Jacqui (jacqui) wrote,

I recently went to the Mormon temple to do some more research about an accidental death by drowning that my Father may have been involved in, in the thirties. The woman who helped me was so pretty and graceful. She and the other young women there called eachother Sister this and Sister that. She was doing her mission. She asked me if I wouldn't mind filling out a little card, so I did, argh. Now I have Mormons coming by my house trying to recruit me. What was I thinking? They seem like lovely people but they are just way too conservative for me.

Beau keeps giving me a hard time about this simple reading assignment he has to do. He does everything he can to stall and try to get out of it. He just asked me if he could go out and play with Esther's daughter Andrea. I told him that he has to finish his reading and then he can go play. He told me that I seem like a totally different person. It really hurts my feelings and makes me sad, hearing that.

It's hard being a single parent. I have to be the loving nurturing Mom, and the disciplinarian Dad at the same time. I don't have any choice, but I'm sick of it, and angry about it. My ex gets to be a complete flake who is accountable to no one and for nothing. I don't understand why Beau is making everything so hard for me. I don't know if I am behaving differently or not. I know I'm not caving.

I know that I'm angry and sick of putting up with everyone using me and giving nothing back, that's for certain. I know that I don't have any patience and that I am so tired of being ill and having no one take it seriously or care very much. I just don't have any more room for selfishness, I've run out of space in my heart and mind for it. It makes me blunt and curt. People aren't used to my having boundaries and being insistent on being heard and treated with respect I guess.

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