Jacqui (jacqui) wrote,
Jacqui
jacqui

Another Rattie Is Going to Heaven

I just had to make the final decision to put one of my rats to sleep. I always hate myself when this happens. I know all the reasons why I shouldn't, hate myself for this, but I can never reason myself out of it.

I mean he would have been eaten by a snake if it weren't for me, but maybe I could have done something differently. And if I didn't spend so much money on crap, maybe I could throw all the thousands and thousands of dollars it would take, at his medical care, to see if there is even the slightest chance that he might pull through, but I just can't. I don't think it's fair to him, and it isn't fair to my other pets who will need the money if anything happens to them.

So far I've spent several hundred dollars and been giving him three different kinds of liquid antibiotics. We even had tiny little rat lung X-rays done. But he was looking so bad tonight and I had no way of getting him to the doctor myself, (not with the way my body is responding to the laxatives, if you know what I mean, sorry,) so I had Pet Taxi come and get him, that's eighty dollars right there, and the emergency vet will be another two or three hundred, and I was still going to give it another day but Dr. Brockman just called and said her instinct is just shouting at her to put him to sleep. It helps a lot when the vet will talk to you honestly. I can't stand it when they step back and say hey, this is your decision, don't lay this on me.

I'm okay. I just close my eyes and see him with wings flying to another place beyond, above, or beside this one, somewhere really beautiful where his tiny dear soul will never have to suffer the way rats do in this place. I mean, people with no experience of rats, think they are horrible and kill them without giving it a thought. What kind of a world is that for a little rat to have to live in? I regularly share bits of my food with them and would think nothing of sharing my spoon. I know people think this is freakish but that's just because they have been brainwashed since childhood, (think Disney movies, who are the bad guys, why rats of course). In my world there is no difference between a hamster, a mouse, a bunny, or a rat, except that rats don't bite like hamsters, they don't oanic and eat their young like mice, and they're smarter and more fun than bunnies. Don't tell anyone I sad that. Fuck, I'm sad.

Oh I have to go, Scotti's here.
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