Jacqui (jacqui) wrote,

Letting It All Hang Out

Two more pounds gone, woohoo! But I have been a beast all day. Getting mad and raising my voice at people. This is not the person I want to be to my family and the people who kindly help me, shit!

Beau and my Internet and my movie addiction keep me up all night and then I wind up sleeping all day. I woke up unmedicated, hungry, and super rough around the edges. I can't believe it's five o'clock already and I am just starting my day. I have got to shift this back around. Melatonin!

My old incredibly wonderful, super smart and loving, brown Burmese cat Coco is the last survivor of his family. His wife Fufu and daughter Myanmar have both died and I don't want to lose him. He's such a fighter. He has terribly infected teeth despite all the dental care that we have given him. It must just run in his family. He has all kinds of other troubles too. So he needs subcu fluids every other day and lots of meds.

I spend tens of thousands of dollars of my dwindling principal on my animals to do right by them, and when I do everything I can and someone here screws up, and screws up badly, and then someone at the vet's office screws up as well, I can't help but get a little pissed off.

Irma has been doing a pretty crap job dealing with remembering to take the animals to the vet when they have appointments and giving them their medicines. I only just discovered this, or really, accepted this, today. She's wonderful here with them, a great big hearted animal loving soul and I really adore her. But with four kids, one of whom is always having some kind of problem, and this drunken sod bastard for a husband, (nothing against all of my many AA pals here, like I said, I'm in a bad mood, and this guy truly deserves any name I can think of to call him and worse, hey wait, I bought this new book, Roger's Profanisaurus, so let me just look up a few more here to add and yes, this dog-catching, brown winged, cock lodger), she tends to space out on things. Which is fine, except when I'm not eating, my nerves are frazzled, I'm on massive doses of medications, and I discover that she not only did not bother to tell Esther (Esther works when Irma doesn't), what very important medications to give to two of my cats, stopping their meds mid stride, which is extremely unhealthy when you're dealing with antibiotics, but has been giving the wrong medication to the wrong cat! ARGHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Coco was getting Miss Fuzzums, (I didn't name her), antibiotic pills, and Fuzzums has been getting Coco's critically important liquid dental medication. Then to make matters worse I ask Esther to show me the list of instructions from the vet and I find out that they've given me someone else's instructions. I don't have a German Shepherd named Ginger, nor do I need to know what medication to give her for the brown and black diarrhea she had all night.

Then Beau starts in on me over his Aibo. I nicely ask him to please pick it up and take it to his room and not leave it where the cats are going to pee on it or knock it over and pull it's ears off, and he gives me one of these, "It's my Aibo," goes to his room and slams his door. I swear it was as if time froze as I marched down the hall towards his room. It took everything in me not to drop kick the little two thousand dollar robot dog across the room. But instead, just like my mother before me I said, through clenched teeth, "It may be your Aibo, but it was my money that bought it, and if I tell you to do something, IF I TELL YOU TO DO SOMETHING, whether it pertains to something as unimportant as a toy, or something as life threatening as putting down a knife, all I want to hear out of your Goddamned mouth is "Okay Mom!" You got that? IS THAT CLEAR?"

Then I headed straight for my office and my Live Journal steam pressure valve, and Lord, you should have seen me gulp down my high blood pressure medication.

I just count myself lucky that my Mom hasn't driven by today and pulled her usual honk honk hoooonk for me. The last time she did that when I was in a bad mood, I worked up the nerve to tell her not to, and she nearly ran me over with her car, twice. No lie!

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference." I so mean this right now.

Thank you so much for being here so I can come here and not only document my life but know that a handful of really good people, who without getting anything in return, care enough to take the time to read my journal, and talk to me in loving ways. I will never be able to adequately express how much you all mean to me!

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