I'm watching Surprise By Design while I try to get through some e-mail.
I went to the doctor yesterday and am so glad it's over with. I can never tell if my doctor likes me or even cares about me or not, and it makes me want to find another doctor, but the problem is that it isn't a terrific idea to switch to a brand new doctor right before a major surgery, so I'm going to stick with her and see how it goes. Yesterday she seemed so grumpy and she even said something hurtful about the surgeons needing to have a good follow up program after the surgery because they shouldn't get paid thousands of dollars and then end up dumping the patients back on their regular doctors right after surgery. I almost started crying. But then at the end of the visit she did something totally out of character for her and startled me by hugging and kissing me, which turned everything around for me. Funny how such a simple gesture can make you feel so much better.
I've only lost eight pounds and I need to lose a total of twenty by March 10. Oh man. I think the plan is going to be that I will up the exercise and water and decrease the portions and stop eating after seven thirty. I'm also going to skip a meal and Slim Fast shake it instead.
As frightened as I am of having this surgery, the closer I get to the date, the more certain I feel of my decision.
So what is with all of the reality couple shows ending so nicely lately? I wanted Trista to pick Ryan over Charlie. I was rooting for him from the start and hee hee I was right. I want to na na nee na nee my neighbor who was convinced she would pick Charlie. I am all for picking the romantic over the realistic any day, weeeee.
More complicated lesbian sex power dreams again last night. I'll put them in italics so you can skip over them if you don't have the time or inclination to read through them.
One of the dreams was about a cruise ship. I feel off the boat, swam around the side and climbed back on. That seems pretty symbolic don't you think? Later I dreamt that I had bought an enormous farm/community like place that had fallen on hard times. The nuns from my high school had a convent there and were allowing me to hang out at their house with them. They were wearing normal people clothes, (as opposed to nun clothes, conservative suits and shoes), shorts and tee-shirts, and I remember feeling privileged that they trusted me enough to be themselves in front of me. Sister Colette, my high school principal was there and she was showing me things that she had bought at an estate sale. Beautiful French porcelain pieces in shades of rose and pink, little white Victorian baby dresses, bits of glass in shades of green and pink. I was jealous and wanted all of them.
After I left the nuns I went to my animal house -- a place where I kept all of my pets -- and I could see that it had been let go a bit. There were baby animals everywhere and other animals had moved in. There were baby turkeys and chickens and lizards and bats. I was afraid of the bats because they were sick and dying. I wanted to help this baby bat but the live bats started trying to attack me.
I was trying to herd all of the animals into one part of the house, and away from this atrium part. When I got inside the house I had to pee so I went looking for a toilet and realized that the one in the guest bathroom had never been used and was sort of sitting separate from the hole in the ground that led to the sewer. It had never been connected properly. Gwyneth Paltrow was there with me. She flushed the toilet before I could stop her and all of a sudden the water from the sewer started filling this hole and then backing up into the house. I was panicked trying to save all of the animals from drowning in the rising waters. There were little cages everywhere with birds, hamsters, rats, lizards, and all kinds of small animals that needed saving.
Outside I found stalls filled with barn animals that were standing in mud and who hadn't been fed or given water. I was so upset for them and angry. Later I organized all of the people who were standing around and got everyone to agree to work together and for free for a while until we could get everything running smoothly again. I rallied all of the people at the post office and the restaurants and shops and things really picked up. In the end we were this thriving successful community and I was a hero. We were putting on a play and inviting people to come see it.
Still later I was shopping for something to wear with Gwyneth and some models and celebrities to some party thing. I was trying to find something that would fit in this long rack of clothes. Somehow I wound up making out with this beautiful wealthy woman who was the owner of a major cosmetics firm. She was giving me the latest lipstick shades and perfumes to try on. We were in a dressing room and having very detailed sex. I remember not wanting to be caught and she couldn't afford the scandal, then someone walked in on us and I had to go out and clean it all up so she could sneak away without being seen.
I've been a bit worried to write another gay dream down because I don't want to frighten my Scotti, but he knows me so well that it shouldn't worry him. He's so wonderful, really, and completely understanding and supportive of me. He gave me the loveliest Valentine card. He used to suck at gift giving and now he is so much kinder and more considerate. Makes me swoon.
Why look this says it's a picture of McKinley the largest domestic cat, now I wonder why I can relate to that?
This butterfly woman has the prettiest wings, I love the way it's colored. I love rainbows and of course rainbows make me long for Hawaii, sigh.
Isn't this the cutest kitty? I may be temporarily poor but I can always find an extra nine dollars for a cute vintage kitty card.