Jacqui (jacqui) wrote,
Jacqui
jacqui

Los Angeles Was a Mess of Traffic and Frightened Anticipation

I wish we were all together, giving each other hugs, holding hands. It's so hard being alone in my home tonight with Beau who is so afraid of these incessant helicopters hovering above us. The noise and the whir of these news copters, police copters and military copters, has been unceasing since about ten am this morning. Beau ran upstairs to get my binoculars so he could look at them because he was so worried. I'm about to put him in a bath with a calming fizzy bath bomb. I feel so lucky to live here where I still have water and plumbing and can put my healthy child in a warm bath, while every channel is showing shots of cameras pointed toward the sky. What on earth would it be like to live through that, like London during the blitz, and this is us, my government that is doing this.

We live very close to Los Angeles' Federal Building - and the VA property. Most protests happen here. The helicopters have been buzzing above us all day so it is a very real and surreal reminder of what is happening. In your home you feel the windows and the walls rattling as they pass over, and outside you stare up at the skies.

Los Angeles, or at least the West side of Los Angeles, is a mess. Everyone is upset and frightened, the traffic is unbelievable. Everywhere I went today, after trying to weave my way around all of these jammed and blocked off streets, because of the protests everywhere and the militaristic response to them by the police, people were looking up at the helicopters and talking to each other about this. Even at the dog park, people seemed panicked and disturbed, a woman walked by me with a cell phone pressed to her ear, saying, "Aren't there any kind of nutritional supplements we can get to help build up our immune system in case of radiation poisoning?" People are so scared, and this is here, which is just nothing compared to what those poor innocent people in Iraq are facing right now. Four point five million people and no where they can go where they can feel safe.

I can't stop this crying. Driving on the freeway and see all of these police officers in riot gear, standing on this overpass where no one ever stands, looking down at these young protesters, looking as if they would, what, shoot them, set me off. I'm trying to taper down from my antidepressants, and it is really hard. My doctor took one look at me and got out her prescriptopn pad and wrote out a scrip for a stronger does of Xanax. So to be tapering off medication in preparation for a very serious life or death kind of surgery on Monday, with the anniversary of my Father's death coming up, and all of this tragedy and terror going on all around us, is just well, overwhelmingly heart breaking.

I hate evil and I hate evil people and I hate war. I am utterly torn up and confused about all of this.

I love you,
Jacqui
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