would ask me to feed her ice and then the ice would come right back up through this tube that was threaded through her nose. Her room mate has cancer and is the sweetest most positive bee on the planet. I have to remember to take her some lip balm, (because her lips were chapped), when I go visit today.
I'm sorry my journal tends to be such a drama-fest. I get super busy and then I find I only make time to write the big stuff in here. I owe so many of you visits and hugs and comments and I do care so much about you. It makes me so sad when people drop off my friend's list but I totally understand. I just can't find the time to be the kind of pal here that you deserve me to be. I keep trying but it just doesn't ever seem to happen. I wonder if other people have this same problem. The best I seem to be able to do is to be able to respond to people's comments in my journal, and even that has been hard to do lately. Maybe I should just cut myself some slack. At least I'm making the time to semi-journal-document my life.
Scott and I had a nice sensual, or is it sensuous, (I know that one of them applies to vegetables but I can never remember which), I think it's sensuous, bath last night. I put a huge fairy jasmine, bath-fizzing-ball from Lush Canada in the tub and it smelled so good and was full of glitter. Perfect for me, super girly, sparkly and pretty, but not so good for Scott because it irritated his eyes, poor love man. I gave him a neck, chest, and shoulder massage with a love bomb and then I gave him his azuki bean facial massage. He is the more giving of touch in our relationship so it felt good to be able to give back a bit.
I had the weirdest dreams last night. I woke up so aroused. I went to my ex-in-laws house and they were being kind to me which was surprising. I felt uncomfortable and a little afraid to be there. My ex-step-mother-in-law was showing me her bathroom. She had the most amazing bathtub set up. She had three of them and they were huge, one had a long water slide, and the other two were more like little ponds. Later I went around some corner and made friends with an Asian prince and princess of some kind but they were taken away for some reason. Then when I was poking around in their bathroom I found all kinds of fun sex toys, and was trying to take them home with me without anyone noticing.