With all of my Catholic indoctrination, and the fact that I really truly loved him for most of my adult life, it is very hard to reason with myself and get this done, let alone, having to come up against his laziness and stall tactics and my useless greedy attorney. My mind wants this over with, but even though I am no longer in love with him, and I know he is absolutely not right for me, it's still super hard to do. I thought we would grow old together. He was my whole world for so long. Knowing now in retrospect that he wasn't remotely good enough for me, doesn't make it any easier. Loving Scott doesn't make it any easier. It just hurts.
I really think there is a part of him that hopes I'll die so he can come and live in my house and take over. I need to get all of this settled before my surgery in March because if anything does happen to me I want it all to work out for the good of Beau and Scott and the cats. Not for the good of my ex who treated me like shit for years and years, and his family, or more specifically his mother, who hates me. It would kill my parents if everything they worked for all their lives wound up somehow going to him.